Page images
PDF
EPUB

It must commend itself to their judgment, by what they perceive, as sincere. It must be consistent; for a want of uniformity, however earnest it may in many respects and at many times appear, will produce disgust. You must "let your light shine before them, that they seeing your good works, may glorify God." You must ever appear invested with all the beauty of a lovely example, which, silent though you be as it respects your tongue, is living eloquence. Your religion must diffuse its lustre over your whole character, and impress itself most deeply on your relation as a wife, and a mother: it must be a new motive to all that respect, and reverence, and devotedness, and meekness, which have been laid before you, and it must lead you to carry every conjugal and maternal virtue to the highest degree of perfection: It must be attended with the most profound humility, for if there be any spiritual pride, any conscious and manifest sense of superiority, any thing approaching to the pharisaic temper, which says, stand by, I am holier than thou," any thing like contempt of your husband, as an unconverted sinner, you will excite an inveterate prejudice, not only against religion, but against yourself; religion will be hated by him for your sake, and you for religion's sake. When you venture to speak to him on the subject of piety, it should be as remotely as possible from all lecturing, all dictation, all reproach, all conscious superiority; and with all possible tenderness, meekness, humility, and persuasive affection. Never talk to him of his state before others, and never talk at him. Nor is it likely to accomplish the object you have in view, to weary him by continual importunity. Many defeat their own end, by an incessant introduction of the subject, and sometimes with an asperity which increases the revulsion, which its own nature is calculated, in such a mind, to produce. An occasional hint, and that of the most tender, respectful, and delicate kind, is all that you should attempt, and then leave your example to speak. Occasionally, you may put an instructive volume in his way, and solicit his perusal of it. Do not bring your religious friends too much about you, so as to annoy him; especially, keep away as much as possible, any that may have a less portion of discre

1

tion than the rest; and confine yourself to the more judicious and best informed. Never rudely interfere with his pursuits, his reading, or his company, although they may not be what you can cordially approve. Till he is

enlightened from above, he will not see the evil of these things, and to attempt to interrupt him, in any other way, than by the mildest and most respectful expostulation, will only do harm. Should he wish to draw you from the high pursuit of eternal life, you are not, of course, in this case, to yield to his persuasion, nor in any thing to concede, where your conscience is decidedly concerned in the matter. You must be firm, but mild. One concession granted by you, would only lead to another. But still, even in this extremity, your resistance of his attempts to interfere with your religion, must be maintained in all the meekness of wisdom, and must be attended with fresh efforts to please, in all things which are lawful. If such a line of conduct should subject you to reproach, anger, and persecution, a most painful and by no means an uncommon case, you must possess your soul in patience, and commit your way to Him that judgeth righteously. Many a persecuting husband, has been subdued, if not to religion, yet to kinder conduct, by the meek and uncomplaining_temper of his wife.

To conclude. Let us all seek after more of the spirit of true religion,-the spirit of faith, of hope, of prayer: a faith, that really believes the word of God, and looketh habitually to the cross of Christ by which we obtain salvation, and to the eternal world where we shall fully and for ever enjoy it: a hope that lives in the expectation and desire of glory, honor, immortality, and eternal life: and a spirit of prayer which leads us daily and hourly to the throne of divine grace, for all that aid of the Holy Ghost, which we need, not only for the duties that refer to our relations to another world, but for those which devolve upon us, in consequence of our relation in this. "Godliness is profitable for all things, having the promise of the life that now is, as well as of that which is to come." The same principle of divine grace which unites us to God, will bind us closer to each other. Religion contains in it, not only the seeds of

immortal virtues, but of such as are mortal: not only the germs of excellencies which are to flourish in the temple of heaven, but which grow up in the house of our pilgrimage upon earth, to enliven with their beauty, and to refresh with their fragrance, the domestic circle. A good christian cannot be a bad husband, or father; and other things being equal, he who has most piety, will shine most in all the relations of life. A Bible placed between man and wife as the basis of their union, the rule of their conduct, and the model of their spirit, will make up many a difference, comfort them under many a cross, guide them in many a strait, wherein flesh and blood will be confounded and at a loss, support them in their last sad parting from each other, and reunite them in the world where they shall go no more out.

