2dly. The Lord was pleased, by my unprofitableness, to teach me more of the true method of preaching, and to shew me where I had been deficient; that though I had been much engaged in preaching Christ, and encouraging and beseeching sinners to come to him, yet I had not been sufficiently careful to convince the sinner of his wretched and miserable state by nature, and in opening and discovering to him the plague of his own heart. The necessity of often insisting on these points has appeared to me in a clearer light than ever, while reading that excellent book, "Sheppard's Sound Believer" (a book to which I was very providentially directed), and "Bolton's Method of Comforting afflicted Consciences."

3dly. The Lord was pleased by my unprofitableness to humble me under a deeper conviction of my own inability and negligence, and to bring me rather to desire that grace whereby I should be rendered faithful, than the honour of being successful. Oh how have I been abased under a sense of my deficiency; and how earnestly have I been led to cry for enlightening, quickening, and assisting grace!

4thly. The Lord gave me to see, that my distress and grief on account of the want of success, had much pride in it. This the Lord who searcheth the heart had noticed, and therefore righteously denied what I had so earnestly requested. I see more and more that it is the humble soul whom God will honour.

This morning (being the third or fourth weekly return of the season which I had agreed, with several neighbouring Ministers, to employ in united prayer for a blessing on our labours), the Lord was pleased to make very great and humbling discoveries to my soul. I was given to see something of his glory. My mind was powerfully impressed and filled with the apprehension of his Greatness and Majesty, till in humble abasement I fell at his feet, abhorring myself and shrinking into nothing before him. Now I was brought to be ashamed of, and humbled for, my former deep but pharisaical sorrows on account of my little success. I was led to see more of the dignity of the ministerial work, and my own unworthiness of it. I was brought to acquiesce in the will of God, though he had not seen fit to honour me with that success which I had so impatiently desired. I was laid low at his footstool through a consciousness of the pride of my heart, as unworthy to lift up so much as my eyes to his Sacred Majesty; and felt that I hardly dared to ask for the honour which I had before so importunately and pertinaciously entreated. I was ready to say, Lord! who am I, that I should be called to this great work; an employ that would do honour to the bright angels above? Who am I, that I should be cast down if I have not the great honour of being instrumental in bringing souls to Christ? O give me a heart to subscribe to thy wisdom, in choosing the instruments for the calling of thy chosen ones, by whom thou wilt be

more exalted and glorified. May I be made, by thy grace, such a vessel of honour, be emptied of self, and filled with a pure and ardent zeal for thy glory! Amen and amen.

July 21.-I have been this day observing in public the anniversary of my ordination, from those affecting words, Gal. iv. 11. "I am afraid of you, lest I have bestowed upon you labour in vain."

O that I had not so much reason to make the melancholy application! But what shall I say? I would desire to say, The will of the Lord be done. But it is affecting, and truly painful to my soul, to think of being an instrument employed in sealing up poor souls in judicial hardness; to preach the Gospel to sinners who will not hear, that his righteousness may be thereby made more manifest in their everlasting condemnation! But if it be the pleasure of the Lord that it should be so, why shouldest thou, my soul, reply against him?--I have been free in telling my people, that in my most serious reflections, I have been ready to conclude, that the Lord hath no great work of mercy for me to do in this place. O my God! how would it rejoice my heart to find it otherwise! but my judgment is with the Lord, and my work with my God. O Lord, my God, I have long sown in tears, and shall I not reap in joy? Thou wilt give the precious seed a body, as it shall please thee; and however contrary to my present desires, I shall then reap the precious fruit with joy, with adoration,

and with praise. Oh help me now to say, "Father, glorify thy name!" Amen.

Sept. 25.-Blessed be God! he has been pleased, I trust, at length to crown my labours with some success, and to turn my sorrow into joy.-I have lately been conversing with a young man who appears to be sincerely setting his face Zionward. Working in this town, and attending occasionally at the Meeting, the Lord has been pleased to cause the word to fasten on him, and to carry light and conviction with it to his heart. He thought himself in a right and safe way before; but the Lord graciously convinced him of his mistake while, in the course of my exposition, I was treating on the history of Pharoah's hardness, and the severe and repeated judgments of God made use of to subdue and make him yield.—In this I cannot but observe. several things. It was after I had been long and severely exercised, that the Lord was pleased thus to appear and clothe the word with power. When the Lord had brought low, and, in some measure, made humble, then he graciously appeared, and gave the honour of success. This was because he would have the honour ascribed to himself. O my soul, to Him do thou ascribe it! Be thou exalted O my God! in thine own strength. Thou shalt wear the crown; and my joy shall be to see thy glory advancing, and especially to be instrumental therein. It was when I was sowing in tears, that

the Lord was pleased to give the increase, and thus enabled me to reap with joy.

1772.

April 26.-I call upon my soul to praise the Lord, for what he hath done for me! I would praise him for personal mercies, family mercies, and sing of judgment too. The sword hath been drawn, but it is sheathed again. Twice my dear child has been shaken over the grave, and every glimmering hope of her reviving again was gone; but yet she lives-lives as a continued comfort to her dear parents, and, I hope, to be an instrument to exalt the praises of her dear Redeemer. Oh that this may be her employ, yea, her everlasting employ! I hope I have cause to sing of mercy in the midst of judgment,-mercy, revealed under all the darkness of this trying dispensation. I found myself enabled to resign my dear babe to her God and my God. With him I left her, with some degree of complacency, submitting to the disposal of a wise and loving Father. Through his rich grace, my soul could rest on the everlasting covenant, and find consolation in his exceeding great and precious promises. I looked unto him and was lightened. This God is my God, for ever and ever : he shall be my guide even unto death.

1773.

June.-Glory be to that God, who has accounted me faithful, putting me into the ministry and has