with the same disease and died January 19, 1806. This sad loss to him was quickly followed by the death of his brother Thomas, February 15, and thirteen days later by the death of his sister Elizabeth, both of the same disease. These sad events had a powerful and lasting effect upon him. Now Asa Thurston began to feel the effect of character and environment. With a deeply affectionate disposition, fond of music, a natural lover of pleasure, and possessed of a keen sense of humor, he had also a tender conscience and a vein of strong and serious feeling. For years his mind had been at times turned to the subject of religion; members of his family had urged him to profess a Christian life, and now, again, his thoughts turned in that direction, and most seriously. But it was hard for him to give up worldly pleasures and take only the will of God for his guide. That, with him, could not be done in any half-way or doubting manner; it must be a selfrenunciation. The whole trend of his temperament and character led him inevitably to that; but the time had not yet come. In six months he was again in the ball room, again the leader in pleasure, and apparently forgetful of religion, while under the surface, deep within his soul, was working a force which he could not resist, that brought him at the age of twenty-two years to a public profession of religion, and henceforth he was a new man.

The following paper was written by him and presented to the examining committee of the church when he was propounded for admission. It was formerly in possession of Dea. Alvan Simonds of Boston, and was first published by Mr. Edwin A. Harris in his pamphlet on the life of Asa Thurston. It is well worthy of preservation as a help to the study of character, and the nature and tendencies of religious thought in the early years of the nineteenth century.

I lived almost entirely unconcerned about my precious soul till I was past sixteen years of age. I sometimes thought that religion was of importance and that I would attend to it at some future period, but I felt disposed to put off repentance to a more convenient season. I thought that after I had become old I should have nothing else to do but to attend to religion, but could not bear the thought of attending to the concerns of eternity so young. I thought that I was as good as many others, and that I should fare as well. When I was about sixteen years old it pleased God to send his Holy Spirit to convince and convict many in this place of their sins, by which I was alarmed. I began to think religion was of some importance, that I would attend to it. Seeing some of my young friends and connexions embracing the Saviour and singing the wonders of redeeming love, I thought I should like to be one of the happy number. I felt somewhat anxious about being prepared for death and eternity, but I had very little if any conviction of sin by the law. I knew that I was a sinner, but I had no realizing sense of the opposition of my heart to God and holiness. I knew that I must repent of my sins or perish forever, but notwithstanding all this knowledge, I soon lost all my serious impressions and anxious thoughts about myself and became as careless as ever. But I could not go on in sin with so calm a conscience as before. Some of my friends and connexions that formerly had been my most intimate companions in sin became faithful witnesses against me, and in particular my sister. She would often reprove me for my folly. Her friendly voice would frequently warn me in the most solemn manner: "Why will you not forsake your beloved sinful companions and go along with me? Do be entreated, my dear brother, to forsake your sins and embrace the Saviour. How can you crucify the benevolent Jesus?" But I could see no loveliness in him, so I said, "Go thy way for this time; when I have a more convenient season I will call for thee." And thus I went on in my own chosen way till at length God appeared in judgment against me and visited me with sickness, at which time few, if any, expected I should recover; but God, being rich in mercy, saw fit to forbear, and restored me to health. I felt somewhat rejoiced, but had no heart to sing praises to God for his mercy. My spared life, which ought to have been devoted to God, was spent in the service of Satan. I expected I should have no more to trouble me, but I was soon arrested by a most solemn providence. God was pleased to take from me a most affectionate and loving mother. This, indeed, was a most solemn scene to me. To think that but a few weeks before she was in sound health, and I, to all appearance, on the verge of eternity, and then to

look back and behold the hand of God in restoring me to health, while she was called into the eternal world! About this time my eldest brother was taken sick, and in a short time departed this life. In his last moments I stood by the side of his dying bed, to hear his last, his dying admonition. Solemn and heart-affecting were his last words. He earnestly entreated me to see first that my peace was made with God. He solemnly warned me to escape from the wrath to come. I then made some resolves that I would attend to religion. I was again soon called to witness the departure of my sister. She was one of the richest of heaven's blessings to me, and, alas! she was too precious a blessing for me to retain. God was pleased to take her from me, and thus in about the space of six weeks I was called to part with a most affectionate parent, a most faithful brother, and an affectionate and dear sister.

I thought if all these solemn warnings and admonitions that I had been called to pass through did not excite me to attend to the concerns of my soul, that there was no means that would. But, alas! I soon forgot them and became as careless and heedless as ever, and more so. That I was extremely hardened in sin by these providences is evident from this-in about six months I was engaged in the ballroom! Who would have thought this of a rational creature? To look back on the solemn scenes that I had been called to pass through so lately, and then to see the ungrateful, stupid part I was acting! Who would have thought that my limbs, that had been so lately snatched from the grave, would have been suffered to move in the service of Satan? But I scruple not to say there was no one there more gay and active than myself; but in the midst of these scenes of gayety and sinful pleasure these solemn words of my deceased brother would come into my mind, viz., "Escape from the wrath to come." These words followed me for the space of about four years, until at length I was brought to feel that if I did not escape I should soon be lifting up my eyes in torment. In this solemn situation I looked back on my past life with trembling. I then saw how I had been deaf to all the solemn calls, warnings and invitations of the gospel and the offers of mercy. I saw how I had been fighting against God all my days, and that it was because he was God and not man that I was spared.

