his

was silent, and wept; but his heart was too full, long to suppress the emotions produced by so affecting a request. He raised head, and with eyes streaming with tears, exclaimed, "O that I had never been born! 0 that I had never been born! For two years I have been sorry God ever made me." What reply could such a mother make to such a disclosure? It was given her in that same hour what she should speak:-"My son," said she, "you are born, and you can never throw off your existence, nor your everlasting accountability for all your conduct." This heavy thought was like a dagger to his soul. His mother expressed her fears that he had never thoroughly seen the evil of his own heart, and that he had much to learn before he was acquainted with himself;--to which he ventured to say, “I have seen to the very bottom of hell!" With this frame of mind, he took a melancholy leave of his parents for the winter; and it was a day never to be forgotten in the life of Mr. Mills, nor in our recollection of those splendid schemes of benevolence which characterized his subsequent history, and to which the events of this day bore so intimate a relation. What took place under his father's roof, may be easily conjectured ;a scene, apparently of very little moment, and never unveiled till now-a scene, the world would scarcely deign to look at, but one on which God looks down with smiles-a scene, in which no prince or princess is the actor, but

one which princes might come down from their thrones to emulate :-a devout and humble woman, wrestling with the Angel of the Covenant, and as a prince obtaining power to prevail !

The farewell to his mother drove her to her knees. There is such a thing as special faith in prayer. It was such to this dear saint, when she went to plead for her poor son. She felt his sorrows and her own; and God was pleased not only to show her that all her help was in him, but to enable her to feel that to him could her heart turn as her only God in covenant, and from him could it find unutterable relief. She did not leave her closet, till she found the full relief she sought, and till her mind was confidently assured that God would remember mercy for her child! It ought to be recorded, that on that very morning, it pleased the Holy Ghost, as she afterwards ascertained, to knock off the chains from this unhappy prisoner, and introduce him into the liberty of the sons of God. He had not gone far, before he had such a view of the perfections of God, that he wondered he had never seen their beauty and glory before. There was nothing in God now which distressed him. He had lost all his opposition to the divine sovereignty; and, such were his views of this adorable perfection, that he could not refrain from exclaiming, "O glorious sovereignty! O glorious sovereignty!" He retired a small distance into the woods, that he might be the more at liberty to contemplate the character

of God, and adore and extol his holy and amia ble sovereignty: but he here saw so much of God, that his mind was almost lost in the overwhelming manifestation. The scene was altogether new. There was a wonderful change either in God or in him. Every thing was gilded with light and glory; and now and then, as he gazed at the splendor and majesty of the divine character, he would still exclaim, “O glorious sovereignty!" It does not appear that in all this he was bribed into acquiescence. "His mind was so constantly occupied in viewing the perfections of God, and in meditating on his word and works, and so continued for several weeks, that he did not think of himself with any degree of concern." Such is the nature of genuine religion. It is far from being indispensable to our cordial acquiescence in God's character and government, to be persuaded that we are interested in his mercy. Though from Mr. Mills's letters, his friends were induced to hope that some change had taken place in his views; he himself was conscious of no hope, till about three months after this period. "Surely, it shall be said of Jacob and of Israel, What hath God wrought!"

CHAP. II.

His Education and early devotion to the Missionary cause.

WE can scarcely fail to have observed, that the Divine Spirit often gives a particular impulse in conversion, which prepares its subject for some particular service. There are those who are impressed with enlarged views of divine truth; and not unfrequently of the importance, consistency, and beauty of some particular truths, which in the developments of Divine Providence, it is seen they are destined to defend and maintain. And there are those who are almost instantaneously roused to purposes of active benevolence, and the first discernible tendencies of whose affections are toward the wants and woes of their perishing fellow-men. To one who is conversant with the peculiarities of their exercises on spiritual subjects, it is not more certain, that Jonathan Edwards and Andrew Fuller were prepared, in the early stages of their Christian experience, for the distinguished part they have acted in illustrating and demonstrating the grand truths of revealed religion,

than were David Brainerd and Samuel J. Mills, for distinguished efforts as Missionaries of the

cross.

The direction of young Mills's thoughts may be gathered from a single suggestion, soon after his return from Litchfield. The first idea his father had of his change of mind, arose from an observation he made, "that he could not conceive of any course of life in which to pass the rest of his days, that would prove so pleasant, as to go and communicate the gospel salvation to the poor heathen." His attention was directed to this subject by remarks, which in his childhood he had often heard from the lips of his mother. She was a Missionary_woman, and frequently spake of Brainerd, and Eliot, and other Missionaries and as she dwelt upon the glorious cause in which they were engaged, he once heard her say respecting himself" I have consecrated this child to the service of God as a Missionary." This remark made an impression on his mind that was never effaced. Thus early did a sovereign God, who has pity on the heathen, set apart Samuel J. Mills for a Missionary. And it is somewhat remarkable, that from the first hour of his conversion he never lost sight of his darling object. Though but a youth of nineteen, he discovered a zeal in the Missionary cause, an eagerness in the pursuit of Missionary intelligence, and an enlargement of thought in his plans, to become acquainted with the true state of the unevangelized world, which left little doubt