"Those married pairs that live, as remembering that they must part again, and give an account how they treat themselves and each other, shall at the day of their death, be admitted to glorious espousals; and when they shall live again, be married to their Lord, and partake of his glories. All those things that now please us, shall pass from us, or we from them; but those things that concern the other life, are permanent as the numbers of eternity: and although at the resurrection, there shall be no relation of husband and wife, and no marriage shall be celebrated but the marriage of the Lamb, yet then shall be remembered how men and women passed through this state, which is a type of that; and from this sacramental union, all holy pairs shall pass to the spiritual and eternal, where love shall be their portion, and joys shall crown their heads, and they shall lie on the bosom of Jesus, and in the heart of God to eternal ages." Amen.

CHAPTER III.

SOME REMARKS ON THE FORMATION OF THE MARRIAGE

UNION.

"Methinks it is a misfortune that the marriage state, which in its own nature is adapted to give us the completest happiness this life is capable of, should be so uncomfortable a one to so many as it daily proves. But the mischief generally proceeds from the unwise choice people make for themselves, and an expectation of happiness from things incapable of giving it. Nothing but the good qualities of the the person beloved, can be a foundation for a love of judgment and discretion; and whoever expects happiness from any thing but virtue, wisdom, good humor, and a similitude of manners, will find themselves widely mistaken." SPECTATOR.

THE preceding chapters make it evident, that marriage is a step of incalculable importance, and ought never to be taken without the greatest consideration and the utmost caution. If the duties of this state are so numerous and so weighty, and if the right discharge of these obligations, as well as the happiness of our whole life, and even our safety for eternity, depends, as they necessarily must do, in no small measure upon the choice we make of a husband or wife, then let reason determine, with what deliberation we should advance to such a connexion. It is obvious, that no decision of our whole earthly existence requires more of the exercise of a calm judgment than this, and yet observation proves how rarely the judgment is allowed to give counsel, and how generally the imagination and the passions settle the business. A very great portion of the misery and of the crime with which society is depraved and afflicted, is the result of ill-formed marriages. If mere passion without prudence, or covetousness without love, be allowed to guide the choice, no wonder that it is improperly done, or that it is highly disastrous in its consequences; and how often are passion and covetousness alone consulted. To use the beautiful language quoted by me in another work, where I have treated briefly the subject of this chapter, I would remark, "that they who enter the marriage state, cast a die of the greatest con

And

tingency, and yet of the greatest interest in the world, next to the last throw for eternity. Life or death, felicity or a lasting sorrow, are in the power of marriage. A woman indeed ventures most, for she hath no sanctuary to retire to, from an evil husband; she must dwell upon her sorrow, which her own folly hath produced; and she is more under it, because her tormentor hath warrant of prerogative, and the woman may complain to God, as subjects do of tyrant princes, but otherwise she hath no appeal in the causes of unkindness. though THE MAN can run from many hours of sadness, yet he must return to it again; and when he sits among his neighbors, he remembers the objection that lies in his bosom, and he sighs deeply." If however, it were merely the comfort of the married pair themselves, that was concerned, it would be a matter of less consequence, a stake of less value; but the well being of a family, not only for this world, but for the next; and equally so the well being of their descendants, even to a remote period, depends upon this union. In the ardor of passion, few are disposed to listen to the counsels of prudence; and perhaps there is no advice, generally speaking, more thrown away, than that which is offered on the subject of marriage. Most persons, especially if they are already attached to a selected object, even though they have not committed themselves by a promise or even a declaration, will go on in the pursuit, blinded by love to the indiscretion of their choice; or desperately determined, with the knowledge of that indiscretion, to accomplish, if possible, their purpose. Upon such individuals, reasoning is wasted, and they must be left to gain wisdom in the only way, by which some will acquire it, painful experience. To others who may be yet disengaged, and disposed to hearken to the language of advice, the following remarks are offered.

In the affair of marriage, BE GUIDED BY THE ADVICE OF PARENTS OR GUARDIANS. Parents have no right to select for you, nor ought you to select for yourself, without consulting with them. How far they are vested with authority to prohibit you from marrying a person whom they disapprove, is a point of casuistry, very difficult to determine. If you are of age, and able to pro

« PreviousContinue »