FABLES

FOR

GROWN GENTLEMEN :

OR,

A FABLE FOR EVERY DAY IN THE WEEK.

1761.

FABLE I.

THE RIVER WITH A PETITION.

According to the Romish creed,

I speak of Rome two thousand years ago, The life that they fuppos'd the Gods to lead, You would not chufe to undergo.

Jupiter's business, day and night,

Was to attend with open ears and eyes,

And to write down as fast as he could write

All the impertinence that men devise

Befides men's fopperies and ravings,

The women had fo great a fhare, That their abfurdities and cravings Omnipotence alone could bear.

And furthermore, to try his patience, He heard the prayers and fanciful distresses Of all his children and relations,

And of his wife and his mis-treffes.

Once on a time, if you'll believe tradition,

A river in great tribulation,
To Juplter prefented a petition,
With an expoftulating exhortation;
Whereby, if the petitioner's refus'd,
He has a right to think himself ill-us'd;
A form of prayer contriv'd for execution,

Exactly like a double-barrell'd gun,

Which if

you fire with refolution,

You have another chance when one is done :

So far from killing two birds with one ftone,

An art that's very little known;

All the petitioner defir'd to do,

Was to kill one with two.

Now

Now this petition shew'd how the petitioner

For his attachment and devotion,

Had been appointed a commiffioner Of the revenues of the Ocean, Which he collected with great pains, And sent in good and current cash, But for his trouble and clear gains, The Sea return'd adulterated trash :

Wherefore he pray'd,

Exhorted and submitted,

That all the fums the Ocean pay'd

Shall for the future be remitted,

And iffued fair,

Without debafement or impair.

Ungrateful Thames! the God reply'd

Without that mixture and alloy,

Which the Sea pours into thee every tide,

Thy beauty and thy ftrength would wear away.
Without his aid thou wouldst remain

Like TIBER, or the poor pretending SEINE,
Led through parterres or roll'd down a cascade,
Confin'd to vanity, and loft to trade.

'Tis thus the Highlander complains,

'Tis thus the Union they abuse
For binding their back-fides in chains,
And shackling their free feet in shoes :
For giving them our food and fewel,

And comfortable cloaths;

Inftead of cruel oat-meal gruel ; Inftead of rags and heretable blows.

Luxury every day grows ftronger;

The Highland fair,

Beholds her lover now no longer;

Trotting with his buttocks bare.

Thus Doctor BROWN was taken with the spleen,
And fancied we were all undone,
Raving about a carpet and a screen,

And out of temper with the fun :
Because it is a crime,

As he fuppofes,

For men to run in winter time
Into the fun to warm their noses.

'Tis an egregious want of fenfe,
A want of taste and want of fhame,

When

When univerfal affluence

And luxury are deem'd the fame.

Good Doctor, fpite of your difcerning,
The term of Universal will agree

With your benevolence and learning,
Juft as it fuits with luxury.

You may perceive, if you be fo inclin'd,
Like your difcernment, luxury's confin'd.
For as the gout torments the hands and feet,
To ease the nobler ftomach and the head,
So luxury, to gratify the great,

Infults and robs the labourer of his bread.

Luxury in a state is a disease,

Because 'tis partial and obftructed wealth,

But univerfal affluence and ease

Is univerfal happiness and health.