1772.] DIARY. 259 His words seemed us to lay hold on the covenant. addressed to me as an answer to my prayer. Upon the whole, it has been a sweet day to my soul. I gloried in Jesus; I could have spoken aloud to his praise; his name was as ointment poured forth; the enemy was kept off, though he often attempted to molest me. I could not forbear giving thanks with an audible voice in my way home; my heart was exceeding joyful. O for that state when we shall enjoy the Lord without interruption, and without end! Come quickly, Lord Jesus! Since writing the foregoing page, the Lord has been pleased to send a severe fever upon me, which has confined me for seven weeks. It began upon the Monday after the sacrament, at which time I received uncommon consolation, and had a sort of impression that it was a strengthening cordial before some great trial. I was afraid it might have been temptation to some sin, and cried much to the Lord to keep me, and rather let me suffer any pain than sin against so much mercy as he had manifested towards me. For some days after, I thought myself dying, and my soul was cold and unaffected. I had neither fear nor joy in the view of death. I was enabled simply to commit myself into the Lord's hands, to do with me whatever he saw best. The chief uneasiness I felt was lest the rod should not be sanctified;-and I have cause to apprehend this, for, notwithstanding the amazing goodness of God to my soul and body, I continue a poor, weak, cold, ungrateful creature,-my mind is enfeebled, and I am unfit for every thing, but to learn patience and submission to the Lord's will. CHAPTER XI. Lady Glenorchy takes the management of her temporal affairs into her own hands-Conducts herself with prudence and firmness-Makes all her temporal concerns subservient to religion-Extracts from Diary, from June 21, to July 6, 1772-Lady Glenorchy goes to Taymouth with Lord Breadalbane-Extracts from Diary, from July 26, to September 12, 1772-Lady Glenorchy returns to Barnton, becomes acquainted with the Ladies Henrietta and Sophia Hope-Lady Glenorchy forms the design of building a chapel in Edinburgh-Circumstances attending laying the foundation-stone of that building-Extracts from Diary-Lady Glenorchy's great humility-Extracts from Diary from January 1, to February 7, 1773-Lady Glenorchy establishes a chapel at Strathfillan, in the parish of Killin, and places it under the direction of the Society in Scotland for Propagating Christian Knowledge -Lady Glenorchy goes to Taymouth-Becomes more and more necessary to Lord Breadalbane-Peculiar Christian experience-Extracts from Diary. DEEP seriousness and religious feeling, were the habits which continually occupied the mind of Lady Glenorchy; yet she was, as we before observed, possessed of strong natural abilities and talents for business, and showed by her own practice, that true piety and a becoming attention to worldly matters, are far from being inconsistent and incompatible things. Having now the command of her time, she took her secular affairs into her own management, and permitted the intervention of men of business as little as possible. She was neither suspicious on the one hand, nor credulous on the other; and although she did not possess perhaps what is commonly denominated sharpness in worldly 1772.] HER TEMPORAL AFFAIRS. 261 transactions, she had nevertheless penetration and caution sufficient to prevent any gross impositions being practised upon her. She let her farms, and collected her rents. But she never appeared at any time in a court of law, either as plaintiff or defendant, and yet she was never known to have suffered any material loss in her pecuniary concerns. Her personal appearance at Barnton was, of course, at times indispensably requisite. Accordingly, we find her there in the month of June this year, and this place must now be considered, in a sense, as her home. She, however, at the earnest desire of Lord Breadalbane, and that, too, frequently at a great deal of personal inconvenience, always attended him during the summer and autumn months at Taymouth, to the very end of his life, and for the most part spent the winter in Edinburgh; from which circumstances she could comparatively pass little of her time at Barnton. She was at this period employed in finishing the external arrangements and embellishments of Barnton, that its appearance might not with any justice be subjected to the censure of those in superior life who might occasionally visit it. These circumstances, however, she considered unworthy of being noticed in her Diary, which she confined to nobler and more important pursuits. Whilst she attended to duties of a temporal nature in their own place, she was much more seriously and earnestly engaged in arranging the state of her heart, that it might appear blameless in the sight of God. The former she found no difficulty in accomplishing; the latter, although she attended to it early and late, and with all her might, she could not reduce to the order she wished, and which was the almost constant subject of her thoughts, and her prayers, and her lamentations, and her tears before God, and the cause of which she searched for, as with lighted candles, through every avenue of her spirit, which will appear by the next quotation from her Diary. Barnton, June 21.Being detained by sickness from public worship, I shall endeavour to employ this day in examination of my heart in the presence of God, to inquire into the cause of the decline I feel of the spiritual life in my soul. The symptoms are, reluctance to, and deadness in prayer,-disrelish for the word of God, and darkness upon my mind when reading it,-wandering thoughts in hearing, and in social prayer,-no desire to speak to others about their souls; not seeking opportunities of doing so, and rather shunning them, and when I am at any time obliged to do it, can say nothing to edification. I join more readily than I used to do in worldly conversation, and do not find it so tiresome as formerly. In the morning, instead of waking with the Lord, and finding his word upon my heart, I often find worldly thoughts there, which take such violent possession of me, that I cannot drive them out, even when I go to prayer. I feel a general decay of all the graces of the Spirit in my soul. The importunities of the poor weary me, instead of rejoicing, as I ought to do, in the privilege of relieving the wants of the needy. I feel grieved at the numbers who apply to me, and fear giving to them, lest I should not have enough left for the plans I have laid, not considering, that if the Lord calls for it in this way, and I give in obedience to his command, he will either supply me for the other purposes I have in view, or not call for the execution of them. I feel my conscience less tender than it used to be, my heart hard, and not grieved at the neglect of duty. I am apt to abuse the doctrine of free grace, and say in my heart, "If once in Christ, always in Christ; why then should I be afraid ?" Thus I sit 1772.] REFLECTIONS ON HER STATE. 263 down contented in false peace. O Lord, wherefore is it thus with me? Thou only knowest; search me and try me. Is there an Achan in the camp? let him be brought forth this day and slain before thee. Whatever pain it may give, yet spare it not, O my God! I am thy servant, let not mine enemies triumph over me. O rescue me from the powers of darkness; make haste to help me,-make no long tarrying, O my God! In the multitude of thy tender mercies, for Jesus' sake, blot out my transgressions, and pardon my sins, for they are great; and seal thy pardon to my soul, that a sense thereof may produce godly sorrow, and repentance not to be repented of. O revive and quicken my soul by the renewing influences of thy Holy Spirit, for thine own name's sake. Hast thou not brought me out from among the heathen, and given me a name among thy people, and by thine own almighty power preserved me hitherto, not for my sake, but because so it seemed good in thy sight? Do not then, O God, give me up into the hands of mine enemies, lest thine own glorious name be blasphemed ; but rather manifest thy power and love, in turning me again from mine iniquities; and glorify thy grace in my salvation, that all who see me may say, "Let the Lord be magnified, that taketh pleasure in the prosperity of his servants." Hear this prayer, I beseech thee, O my Father, for Jesus' sake. Amen. Upon recollection, I think the present comfortless frame of mind may proceed from one of the following causes:-The hurry of company and business I have been engaged in for half a year past, which, together with bad health, deprived me of many hours I used formerly to spend in devotion, and also of public opportunities of waiting upon God; or, it may be, the change in my outward circumstances; or my inward |