Page images

Chr. (Reddening.) Not bad? Well, some folks sure don't own a palate.

Tickler. True, Kit, and yet this ale rolls down my gullet
Right trippingly, and seems to be, by jingo,
True home-brew'd tipple, genuine humming stingo.
But own, now, Kit, is there no paroxysm,
In that right toe of thine, of rheumatism ?

Chr. (Sulkily.) There is—but whereto tends that base suggestion ?
My aching toe is nothing to the question.
(Looking askance) Odoherty may swill in sheer despite,
But I aver 'tis bad, and I am right.

Odoh. Christie, my jewel, let me merely hint it,
With the ale you're rather too much discontinted.
Take a good swig or two, my precious boy,
The muligrubs which rack your toe will fly;
I'm sure I find relief immediately. (Drinks.)

Chr. (Doggedly.) The matter is to cure my thirst, not toe,
And that, this vile potation will not do.

Wastle. Ay, but my gentle squire, there's cause to think,
Were but the toe quite tranquilized, the drink
Would soon regain its favour in your eyes.

Chr. (Getting warm.) Laird, I'm surprised to find this vain surmise
Bolstered by you—this silly, stupid stigma,-
As if I'd no more spirit than a pigmy.

Enter DEVIL.
Devil. More copy's wanted—they're a' at a dead stop-
And Maister Blackwood rants about his shop;
He says the twentieth's coming, and the Number
Han't half its monthly quantity of lumber.

Chr. Tormenting imp! bane of all satisfaction,

thee on to drive me to distraction ? (Turning round furiously.) You've managed this,-you're all in one base Blackwood, Contributors, and all, go hang !

(Breaks the Devil's head, who runs out yelping ; the Contributors rise, and

form a groupe ; some commiserating, some expostulating, some quite at a loss what to think, while Christopher falls back in his chair, exhausted with rage, and overcome with the pain of his toe, which in passion he has hit against the table.)



Oversalted herrings, and bad ale! indignation at these viperous traitors, If we got nothing better for supper at who, however, are only gnawing a file. Ambrose's, our suppers, we fancy, If more like evidence be called for, would not be so eagerly frequented. more shall be forthcoming, but we As we admit none to them but per- think it needless; we should prefer sons of gentlemanly manners and feel- indeed to find the less guilty, taking ings, it is quite impossible that the warning by those who are gibbetrebel V. D. B. should ever be undelu- ed. We are aware that misprision of ded, if he believes that he has given treason is the only charge against a any thing like a guess at our fare, or a few of them. This we shall overlook, distorted likeness of ourself in our if they renew their homage within a presidential capacity. He must go on reasonable time of grace. Having in his error—but it will be seen that thus disclosed our danger and escape, we have no fear of exposure from such we bid all such of our loving subjects paltry jobbernowls as those of the as have never swerved from us, Hail, Round-Robin faction. We think these and rewell. specimens will suffice tor ouse popular



and humanity of this exception, it is clearly As your patriotic attachments cannot impossible to oppose a single argument. suffer you

to remain indifferent to the The Brogue is such a black, premeditated blushing honours of your great critical crime, that the misjudging infant who lisps compatriots, I am sure you will feel those wilful accents, is fairly doomed to a both happy and proud to assist the youth of beggary-no ill-imagined training

for a life of proscriptions. triumph, and partake the gale of their glorious course-by giving wider cir- inquiry would detect the true spirit of the

“ It is in these half-open institutions, that culation to one of the most brilliant Monkish system in full and flagrant operadisplays both of literary and moral tion. Place power in the hands of a conexcellence which has yet shone forth ceited, ignorant, illiberal recluse, and it in your northern Athens. You will asks no gift of prophecy to foresee the ine. already, in all probability, have anti- vitable consequence. With feline attachcipated my allusion to the third article ment to localities, such a being soon con, of the last Edinburgh Review.

tracts the prudish air and treacherous pro. The literary excellencies which per which that narrow sentiment is imitated.

pensities of the retromingent animal from culiarly characterize this inimitable No antiquated virgin more resembles her composition, are purity of style, and a happy ease, and graceful flow of wit mureness. The sleek disguise of imbecility,

own tabby in duplicity, malice, and dethe moral distinction is candour. In- the abuse of his miserable rights, the 'indeed, it seems entirely written with a stinctive preservation of his apprehensive view to illustrate this one lovely qua- egotism from the contact of superior brillity of mind, just as Miss Baillie de- liancy, which he knows to be as little catchvotes entire tragedies to the develope ing as gallantry itself, become the first obment of a single passion.

jects in existence with this hater of a joke. First, then, for style and wit, the The creature must be · followed, sought, very first sentence will afford a specic and sued:' taste must listen to its paradoxes,

and talent tremble at its frown. Let a young men sufficiently admirable ; and I can assure the reader (I acknowledge, how

man only abdicate the privilege of thinking that he must find great difficulty his whole body and soul to the sordid am.