Twenty-two years of my precious life had been trifled away in the service of Satan! So much time gone to eternity and the deeds thereof sealed up to the judgment of the great day! In this solemn situation I bid farewell to my gay companions. I felt, indeed, that I was in a lonely and disconsolate state. In this gloomy and melancholy situation

I sometimes attempted to ask for mercy, but no mercy could I find, and, indeed, I could see no mercy that I deserved, for saith the eternal God, "I have called, but ye have refused; I have stretched out my hand, and no man regarded; therefore I will laugh at your calamity, and mock when your fear cometh; when distress and anguish come upon you, then shall ye call, but I will not answer." I felt that God had called so long on me to repent, and I had turned a deaf ear to his voice, that there could be no hope respecting me. I found that my heart was wholly and totally opposed to God and holiness, and that it would be just in God should he cast me off forever. All the solemn warnings that had been addressed to me in my past life from the people of God, and in particular those from my brother and sister, stared me in the face. I could almost hear them saying, "Escape from the wrath to come." But I could see no way of escape for me. I thought I had sinned against so much light and knowledge that there could be no hope respecting such an ungrateful wretch as myself. I sometimes read my long-neglected Bible, but, dreadful to behold, the curses of the divine law all stood against me. I looked forward to the dreadful Judgment day-there I seemed to stand trembling, expecting every moment to hear the righteous Judge pronounce the awful sentence, "Depart!" and myself saying, "Amen! it is just!" Under these solemn considerations, I would frequently ask myself, “What shall I do?" and the answer would always be at hand, which was this-"Submit to God!" and at length I was brought to feel that such was the hardness of my heart and the stubbornness of my will that nothing short of the power that raised Christ from the dead could ever subdue the heart of stone and bow the stubborn will. I then felt that I was entirely dependent on God's sovereign will and pleasure, and that he would do with and dispose of me and all his creatures for his own glory.

I was brought, as I humbly hope and trust, to feel willing to say, with my heart, to my God, "Glorify thyself with me, do with and for me that which shall be most for thine honor and glory." I thought I felt willing that God should take the throne that I had been long contending with him about, likewise I was willing to cast myself down at the foot of sovereign mercy. I then was brought to feel the way in which mercy could flow down to such a heaven-daring sinner as I had been-and to my joyful surprise I beheld with the eyes of the mind the Lord of life and glory suspended on the cross. I then saw how my sins had pierced his innocent hands and feet and fastened them to the accursed tree. I saw the big wound in his side that the spear of unbelief had made-and then I seemed to hear him saying to me (not with

an audible voice, but by his Spirit), "Come unto me, look and live,” and truly astonishing and animating was the smiling of his countenance. Oh, how cheerfully did I embrace him as the Lord my righteousness. I felt willing to trust my all, my eternal all, in his hands. Oh, how sweet was the union and communion between Christ and my soul! And what love and joy then filled my peaceful breast! Oh, how glorious was that Saviour who honored the divine law, in my view! Even the Lord of glory condescended to dwell in the heart of such a selfdestroying apostate. Oh, what songs of praise did my heart sing to my God and Saviour! I felt in my heart that the inhabitants of heaven were rejoicing over a repenting, returning prodigal. I went about saying to myself, "Can this be true?" Am I a subject of the love of God? Can this be the heart so lately filled with bitterest enmity against God and all goodness? But now it is melting! Melting with what? Why, with love to my God and Saviour. Who can measure the love of Christ? Surely, no one. It is boundless; it cannot be fathomed. And Oh, what gratitude I owe to my God for his long-suffering patience with such a vile wretch, and for the wonders he has wrought for me in the course of my past life. Once he delivered me from immediate death by the untimely discharge of a gun, and once his almighty arm brought me up from the borders of the grave. Must not this God have all my songs and all my love? He must and shall have the first share in the affections of my heart. I must count all things but loss and dross for the excellence of the blessed Immanuel. I think I now take comfort and satisfaction in religion if I am not deceived. The long-despised band of Christians now appear most lovely; they have the first share in my affections below my God and Saviour. I think, if I am not deceived, I feel willing to deny myself and take up the cross and follow Christ.

Asa Thurston now felt that he must become a minister of the gospel, and to that end he must obtain a suitable education. He entered Yale college in 1812. In these days he would have been quickly seized upon as just the man for the football team or the "Varsity" crew. As it was,

he participated with distinction in various college sports, and his athletic ability was so well recognized that at one time he was requested by the faculty to clear a room of sophomores, who were understood to be preparing some plan for hazing the freshmen, which duty he easily per