First. THERE ARE DUTIES COMMON TO BOTH PARTIES. Secondly. THERE ARE DUTIES MORE particularly eN

JOINED UPON EACH.

MY FIRST object will be to state those duties wHICH

ARE COMMON TO BOTH HUSBAND AND WIFE.

1. The first which I mention, and which is the ground of all the rest, is LOVE.

Let this be wanting, and marriage is degraded at once into a brutal or a sordid compact. This duty, which, though for reasons which we shall consider in due place, is especially enjoined on the husband, belongs equally to the wife. It must be mutual, or there can be no happiness; none for the party which does not love, for how dreadful the idea of being chained for life to an individual for whom we have no affection; to be almost ever in the company of a person from whom we are driven back by revulsion, yet driven back upon a bond which prevents all separation and escape; nor can there be any happiness for the party that does love; such an unrequited affection must soon expire, or live only to consume that wretched heart in which it burns. A married couple without mutual regard, is one of the most pitiable spectacles on earth. They cannot, and, indeed, in ordinary circumstances, ought not to separate, and yet they remain united only to be a torment to each other. They serve one important purpose, however, in the history of mankind, and that is, to be a beacon to all who are yet disengaged, to warn them against the sin and folly of forming this union, upon any other basis than that of a pure and mutual attachment; and to admonish all that are so united, to watch with most assiduous vigilance their mutual regard, that nothing be allowed to damp the sacred flame.

As the union should be formed on the basis of love, so should great care be taken, especially in the early stages of it, that nothing might arise to unsettle or loosen our attachments. Whatever knowledge we may obtain of each others tastes and habits, before marriage, it is neither so accurate, so comprehensive, nor so impressive, as that which we acquire by living together; and it is of prodigious consequence, that when little defects are first noticed, and trivial faults and oppositions first occur, they should not be allowed to produce an unfa

vorable impression upon the mind. The remarks of Bishop Jeremy Taylor in his inimitably beautiful sermon, entitled, "The Marriage Ring," are so much in point, that I shall introduce a long extract in reference to this idea.

"Man and wife are equally concerned to avoid all offences of each other in the beginning of their conversation; every little thing can blast an infant blossom and the breath of the south can shake the little rings of the vine, when first they begin to curl like the locks of a new weaned boy; but when by age and consolidation they stiffen into the hardness of a stem, and have by the warm rays of the sun, and the kisses of heaven, brought forth their clusters, they can endure the storms of the north, and the loud noises of a tempest, and yet never be broken so are the early unions of an unfixed marriage; watchful and observant, jealous and busy, inquisitive and careful, and apt to take alarm at every unkind word. For infirmities do not manifest themselves in the first scenes, but in the succession of a long society; and it is not chance or weakness when it appears at first, but it is want of love or prudence, or it will be so expounded; and that which appears ill at first, usually affrights the inexperienced man or woman, who makes unequal conjectures, and fancies mighty sorrows by the proportion of the new and early unkindness. is a very great passion, or a huge folly, or a certain want of love, that cannot preserve the colors and beauties of kindness, so long as public honesty requires a man to wear their sorrows for the death of a friend. Plutarch compares a new marriage to a vessel before the hoops are on, every thing dissolves its tender compaginations; but when the joints are stiffened and are tied by a firm compliance and proportioned bending, scarcely can it be dissolved without fire, or the violence of iron. After the hearts of the man and wife are endeared and hardened by a mutual confidence and experience, longer than artifice and pretence can last, there are a great many remembrances, and some things present, that dash all little unkindnesses in pieces.

It

"Let man and wife be careful to stifle little things, that as fast as they spring, they be cut down and trod

upon; for if they be suffered to grow by numbers, they make the spirit peevish, and the society troublesome, and the affections loose and uneasy by an habitual aversation. Some men are more vexed with a fly than with a wound ; and when the gnats disturb our sleep, and the reason is disquieted, but not perfectly awakened,it is often seen that he is fuller of trouble than if in the daylight of his reason he were to contest with a potent enemy. In the frequent little accidents of a family, a man's reason cannot always be awake; and when his discourses are imperfect and a trifling trouble makes him yet more restless, he is soon betrayed to the violence of passion. It is certain that the man or woman are in a state of weakness and folly then, when they can be troubled with a trifling accident; and therefore it is not good to tempt their affections, when they are in that state of danger. In this case the caution is, to subtract fuel from the sudden flame; for stubble, though it be quickly kindled, yet it is as soon extinguished, if it be not blown by a pertinacious breath, or fed with new materials. Add no new provocations to the accident, and do not inflame this, and peace will soon return, and the discontent will pass away soon, as the sparks from the collision of a flint; ever remembering, that discontents proceeding from daily little things, do breed a secret undiscernible disease, which is more dangerous than a fever proceeding from a discerned notorious surfeit."