„to some no painful sacrifice and devote si in believing me,) that the qualis ab in- bition of success,

and the

way to win' with cepto processerit is religiously observed such electors is no formidable problem. As throughout.

an undergraduate, he must comb his hair There is not a wider difference in all smooth, avoid cleanliness and essences, be nature, than between those who read to regular at Latin prayers, and sedulous in learn, and those who consume their whole capping. After a dull examination in the lives and opportunities in learning to read. schools

if a failure so much the better Yet there are no two classes of beings more he may begin to be the butt of Commonconstantly confounded with each other. rooms, circulate tutors' wit, and proseagainst The world often makes the mistake,—and the Edinburgh Review. With a hopeless the parties in question always. The merest virginity of face, sacred from the violence hacks and drudges in the cause, those who of meanings

with a manner so nicely ba. tussle for the goat's-wool,—the Stocks and lanced between the weight of manhood and Bardi of alternate annotation, the lords of the decent levity of youth, that it happily Antispastand friends to Double-dochmee,- escapes the gracefulness of either-guiltless the running footmen who are meant to clear of fame, originality, or humour-our tyro the path, but oftener stumble and incumber may then approach the scene of action, seitz--are always, like Pussy's master in the cure that the judges will take good care that fairy-tale, endeavouring to play the Mar. the race shall not be to the swift, nor the quis; and, by dint of large words and lo- battle to the strong. Hardy professions of cal knowledge, too frequently succeed." impartiality are indeed held forth, to attract

Of candour, take the following ex- unwary merit ; and selfish mediocrity finds Sample,

the most exquisite of all its gratifications in . If the scope of Mr Brougham's truly the momentary chance of harassing the tapatriotic exertions were to be extended, as lent it would tremble to confront. The canwe cordially wish to see it, so as to embrace didates are locked up to write themes solve the English Universities, we should hardly a Sorites--discover the Latin for an earthso much desire to have his keen and caustic quake--and perform other equally edifying scrutinies directed towards the Colleges in tasks :- and the chose of this solemn farce which the elections are close, as towards is the annunciation of a choice that had been those which profess to offer their Fellow. long before determined, in proportion to the ships to the indiscriminate competition of scrapings, grins, and genuflections of the all learning and ability ;-except, indeed, several competitors. Who can be surprised it happen to be Irish. But to the wisdom if, under a system like this, genius and VOL. X.




[ocr errors]


[ocr errors][ocr errors]

knowledge should so seldom strike a lasting to point out the secret and personal root ? or that the maturity which succeeds

springs both of his praise and censure

, to a youth so prostituted, should produce,

laying open in the one the ebullitions by its most vigorous efforts, nothing better than learned drivelling, or marrowless in the malignity of disappointed interest.

of gratified vanity, and in the other flation ? In many, and in very important The sketch might be completed by respects, Oxford has undoubtedly improved upon its former self ; but, in aïl points of suggesting the true drift of the entire right sentiment or liberal feeling, it is still article, in its relation to present hopes the same University that stripped Locke of and prospects. a studentship, and refused Johnson a de- Were it necessary for a moment to

treat these drivellings of impotent maAs the good-natured artists of an lice with seriousness, it would be amearlier day, unwilling to weary the ply sufficient to remark that the body ingenuity of spectators, by imposing against which they are directed bas on them the difficult task of tracing long been distinguished by obtaining any resemblance between the charac- a share greatly beyond the proportion ters and actions depicted and those of its numbers, of those same academic intended, kindly wrote over their prin- honours on which such large encomicipal figures, Æneas, Ascanius, Dido, ums are so consistently bestowed in &c. so the allusion to “ Discourses on this very article. Although the reproach Predestination” appears to have been of a retromingent animal,would be introduced with a similar charitable far less in my estimation than that purpose ; and I must acknowledge it which proverbially attaches to an " ill is an elegant contrivance to answer an bird,” still I do not appear on this ocabsolutely necessary end; for with- casion evdquayas at' amEXTwę Euryouw magen out such an useful clue, the aim of all açıą—nor have I any local connection these sounding shifts, the promosdogoro with the body attacked. I entertain gawsons Beneuva axepa, might have been for it indeed, and for every thing conabsolutely unintelligible; to me at least nected with it, (always excepting its it would certainly have been somand metaphysics,) those sentiments of reyet I am willing to flatter myself that spect which I believe to be common to I am not entirely ignorant of Alma the whole university—but it is thus Mater, or unacquainted with her sons; only that it can interest me as and perhaps, indeed, that I know A MEMBER OF CARIST CHURCH, enough to be able, were I so inclined,

Oxon. to unmask an anonymous libeller, and 12th Oet. 1821.

