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SCENE I. - A Room in the Garter Inn. