EXTRACT FROM REMINISCENCES OF YOUTH.

My youth was a stormy one. At twenty years old a cloud gathered over my pathway; small at first, but when at last it broke and poured down upon my defenceless head, it seemed an overflowing flood. Behind that cloud was the bow of covenant mercy. "Wilt thou not from this time cry unto me my Father, thou art the Guide of my youth ?" were the sweet kind words spoken so comfortably to my heart after the torrent had spent itself. Truly from that day, that hour, that moment-aye, the very instant is remembered-the God of Israel became my God, and mine He will be for ever and ever, and thine, reader, if thou art his. A great conflict had been going on in my young, proud mind-a fearful struggle. The devil was making one last and violent effort to draw me into a net which he had weaved for me, blandy and subtily, like most of his net-work, while perfectly ignorant of his devices. I was just-just stepping into it, when, without asking after Him, without seeking for Him-with none to say, "Go to Him with a heart at perfect enmity to Him," down came the Lord God of hosts to my deliverance, so that in a moment I turned round and said, "The snare is broken, and I am escaped." True, I knew but little then of the gracious character of my Deliverer, and had had but a very faint view of Him; He had only shown Himself to me through the lattices-yet what a mercy to see Him even there! Sometimes we get but a bird's-eye view of Jesus for seasons together. It was a twelvemonth after the breaking of that cloud before I heard the voice of the Breaker again. That was my best year in the world, but at its close Jesus brought me to see that He does not hold converse with his children there; so He gently drew me aside from the multitude, and then without reproachings or upbraidings (yet who needed them more?) He showed me a little of my own heart, and then a little of his-little indeed, yet enough to make me long for more. But for the spiritual conflicts which were now approaching, I was quite unprepared. My reading had been of a worldly stamp; it had taken a long range through history and ideality; the preaching of the day was high and dry; I was quite untutored as to Gospel truth, though well acquainted with the letter of the Bible. From a routine of forms and outward duties, I had been brought to the feet of Jesus; so that when I began to lose first this evidence, and then that, one token, and then another, until nothing remained but their memory, my alarm was excessive; it was the beginning of a long reign of spiritual darkness, from the terrors of which I was never delivered, until by Divine blessing upon the teaching of a free-grace Gospel ministry I learnt to bow to the will of Divine sovereignty, and to know by heart-experience that a child of God is as safe in the night as the day. This was Satan's opportunity for temptation; so he opened a leaf or two of the law, and set me upon working back what I had lost. Something must be done; the Lord was gone; it would be my own fault if He did not return; but the more I tried to find Him, the further off He seemed. Oh! it was a good school that, for I learned my own nothingness there; just the one for such a heady, high-minded, self-willed, imperious, and withal ignorant creature, but a school at which I was kept for a long, long time. The slow learner requires the longest teaching. That the Lord did not love me, I began to fancy; and oh, for what a lengthened period did that misgiving distress me! An almost childish circumstance recurs to my mind in connection with this period of my experience, and considering it occurred just at the dawn of Tractarianism, and when Keble's "Christian Year," as beautiful as bland, was wielding its way, and creeping into the hearts of the unwary, and turning

the bias of many young ardent minds towards high-churchism, and from that to popery, the mercy was great that from this temptation I was also delivered. I had been mourning an absent Lord, and striving to devise some method to win Him back, when I happened to meet with a very lovely little picture of the Saviour; it was a tiny French painting, just the size for a locket; its gentle, tender, peaceful, loving and lovely expression, melted me to tears: "I'll have it framed directly," I said to myself," and wear it round my neck and next my heart; I will look at it every now and then; it will bring Jesus to my thoughts; and then to have Him just upon my heart!" Well, round the neck and next the heart this little picture was put, and I used to love to press it there with an ardour that would have delighted one who was on his way to Rome.

But "He who Himself hath suffered being tempted," succoured me from this temptation. With our "gods many," and "lords many," Satan will let us alone, but it is against the Christ of God he wages war, and to hide Him from the people of God is his great desire and endeavour.

H.

COPY OF A DOCUMENT FOUND AMONG W. G. C.'S PAPERS AFTER HIS DECEASE, DATED OCT. 1, 1836.

THE 1st Oct. 1836. Read part of the 119th Psalm; and at the 49th verse, "Remember the word unto thy servant, upon which thou hast caused me to hope," it came into my mind, what is the word which the Lord has caused me to hope in? I have now been a considerable time professing to be a Christian. In what way was the work began? Was it by human might or power, or was it by the Spirit of the Lord? It is a solemn question. I will endeavour to answer it. And looking up to the blessed Remembrancer to bring to my mind the things he hath shown me, I pray I may have his presence to direct me unto some of the paths He led me. As I shall commence with the word upon which he first caused me to hope, I shall only observe that for many months I was under conviction that I was a sinner. I endeavoured by all means to stifle it: and being at that time very fond of the Theatre, I made it my constant practice of visiting it every night, having procured a free admission for that purpose: and I might also mention other steps which accompanied it, but it is not neces: ary. The Lord has in his infinite mercy I trust, pardoned all; and I desire to speak the praise of Him who hath called me "out of darkness into his marvellous light." One circumstance, however, I will mention, which encouraged me in my folly. A dissenting minister that I had often heard, and who had struck me as a good and gracious man, I met at the Theatre with his daughter, but so ashamed was I that I could not make myself known, but avoided him. Afterwards I thought I must be mistaken, and would have hoped so, but that I often saw him afterwards, and once had the curiosity to look over his shoulder, and saw him write his name to his disgrace in the free Book at Drury Lane Theatre, he having purchased (query) a share or admission. This seemed to help me. I thought, surely if this man of God sees nothing wrong in passing an evening in such a place, it cannot be wrong for me to do so; and I encouraged myself under this delusion for some time, all the while, however, my conscience was dreadfully accusing me. At this time I seemed very much to wish to make terms with the Almighty. I thought if he would only allow me this indulgence of passing a quiet hour or two in the innocent amusement I called it, I could give up every other, so foolish was I and ignorant." Oh the mercy that He did not give me up to a deceived heart, but caused me to enquire seriously, "Is there not a lie in my right hand?" He showed me there was by manifesting to my wounded conscience, that the end of those things was death. I saw the world lying in wickedness and the souls of men sinking into hell, and expected every moment my turn would come next, and now I began to despair. The Theatre had no more attraction; the example of God's minister, as I supposed, I could not follow, but my cry was, How

COPY OF A DOCUMENT FOUND AMONG W. G. c.'s PAPERS.

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shall I escape the damnation of hell? None can tell but those who have trod the same path what anguish of soul I for months endured without a ray of hope. I read God's word, but all seemed against me; and thus I went on till Wednesday evening I think in July, but am not certain in the year, I had been to hear Rev. H. Blunt, of Trinity Chapel, Chelsea; and returning without any word of hope, and as usual very much cast down, when the Lord, yes, the Eternal Jehovah, the God of all grace, spoke these blessed words to my heart, "I have loved thee with an everlasting love, therefore with loving-kindness I have drawn thee." To all eternity I shall never forget that night. Now upon writing it down it melts my soul and tears of gratitude are flowing.) He drew me out of the slough of despond, and on the side farthest from the city of Destruction, which I trust I have left for ever. "Bless the Lord, O my soul, and forget not all his benefits." And now after four years or nearly, I ask how it is I continue unto this day with such a nature, and enemies on every side? His loving-kindness is drawing me, and that proceeding from his everlasting love. Can I then speak against free and sovereign and discriminating grace? Come my soul, speak fairly, Did you lend a helping hand? was it by works of righteousness which you had done, or his mercy which saved you? His mercy. Were you born of the will of the flesh or of man? I was cast out to the loathing of my person, with no eye to pity me, and the Lord passed by and bade me live, aye, when I was in my blood he said unto me "live." "Search me, O God, and try me, and know my heart." If in saying "Doubtless thou art my Father," I am deceived, and at the last great and solemn day thou shalt say, "I never knew you, Depart from me ye cursed." O then Covenant God and Father in Christ Jesus, Thou wilt not; for my soul has fled for refuge to the hope set before me; and if I perish I will perish, where none ever did, at the feet of Jesus; and though thou slay me, yet my soul says I will trust in thee.

MEMORANDUM.

BETHEL visits should be remembered, and I hope ever to remember the 18th Oct. 1836. For many days previous I had been in a dark state of mind, as well as on that day; but in the evening as usual I read the Word of God. It was the 8th chap. of Luke, in which the Divinity and Almighty power of the Lord Jesus are so conspicuously set forth in the case of the man possessed with devils. The poor woman with the issue of blood twelve years, to whom he had bestowed that precious faith, by which she pressed through the crowd to touch the hem of his garment, and was made whole. The raising of the daughter of Jairus to life, &c.; after which I prayed to the Lord, and particularly my mind was drawn out to the Holy Spirit, the eternal God, that he would teach me what to pray for, as I knew not; and to take of the things of Jesus and show them unto me. I arose from my knees, believing he had helped me, and that the prayer was in accordance with the gracious intercession of Jesus in heaven. I was not perhaps expecting an answer so soon; but immediately I laid down on my bed, I had a deep sense of my lost condition, and was led to see I was guilty, that from the womb I had gone astray, and in thought, word, or deed had committed every abomination, and had I not been restrained by the grace of God, it would have broken out in dreadful acts of iniquity as in others. I felt, deeply felt, how deserving I was of the righteous indignation of an holy God; and from my heart I could justify him in cutting me off for ever: almost immediately after which it appeared to me as if I had no sin, it seemed as if the guilt was all removed from my conscience; so that I exclaimed, Lord, how is this? What can this mean? My soul waited for an answer; and these blessed words were sweetly and powerfully impressed on my mind, "I have blotted out as a thick cloud thy transgressions, and as a cloud thy sins, return unto me, for I have redeemed thee." I said, "Is this the manner of man, O Lord God ?" No, he said, but "My ways are not your ways, nor my thoughts your thoughts." My heart was then broken indeed with his love and mercy thus made known, and tears of joy and thankfulness did freely flow. In a few moments, however, it crossed my mind, that this was not of God. It was a fancy of the mind, but I begged of the Lord the Spirit to make it plain; and if it was his work not to suffer the adversary, or my unbelieving nature, to rob me of my peace. Then again did He condescend to lead me to Gethsemane, and there my soul was sweetly melted down at the sight by faith of the sufferings of Jesus; that the sword of infinite justice was awakened against him, that he had taken the sins of his people, and that the Lord had laid upon Him

the iniquity of us all. From thence I was led to Calvary, and saw that He was made sin for us, who knew no sin, that we (who had nothing but sin) might be made righteous in Him. My heart was drawn forth in love to Him; I thought the despised and rejected Lamb of God was altogether lovely, and the chiefest among ten thousand; and I shall never forget, I believe, the feeling of my heart at the remembrance of the following lines:

"Alas! and did my Saviour bleed?

And did my Sovereign die ?
Would He devote that sacred head
For such a worm as I?

Thy body slain, dear Jesus, thine,
And bathed in its own blood;
While all exposed to wrath divine,
The glorious Sufferer stood.

Was it for crimes that I had done,
He groaned upon the tree?
Amazing pity-grace unknown,
And love-beyond degree."

By grace I am saved, Bless the Lord, O my soul.

VISITS TO THE BRETHREN.

(Continued from page 131.)

Ir is a privilege and a great one too-to commune with the brethren-with kindred spirits; to avail one's-self of the medium which God, in his Providence, has ordained for holding intercourse with each other mentally, whilst as yet strangers in the flesh. And the power of the Spirit, his Divine sovereignty, and the uniformity of his operations, are (if possible) more distinctly seen by a comparison of notes-an interchange of thought and experience whilst those thus communing are far removed from each other corporeally. Have not some of us known, brethren, the peculiar sweetness of this privilege? You have heard from us, and we have heard from you; and the Spirit having indited and smiled upon these communications, our hearts have been knit together as the heart of one man. There has been an intermingling of spirit; a fellowship of feeling; a kindred admiration and acknowledgment of the wisdom, mercy, love, goodness, faithfulness, and power of our own covenant God and Father in the person and work, blood and righteousness of his dear Son, our most precious Christ.

But there has been a feeling connected with this-and a very allowable one tooa longing to see each other face to face-in order to bear still further mutual testimony to what our God is and what our God has done and promised to do. The apostles had this self-same feeling. The loving John says, in his second epistle and 12th verse, "Having many things to write unto you, I would not write with paper and ink; but I trust to come unto you, and speak face to face, that OUR JOY MAY BE FULL;" and again, in his third epistle and 14th verse, he adds, "But I trust I shall shortly see thee, and we shall speak face to face." The same desires are expressed by the Apostle Paul, Acts xv. 36; Rom. i. 11, 24; Phil. i. 27; 1 Thess. ii. 17-iii. 6; his language to Timothy (i. 4) is very expressive," Greatly desiring to see thee, being mindful of thy tears, that I may be filled with joy." It would seem that they had been indulged with some very special communion; that if Timothy's tongue had not been loosed to tell out in words what he would say, he had at least expressed himself in that emphatic though silent manner which the Apostle not only well understood, but which had vibrated in his heart-fired' his very soul-burst the bands of all natural and fleshly selfishness-and prompted him in the most importunate and irresistible way to bear his dear son upon his heart at the footstool of mercy.