[ocr errors][ocr errors][ocr errors][ocr errors][ocr errors]
[ocr errors]


[ocr errors]


GEORGE BUCHANAN has been re- their practical sorites. Pedants are of proached with making our sixth James all men the most harmless against the a pedant. He might have been a worse itch for a paper war, even a quaker thing. It is better to “turn the coun- would not protest. If they breed little cil to a grammar school," than to an else than moths, they take special care academy for young Machiavels. He not to diminish the offspring of more who is solicitous not to break Priscian's prolific people. They are, to be sure, head, is not likely to have the passion persecuting and intolerant enough, but for breaking heads, in the abstract. The then it is all in the bloodless waypreceptor seems to have known well They only pelt each other with arguthe propensities of his royal pupil, and ments, or nail one another

upon did all for the best. James maintained the doctrine of divine right in good set the many cruces which are to be found

crux metaphysicorum, or some one of terms, and so did all his bishops, and in the copious inventory of the “ Apthey kept their heads upon their shoul- probria Philosophiæ.” ders, and barring natural causes, might Pedants have been ridiculed, abused, have gone on stringing their syllogisms and written against more than any set to all eternity. His son Charles, and of men that ever existed, but, after his favourite Laud, who were less of all, they are still a tolerably thriving pedants, began to turn the other's theory generation. The Alchymists and the loaded into practice, and were cut short be- Astrologers,and the Demonologists and fore they had proceeded three steps in the Jesuits, and the

sticklers for phlo

[ocr errors]
[ocr errors]
[ocr errors]



giston, and the Brunonians, and the subject. The real, thriving, well-feaAntivaccinists, and the Della Cruscans, thered pedant may be easily known, like have been written down, but the peo other objects of natural history, from dants have not been written down; not certain external signs; and these be even by themselves, which is the most they: Whether elergyman or layman,

surprising thing of all. From Holo- he is fond of dressing in black, and 3 fernes down to Lingo, wicked wits if of an English, university, wears * have ridiculed them, yet they have his MA. gown in his study of a morn

never been able to do away the reve- ing. There he is constantly to be rence with which they are regarded found by twelve o'clock callers, with by the bulk of mankind. “ There's his black cotton stockings, so fine, that a divinity that doth hedge a pedant." they look like silk, and his shoes shiWhat can be more absurd and ridicu- ning in all the fulgor of Day and Marlous than the caps and gowns of an tin's blacking. It is a mistake to ima.

English University ? if any other set gine that your true pedant is slovenly. 31 of beings were to persist in going into This has only been imagined by those

public so dressed, what would be the who have confounded the scholastic consequence? The poor persecuted pedant with the scholar of genius. He Quakers in their plainest days were delights in having his study kept neat. not so absurdly attired as one of these, The litter of books upon his table is yet, from Provost to Proctor, what lip evidently the artful negligence ever deviates from the angle of gravity sign, and not the heavy agglomeration

at the sight of them? These, too, are of literature. He piles his table with * the most marked species of the whole flea-bitten editions, as a young attori genus. There is your virtuoso pedant, ney does with musty parchments. His * your scientific pedant, your poetical study has divers nick-nacks ; and pedant

, and your pedantic trifler, they are in good condition. His reada they are less distinct. It is your tho- ing-stand is unbroken,-and the pai rough-bred Greek and Latin pedant, tent springs which secure the guardian

the lineal descendant.of the old musty, wired doors of the most precious aparti vellum bound, yellow-looking, illusa ments of his library are undamaged.

trissimi, who gives the generic name He has the door of his study painted is to the tribe. He has been the most and panneled, to correspond with the o unmercifully roasted of the whole divisions of his book-case, in order

but in a village he is, to this day, the that, as he expresses it, he may seem eight wonder of the world. Even in to live enveloped in literature, as a a country town his opinion.“ bears an toad does in free-stone. He is delighted emphasis” beyond the vulgar votes of when you startle at not finding an exit a brace of tradesmen, or the vociferous when you turn to leave the room. suffrages of a dozen farmers. In cities He is found reading a thick.octavo he is not quite what he was, but there of dirty corbeau colour, and to the first observe the deference and respect he apologetic visitant he says, that he shall sometimes inspire'tis much.” ( was just amusing himself for half an Who but some of the reckless wags of hour with his friend Horace.” He says Blackwood's Magazine would have all the translators (there are some ventured to make a jest of Dr Parr's thirty of them) have mistaken the wig?-Who but their Editor—(well “simplex munditiis.” He expatiates may he be called invisible, for nobody upon Homer and Virgil, and thinks the ever saw such a man)-would have first has more majesty, the second more ventured upon such a term as “Goody sweetness. He inclines to prefer VirBarker =" Who but the profane au- gil

. Those passages in which the sound thor of the “ Hymn to Christopher” is supposed to echo to the sense, stay would have dared to desiguate the ve- longest in his memory, and apparently personage, whose

square phy- give him most pleasure. siognomy gives dignity to the volume with the greatest glee, especially if a of which it is the impressure, by the young person be present, name of“ Georgy Buchanan?” “ Head tedovde suniuSETO laas avaidns, making of Confucius ! dumplin Dick ! !” ex- the first leap with his hand upon the claimed Goldsmith's Chinese, on a sis table, thence to his knee, and thence milar profanation--but this is ten to the carpet. He imitates with his

fingers' the gallopping of a horse, as I am wandering, however, from the children do, and repeats “ Quadrupea

[ocr errors]
[ocr errors]


He quotes

[ocr errors]


times worse.



