preaching against it, I was overtaken with it. But that word is helpful, "When I fent you, lacked ye any thing?" and that John xiv. 18. "I will not leave you comfortless; "I will come to you." OI find it a difficult thing to be really religious. I preached it in Langton, having procured the minister of that place to preach in Simprin that day, being the Sabbath immediately preceding my ordination; and upon that day's work, I find I had the following reflection. What good this preaching hath done to others, 'I know not; yet I think myself am not the worse of it: 'O! that it were written in my heart, as it is in my book? On the Monday I went to Simprin, and found, that Langton had ordered a decent entertainment for the minifters at the ordination, which I was almost hopeless of. On the morrow I went to an ordination, where I faw the candidate answered the queftions by a nod or bowing of the head; which I wished not to imitate. From thence I went to Berwick; and having nighted at Churnfide, returned to Dunfe on the Wednesday, where I got fome impreffion of the weight of the work of the ministry fixed on my fpirit, which continued with me, while at my chamber, and while abroad about neceffary bufinefs, and received fome comfortable account of the preceding Sabbath's work.

Sept. 20. After prayer, meditating on what is before me, I faw much of the weight of the work; wherefore I went to God mourning, and poured out my foul to him. I faw it a great matter to have the charge of fouls, and to be faithful. Two things were mainly before me the difficulty to carry right in the miniftry in general; which was heightened from the confideration of the prefent ftate of affairs, and an impreffion I had of matters turning worfe: and then the difficulty of carrying right to the poor parish to which I am called, These made my heart almost to fink: and indeed my heart and flesh did faint and fail; but that word, John xiv. 18. above cited, and efpecially that If. xl 11. "He fhall feed "his flock," did bear me up. When I went to prayer again, I had more confidence and courage; and when I came away, that word came, Heb. x. 35. "Caft not a"way your confidence," &c. And while I was meditating, J F. came in to me; and told me, that laft Lord's day at Langton was, in her opinion, an extraordinary day, particularly to her cafe and feeling; and that her

cafe

This is the second time that

cafe was read in the fermons. fermons preached for my own cafe had fo reached that woman's. Having fpent the time in prayer, meditation, and reading, till the night was well far on, and remembering how Satan is fure to lay wait for me in a special manner before fome great work that I have to do, I committed foul, body, and spirit, to the Lord, and fo went on with fpiritual thoughts

Sept. 21. But that which I feared came upon me: Satan got advantage of me indeed, and his hand appeared eminent in it. This did fadly caft me down: fo I poured out my foul before the Lord, hoping against hope while I walked up and down; for in fo far as it came from the devil, it dafhed my confidence the lefs. Afterwards I grew more dull in my frame; but going to God again, I got a little more of God. I spent the reft of the time in my chamber in prayer and meditation. After I had been

a while in company in Mr Colden's, I retired to his gar den and meditated, my heart being in a tender frame. And when I came away, and through the day, that word was given me for fupport, Deut. xxxiii. 27. “The eter "nal God is thy refuge, and underneath are the ever"lafting arms." And I came to Simprin in a folid compofed frame of fpirit, leaning on the forefaid word. This was the doing of the Lord, and wondrous in my eyes. heard fermon with fome good frame; but my heart was very much moved when I came in to the kirk. Mr John Pow minifter at Lennel preached from Acts xx. 24. "But "none of these things move me, neither count I my life

dear unto myfelf, fo that I might finifh my courfe with "joy, and the miniftry which I have received of the Lord "Jefus, to teftify the gofpel of the grace of God." After fermon I was ordained and fet apart to the holy miniftry, by prayer made over me, with the laying on of the hands of the prefbytery. I thought the text was ordained of God for me, and my heart defired to go along with the doctrine, that minifters fhould prefer the faithful difcharge of their miniftry to all their other concerns in the world. While I answered the queftions, which I did at fome length, being fenfible in fome measure of my weaknefs and unworthinefs to be a door-keeper in the house of my God, my heart being great, I had much ado to contain myself; and in that time there were many wet cheeks among the people. So I was ordained; and while the

I

words

words of ordination were faid, I freely refigned myself wholly to the Lord, my foul in effect faying, Even fo, Lord. After the ordination, I received the right hand of fellowship from the brethren: but had no heritor, nor representative of an heritor, to take me by the hand; and I think there were but two elders in the place at that time. Then I received fome exhortations from the minifter aforefaid, actor in the work; and the work was clofed as ordinary.