If they would preserve love, let them be sure to study most accurately each other's tastes and distastes, and most anxiously abstain from whatever, even in the minutest things, they know to be contrary to them. The ancients in their conjugal allegories, used to represent Mercury standing by Venus, to signify that by fair language, and sweet entreaties, the minds of each other should be united.

If they would preserve love, let them most carefully avoid all curious and frequently repeated distinctions of MINE and THINE: for this hath caused all the laws, and all the suits, and all the wars in the world; let them who have but one person, have also but one interest. Instances may occur in which there may and must be,

a separate investiture of property, and a sovereign independent right of disposal in the woman; in this case, the most anxious care should be taken by the husband not to attempt to invade that right, and by the wife, neither ostentatiously to speak of it, nor rigidly to claim it, nor selfishly to exercise it. In ordinary cases, "they should be heirs to each other, if they die childless; and if there be children,the wife should be with them a partner in the inheritance. But during their life the use and employment is common to both their necessities, and in this there is no other difference of right, but that the man hath the dispensation of all, and may keep it from his wife, just as the governor of a town may keep it from the right owner; he hath the power but not the right to do so."

2. MUTUAL RESPECT is a duty of married life; for though as we shall afterwards consider, especial reverence is due from the wife, yet is respect due from the husband also.

As it is difficult to respect those, who are not entitled to it on any other ground than superior rank or common relationship, it is of immense consequence, that we should present to each other, that conduct which deserves respect and commands it. Moral esteem is one of the firmest supports, and strongest guards of love; and a high degree of excellence cannot fail to produce such esteem. We are more accurately known to each other in this connexion, than either to the world, or even to our own servants and children. The privacies of such a relationship lay open our motives, and all the interior of our character; so that we are better known to each other than we are to ourselves. If therefore, we would be respected, we should be respectable. Charity covers a multitude of faults, it is true; but we must not presume too far upon the credulity and blindness of affection; there is a point beyond which, even love cannot be blind to the crimson coloring of a guilty action. Every piece of really sinful conduct, the impropriety of which cannot be mistaken, tends to sink us in each other's esteem, and thus to remove the safe guards of affection. Perhaps this has not been sufficiently thought of in wedded life, the parties of which have been some

times anxious merely to cover their delinquencies from the world, forgetful that it is a dreadful thing to lose their mutual respect. It is delightfully striking to observe, how some pairs, of eminent moral worth, regard each other; what reverence is blended with their love, and how like to angel forms of heavenly excellence they appear to one another.

In all the conduct of the conjugal state then, there should be the most marked and unvarying mutual respect even in little things: there must be no searching after faults, nor examining, with microscopic scrutiny, such as cannot be concealed; no reproachful epithets ; no rude contempt; no incivility; no cold neglect: there should be courtesy without ceremony; politeness without formality; attention without slavery; it should, in short, be the tenderness of love, supported by esteem, and guided by politeness. And then, we must maintain our mutual respectability before others; strangers, friends, servants, children, must all be taught to respect from what they see in our behaviour. It is in the highest degree improper, for either party to do an action, to say a word, or assume a look, that shall have the remotest tendency to lower the other in public esteem.

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3. MUTUAL ATTACHMENT TO EACH OTHER'S SOCIETY, is a common duty of husband and wife.

We are united to be companions; to live together, to walk together, to talk together. The husband is commanded" to dwell with the wife according to knowledge." "This," says Mr. Jay, "intends nothing less than residence, opposed to absence and roving. It is absurd, for those who have no prospect of dwelling together, to enter this state; and those who are already in it, should not be unnecessarily abroad. Circumstances of various kinds will doubtless render occasional excursions unavoidable; but let a man return as soon as the design of his absence is accomplished, and let him always travel with the words of Solomon in his mind, 'As a bird that wandereth from her nest, so is a man that wandereth from his place.' Can a man while from home, discharge the duties he owes to his household? Can he discipline his children? Can he maintain the worship of God in his family? I know it is the duty of the