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Enter Sir TоBY BELCH and MARIA.
Sir To. Jove bless thee, master parson. Clo. Bonos dies, sir Toby. for as the old hermit of Prague, that never saw pen and ink, very wittily said to a niece of king Gorboduc, That, that is, is: so I, being master parson, am master parson: For what is that, but that? and is, but is?
Sir To. To him, sir Topas.
Clo. What, hoa, I say,- Peace in this prison! Sir To. The knave counterfeits well; a good knave.
Mal. [in an inner chamber.] Who calls there? Clo. Sir Topas, the curate, who comes to visit Malvolio the lunatick.
Mal. Sir Topas, sir Topas, good sir Topas, go to my lady.
Clo. Out, hyperbolical fiend! how vexest thou this man? talkest thou nothing but of ladies?
Sir To. Well said, master parson.
Mal. Sir Topas, never was man thus wronged: good sir Topas, do not think I am mad; they have laid me here in hideous darkness.
Clo. Fye, thou dishonest Sathan! I call thee by the most modest terms; for I am one of those gentle ones, that will use the devil himself with courtesy: Say'st thou, that house is dark?
Mal. As hell, sir Topas.
Clo. Why, it hath bay-windows, transparent as barricadoes, and the clear stories towards the southnorth are as lustrous as ebony; and yet complainest thou of obstruction?
Mal. I am not mad, sir Topas; I say to you, this house is dark.
Clo. Madman, thou errest: I say, there is no darkness, but ignorance; in which thou art more puzzled, than the Egyptians in their fog.
Mal. I say, this house is as dark as ignorance, though ignorance were as dark as hell; and there was never man thus abused: I am no more mad than your are; make the trial of it in any constant question.
Clo. What is the opinion of Pythagoras, concerning wild-fowl?
Mal. That the soul of our grandam might haply inhabit a bird.
Clo. What thinkest thou of his opinion? Mal. I think nobly of the soul, and no way approve his opinion.
Clo. Fare thee well: Remain thou still in darkness: thou shalt hold the opinion of Pythagoras, ere I will allow of thy wits; and fear to kill a woodcock, lest thou dispossess the soul of thy grandam. Fare thee well.
Mal. Sir Topas, sir Topas,
Sir To. My most exquisite sir Topas!
Mar. Thou might'st have done this without thy beard, and gown; he sees thee not.
Sir To. To him in thine own voice, and bring me word how thou findest him: I would, we were well rid of this knavery. If he may be conveniently delivered, I would he were; for I am now so far in offence with my niece, that I cannot pursue with any safety this sport to the upshot. Come by and by to my chamber. [Exeunt Sir TOBY and MARIA. Clo. Hey Robin, jolly Robin,
Tell me how thy lady does.
Clo. Alas, sir, be patient. What say you, sir? 1 am shent for speaking to you.
Mal. Good fool, help me to some light, and some paper; I tell thee, I am as well in my wits as any man in Illyria.
Clo. Well-a-day, that you were, sir! Mal. By this hand, I am: Good fool, some ink, paper, and light, and convey what I will set down to my lady; it shall advantage thee more than ever the bearing of letter did.
Clo. I will help you to't. But tell me true, a you not mad indeed? or do you but counterfeit ? Mal. Believe me, I am not; I tell thee true.
Clo. Nay, I'll ne'er believe a madman, till I see his brains. I will fetch you light, and paper, and ink. Mal. Fool, I'll requite it in the highest degree: I pr'ythee, be gone.
Seb. This is the air; that is the glorious sun, This pearl she gave me, I do feel't, and see't: And though 'tis wonder that enwraps me thus, Yet 'tis not madness. Where's Antonio then? I could not find him at the Elephant : Yet there he was; and there I found this credi:, Singing. That he did rage the town to seek me out. His counsel now might do me golden service: For though my soul disputes well with my sense,
That this may be some error, but no madness,
2. Blame not this haste of mine: If you mean well,
Now go with me, and with this holy man,
That they may fairly note this act of mine!
Clo. Do not desire to see this letter.
Fab. That is, to give a dog, and, in recompense, desire my dog again.
Enter DUKE, VIOLA, and Attendants. Duke. Belong you to the lady Olivia, friends? Clo. Ay, sir; we are some of her trappings. Duke. I know thee well; How dost thou, my good fellow?