In this period of my life the difpenfations of God towards me have been very wonderful, as in the former. I muft say, upon the whole, "The Lord's ways are not "our ways, &c. His paths are in the deep waters." My foul is well fatisfied with the determination. He hath enured me to hardness by the oppofition I met with while a preacher. He fruftrated all designs for my fettlement, till the time before appointed, and the bounds of my habitation determined by him were come to, Acts xvii. 26. This was an useful word to me in my vagrant ftate, fupported my heart often, and kept me from tranfgrefling for a piece of bread. My itching defires he would not grant; but by this he hath tried me how I would deny myself, and what I would make of my own inclinations. Bleffed be my God that has helped me to trample on them, and made me content with my lot. It is the Lord's way with me, to shake me out of myself, and to make me renounce my own wisdom, or rather folly. When I came home from Kennet, I little thought of paffing trials here, yet I behoved to do it. When I had done it, I had no will to ftay; yet the Lord would. Afterwards, when I left the country, I had ill will to leave it, but God had faid it. When I was in Stirling prefbytery, I would have gladly ftaid there; but the Lord would not. When I came home, I had no good will to this bufinefs; but God had faid it, and it behoved to be done. When my head was away, he put his bridle in my mouth, and turned me an gain. How unfearchable are his judgements, and his

ways paft finding out!" And now I have undertaken this work, in confidence of fupport by the everlasting arms. My itching defires after a fettlement have been, and are grievous to me now: but the Lord is my God, who blotteth out mine iniquities as a thick cloud. To his name be glory in the highest for ever. Amen, yea and Amen.

And thus I have followed the course of this affair, in order narrating the several steps thereof, however minute fome of them may appear; and that because it iffued in what was to me one of the weightieft matters of my life; namely, my ordination to the office of the ministry, and first fitting down in the world. And the reflecting on the clear divine conduct, in pointing out unto me, and carrying me to, these appointed bounds of my habitation, is like a rock of comfort to me unto this day; as it obliged me to look well about me for the like difcovery of the Lord's mind, before I moved my foot again.

PERIOD VII.

From my ordination, to my marriage.

Returned to Dunse that night. In prayer I had much confidence in God. I found my heart well content with my lot; and the fenfe of God's calling me to that work, with the promise of his prefence: O it fatisfies my foul, and my very heart bleffeth him for it; for really it is the doing of the Lord, and wondrous in my eyes. I have a profpect of comfort and fuccefs in my labours among that people, and my foul rejoiceth in the Lord. He hath enlarged my heart, I will run the way of his commandments. O! my heart is almoft fond on God's good dealing with me. By the mercy of my God, I was not difappointed in my profpect. I clofed that night with finging Pfal. xvi. 5. "God is of mine inheritance and cup "the portion," &c. to the end, and prayer.

From this time more than two months paffed ere I took up my fettled abode at Simprin: during which time, my ordinary refidence being at Dunfe, as before, I applied myself to my work, as I had opportunity.

Sept. 22. It was long ere I got a text for the Sabbath. When I got it, my ftudies went flowly on. On the mor➡ row alfo my thoughts were very confused, and it went very ill away with me. I comforted myfelf with the example of Jacob's going at God's command, on his return to his own country, and yet the Lord met him as an enemy: fo it went fome better with me. Yet while I ftudied that fermon, my foul was folidly affected with the weight of the work of the ministry. I meditated on the forenoon-fermon with more fatisfaction

fatisfaction than I ftudied it. I had defired the people of Simprin to fend a horfe for me; but it was fo long acoming, that I defpaired of its coming at all. This was a piece of exercise to me; for I thought it strange to be thus treated at the very firft: so I began to lay my account with trouble, and to be concerned for the falvation of the people, though I fhould meet with difcouragements from them. The horse came, and it was not their fault that it came not fooner. I was bettered by the difpenfation. After ftudying of the preliminary fermons, as above, on Heb. xiii. 17. "For they watch for your fouls, as they "that must give account," I went to God by prayer his countenance, and for direction toward fuch things as might be most profitable for that people; and found my foul much strengthened in confidence of the Lord's owning me, by means of that word, "Go- and lo I am with " you alway, even to the end of the world." And I was then determined to begin with the book of Pfalms for lecture; and for the exercife on the Sabbath-evenings, to explain a queftion of the catechifm.

for

Sept. 24. Having allotted the morning entirely for prayer and meditation, fome worldly thoughts crept in ; yea on a fudden my heart made a contrivance for staying in Simprin, which perhaps it would not eafily have fallen on, if I had thought on the bufinefs feafonably. But I thought I bought it at the rate of the lofs of that livelinefs I expected. In the afternoon I fomewhat recovered my forenoon's lofs. At night, I had an exercise on the firft queftion of the catechifm, with fome good frame of fpirit: and on the morrow after I vifited the people, exhorted to fecret prayer, and family-worship; and found in all eighty-eight examinable perfons. On the Tuesday, returning to Dunfe, I received a letter from Mr Murray, inviting me to the weft, and fhewing great encouragement: but God had now fhewed me the appointed bounds of my habitation.

Sept. 28. I never found that word, "Go- and lo I am "with you alway," &c. fo ftrengthening to my foul, as fince I was a minifter.

Having that week, upon weighing of my circumftances, laid down a refolution to delay my marriage till the fpring 1701, I was brought into a grievous ftrait on the Friday's night: finding, that I behoved either to expede it fooner, or not at all. This fent me to God once and a