Beloved, do you not know something of this? How sweet some of these opportunities of near-and-dear communion with the brethren. How sacred those seasons

where by an inward constraining there has been a venting of heart-if not in words-yet in sobs and sighs, into a brother's ear; drawing forth the most loving, and tender, and timely response. Oh, how many such seasons have we personally had. How many a time have we been astonished at the patience, and the gentleness, and the affection of that dear "G. C. L.," as he has listened to the oft-told tale of anguish, sorrow, and dismay, from one with whom for twenty years and upwards he walked in closest communion. On one occasion, in the pure unselfishness of his heart, he exclaimed, "D. should I outlive you, I shall sing over your grave without remorse, because then I shall know that all your fears will be at rest."

Ah, beloved, would God that there were more of this blessed fellowship of hearts among believers, instead of those petty bickerings by the way. How cordially do we unite with the language of Serle, in his admirable work, "THE CHURCH OF GOD," where he says:---

Blessed be God! soon shall these disturbances and infirmities cease, and his holy name be magnified, by all his redeemed, in the fullest harmony and most perfect love. Then, if regret can enter heaven, many of the faithful will look back with concern upon the petty feuds and debates, which divided them here, and will rejoice to embrace those, with the tenderest affection, whom perhaps they could scarcely endure to meet, or at least could not think well of below. Their differences will then be all at an end, and buried (as they deserve) in everlasting oblivion. Filial love to God in Christ, and fraternal love to each other, will give a perfect emphasis to their united bliss, will heighten the sweet melody of the heavenly choir, and fill every saint and every spirit with the sublimest joy. O happy consummation of the being of the redeemed! how delightful to anticipate this in faithful expectation! But how much more delightful, to possess and know !-Thanks be to God, the hour shall shortly come, when this corruptible shall put on incorruption, and this mortal shall be clothed with immortality; when every believing eye shall see the glorious JESUS as He is, and when every Christian indeed shall be for ever like unto Him.-See Serle's Church of God, p. 155.

Oh, brethren, to be saved from our selfishness, our pride, our so frequent falling into our own spirit, which, alas! alas! we are ever so prone to do.

But it was our privilege, on our late visit, to realize and enjoy a goodly share of this sweet communion of which we have been speaking. Many and many a brother -many and many a sister-in our one common Lord, we met, and enjoyed a holy fellowship with. At Leamington we were thus indulged. Many of the Lord's dear children it was our privilege to meet there. One case we remember was that of an afflicted brother. He appeared to be drawing near to the Jordan; and as he sat by the fireside, with his back to the window which overlooked the lively and fashionable street, we thought, "How characteristic of the Christian! Here he is turning his back upon the world. It retains no longer its charms. The affections have loosed its hold. Henceforth there is a looking off and turning away to higher, more enduring realities. And of how great service, in the Lord's wise and wonderworking hand, is affliction. Prone as even the heaven-born and heaven-bound man is to return again in measure to the "beggarly elements," and for his soul to "cleave unto the dust," in what absolute need does he stand of the reviving, renewing, quickening power of the Holy Ghost, to prompt him afresh to "seek those things which are above, where Christ sitteth at the right-hand of God." How precious then-and what a boon-is sanctified affliction. Well might the Psalmist exclaim, "It has been good for me that I have been afflicted." But salutary as affliction is to the soul, it is too flesh-denying for our carnal hearts ever to be reconciled to it. It is only our new nature that says, "It is the Lord; let Him do as seemeth good in his sight.'

Held a mid-day meeting on behalf of the Bonmahon Schools, at Leamington. Singularly, a Clergyman from the immediate neighbourhood happened casually to be present, who on the year previous attended this district as a deputation from the Church Missionary Society, and held a meeting in our Infant School-house. At the close of. our statement, he voluntarily came forward, and confirmed what had been said, and at the same time warmly advocated our claims. On the preceding evening, the friends at whose house we were staying, held a Bible meeting and on this evening sundry ministers and friends met, for prayer and exposition. The former of the two meetings, being less formal, we enjoyed much.-Spent a pleasant hour at Warwick and Kenilworth Castles. On returning, whilst talking on the one theme, the Lord dropped a word into the heart, as we belicved-and as it afterwards proved-for our Sabbath-morning portion.