Clo. Truly, sir, the better for my foes, and the worse for my friends.
Duke. Just the contrary; the better for thy friends.
Clo. Marry, sir, they praise me, and make an ass of me; now my foes tell me plainly I am an ass: so that by my foes, sir, I profit in the knowledge of myself; and by my friends I am abused: so that, conclusions to be as kisses, if your four negatives make your two affirmatives, why, then the worse for my friends, and the better for my foes.
Duke. Why, this is excellent.
Clo. By my troth, sir, no; though it please you to be one of my friends.
Duke. Thou shalt not be the worse for me; there's gold.
come again. I go, sir; but I would not have you to think, that my desire of having is the sin of covetousness: but, as you say, sir, let your bounty take a nap, I will awake it anon. [Exit Clown.
Enter ANTONIO and Officers.
Vio. Here comes the man, sir, that did rescue me. Duke. That face of his I do remember well; Yet, when I saw it last, it was besmear'd As black as Vulcan, in the smoke of war: A bawbling vessel was he captain of, For shallow draught, and bulk, unprizable; With which such scathful grapple did he make With the most noble bottom of our fleet, That very envy, and the tongue of loss, Cry'd fame and honour on him. What's the matter?
1 Off. Orsino, this is that Antonio, That took the Phoenix, and her fraught, from Candy; And this is he, that did the Tiger board, When your young nephew Titus lost his leg : Here in the streets, desperate of shame, and state, In private brabble did we apprehend him.
Vio. He did me kindness, sir; drew on my side; But, in conclusion, put strange speech upon me, I know not what 'twas, but distraction.
Duke. Notable pirate! thou salt-water thief! What foolish boldness brought thee to their merries, Whom thou, in terms so bloody, and so dear, Hast made thine enemies? Ant.
Orsino, noble sir, Be pleas'd that I shake off these names you give me. Antonio never yet was thief, or pirate,
Clo. But that it would be double-dealing, sir, I Though, I confess, on base and ground enough, would you could make it another. Duke. O, you give me ill counsel.
Clo. Put your grace in your pocket, sir, for this From the rude sea's enrag'd and foamy mouth
once, and let your flesh and blood obey it.
Duke. Well, I will be so much a sinner to be a double dealer; there's another.
Clo. Primo, secundo, tertio, is a good play; and the old saying is, the third pays for all: the triplex, sir, is a good tripping measure; or the bells of St. Bennet, sir, may put you in mind; One, two, three. Duke. You can fool no more money out of me at this throw: if you will let your lady know, I am here to speak with her, and bring her along with you, it may awake my bounty further.
C. Marry, sir, lullaby to your bounty, till I
Did I redeem; a wreck past hope he was: .
Duke. When came he to this town?
Ant. To-day, my lord; and for three months before,
(No interim, not a minute's vacancy,) Both day and night did we keep company.
Enter OLIVIA and Attendants.
Duke. Here comes the countess; now heaven walks on earth.
But for thee, fellow, fellow, thy words are madness: Three months this youth hath tended upon me; But more of that anon. -—————— Take him aside.
Oli. What would my lord, but that he may not have,
Wherein Olivia may seem serviceable?
Cesario, you do not keep promise with me.
Duke. Gracious Olivia,
Oli. What do you say, Cesario?
Oli. Still so constant, lord. Duke. What! to perverseness? you uncivil lady, To whose ingrate and unauspicious altars My soul the faithfull'st offerings hath breath'd out, That e'er devotion tender'd! What shall I do?
Oli. Even what it please my lord, that shall become him.
Duke. Why should I not, had I the heart to do it,
That screws me from my true place in your favour,
I'll sacrifice the lamb that I do love,
Oli. Ah me, detested! how am I beguil'd! Vio. Who does beguile you? who does do you wrong?
Oli. Hast thou forgot thyself? Is it so long? Call forth the holy father. [Exit an Attendant. Duke. Come away. [TO VIOLA. Oli. Whither, my lord? Cesario, husband, stay. Duke. Husband?
Ay, husband, can he that deny? Duke. Her husband, sirrah?
No, my lord, not I.
Vio. Oli. Alas, it is the baseness of thy fear, That makes thee strangle thy propriety : Fear not Cesario, take thy fortunes up;
Be that thou know'st thou art, and then thou art
Father, I charge thee, by thy reverence,
Priest. A contract of eternal bond of love,
Strengthen'd by interchangement of your rings;
Seal'd in my function, by my testimony:
Since when, my watch hath told me, toward my grave,
I have travelled but two hours.