[ocr errors]
[ocr errors]

dante putrem 'sonitu quatit ungula his sense of superiority is immeasurecampum.” He is also fond of “Procum- able, and peeps out of every intonation bit humi bos," and of “Houpacis fose of his stifly-condescending civility

, Balasons," of which he hisses the last The professions he respects in the folsyllable violently through his teeth. lowing order :-Divinity first; next, He thinks Pope's translation a beauti- Law; and lastly, Physic. He also conful English poem, but not Homer. He descends to like such officers of the arthinks Cowper's more like Homer, but my or navy as will listen to him, and not so beautiful a poem. His well pay him reciprocal respect,--of whom; known line,

however, he meets but few. To such

he is as full of “ ancient disciplines” “ High sounding-bounding on the silver

as Fluellen himself. He prefers Han. bow,"

nibal and Scipio to Wellington and he thinks a tolerable imitation of the Napoleon. He quotes Xenophon, Ceexquisite effect of the Greek.

sar, and Polybius, and sets them above He is no enemy to puns in general, all modern writers on Strategy. He is but to Greek and Latin puns he is disa convinced that Cæsar's bridge, as detraetedly attached. There are none so scribed in his Commentaries, must have bad as to be to him destitute of hue been infinitely beyond all the efforts of mour. He asks all schoolboys below modern engineering. He is not the the fourth form to construe “Bos cur- less convinced of this, because he has rit plenum sed," and explains to them no remarkably clear ideas of the conthe etymology of driving." tandem.” struction of the said bridge, notwithHe repeats the best joke his old friend standing the lucid simplicity of style Dr Drybones ever made, which was which he is in the habit of attributing saying of a young empty-headed cox- to the conqueror of Britain. comb of an acquaintance, who was re- There is one occasion, and one only, ported to be taking lessons at Paris in upon which he relaxes to every body; that accomplishment for which the and that is, when he has been invited French are celebrated beyond the rest to a good dinner. Here he sits “ neat of mankind, that he was studying ---trimly drest”-courteous and smi“To Kanov;" and his second best, which ling; saying little; listening much ;was nicknaming old Dr Dusky, who eating more. He attends to the merwas perpetual president of a smoking chant who talks of the Royal Wine club at Oxford, “ Nepelnyepeta Deus.” Company at Lisbon, and the method To all his legal friends he never misses of preparing claret for the English the opportunity of translating “Ne market. He hearkens to the Colonel mo repente fuit turpissimus," S“ You who vapours about the vintage of must keep all your terms to become a Spain and of Greece, and of,

is the lawyer.” But what he values himself Lord knows where.'

He listens to most upon is, having in his youth at- the chemist who lectures upon theirfertracted the notice of the celebrated mentation and comparative strengths; Professor , by rendering Ho- and gives ear to the physician who race's line, “ Nullus argento color est dogmatizes upon their wholesomeness

. avaris,” (when some one quoted it at He tries to be droll, and condescends a dinner party,) “One never knows to be jocose. He quotes the Lapland the colour of a miser's money;" and Priest, whose stock of Latin was inupon his having christened a conceited, cluded in the four emphatic words

; travelled chum of his, who had been Bonum vinum pone circum;" and, to bit with the fashion (so prevalent, of the old gentleman who is wedded to late, in other quarters) of being in Hock, he puns upon Ausonius' wellraptures with Italy, Silius Italicus! a known conceit, Hoc pereunté fugis ; title which stuck to him for the re- hoc fugiente peris.” mainder of his life.

He is inclined to think Porson the As in duty bound, he has a con- greatest man that England ever pro tempt, of greater or less intensity, for duced. He excuses his heretical polia all learning, science, or information, tics when mentioned—when not mens which is not classical

. To the “Idi- tioned, he says nothing about them. otæ," or unlearned, which, he some- After the Professor, he is content to times whispers, even as great a man

rank Newton, Milton, and Shake as Horseley translated “idiots,” es

speare; though he dislikes the republis pecially if they be engaged in trade, canism of the second, and the irregue

[ocr errors]
[ocr errors]
[ocr errors]
[ocr errors]
« PreviousContinue »