Duke. O, thou dissembling cub! what wilt thou
You drew your sword upon me, without cause;
Sir And. If a bloody coxcomb be a hurt, you have hurt me; I think, you set nothing by a bloody coxcomb.
Enter Sir TOBY BELCH, drunk, led by the Clown. Here comes Sir Toby halting, you shall hear more: but if he had not been in drink, he would have tickled you othergates than he did.
Duke. How now, gentleman? how is't with
Oli. Away with him: Who hath made this haock with them?
Sir And. I'll help you, sir Toby, because we'll be dressed together.
Sir To. Will you help an ass-head, and a coxcomb, and a knave? a thin-faced knave, a gull? Oli. Get him to bed, and let his hurt be look'd to. [Exeunt Clown, Sir Tosy, and Sir ANDREW. Enter SEBASTIAN.
Seb. I am sorry, madam, I have hurt your
But, had it been the brother of my blood,
Oli. Most wonderful!
Vio. My father had a mole upon his brow.
Vio. And died that day when Viola from her birth Had number'd thirteen years.
Seb. O, that record is lively in my soul!
He finished, indeed, his mortal act,
Where lie my maiden weeds; by whose gentle help
But nature to her bias drew in that.
You are betroth'd both to a maid and man.
Thou ever should'st love woman like to me.
Vio. And all those sayings will I over-swear;
Vio. The captain, that did bring me first on shore, Hath my maid's garments: he upon some action, Is now in durance; at Malvolio's suit,
A gentleman, and follower of my lady's.
Oli. He shall enlarge him: — Fetch Malvolio hither: :
And yet, alas, now I remember me,
Re-enter Clown, with a letter.
A most extracting frenzy of mine own
Clo. Truly, madam, he holds Belzebub at the stave's end, as well as a man in his case may do: he has here writ a letter to you, I should have given it you to-day morning; but as a madman's epistles are no gospels, so it skills not much, when they are delivered.
Oli. Open it, and read it.
Clo. No, madam, I do but read madness: an your ladyship will have it as it ought to be, you must allow vox.
Oli. Pr'ythee, read i'thy right wins.
Clo. So I do, madonna; but to read his right wits, is to read thus: therefore perpend, my princess, and give ear.
Oli. Read it you, sirrah.
[TO FABIAN. Fab. [reads.] By the Lord, madam, you wrong me, and the world shall know it: though you have put me into darkness, and given your drunken cousin rule over me, yet have I the benefit of my senses as well as your ladyship. I have your own letter that induced me to the semblance I put on ; with the which I doubt not but to do myself much right, or you much shame. Think of me as you please. ! leave my duty a little unthought of, and speak out of my injury. The madly-used Malvolio.
Oli. Did he write this?
Clo. Ay, madam.
Duke. This savours not much of distraction. Oli. See him delivered, Fabian; bring him hither. [Erit FABIAN.
My lord, so please you, these things further thought
To think me as well a sister as a wife,
Duke. Madam, I am most apt to embrace your offer.
Your master quits you; [To VIOLA.] and, for your service done him,
So much against the mettle of your sex,
Have I, Malvolio? no.
May rather pluck on laughter than revenge;
Oli. Alas, poor fool! how have they baffled thee! Clo. Why, some are born great, some achieve greatness, and some have greatness thrown upon them. I was one, sir, in this interlude; one sir Topas, sir; but that's all one: - By the Lord, fool, I am not mad; - But do you remember? Madam, why laugh you at such a barren rascal? an you smile not, he's gagg'd: And thus the whirligig of time brings
Mal. Lady, you have. Pray you, peruse that in his revenges.
You must not now deny it is your hand,
Why you have given me such clear lights of favour;
Oli. Alas, Malvolio, this is not my writing,
First told me, thou wast mad; then cam'st in
And in such forms which here were presuppos'd
This practice hath most shrewdly pass'd upon thee:
Of thine own cause.
Mal. I'll be revenged on the whole pack of you.
Oli. He hath been most notoriously abus'd.
Of our dear souls - Mean time, sweet sister,
Clo. When that I was and a little tiny boy,
But when I came to man's estate,
But when I came, alas! to wive,
With hey ho, the wind and the rain,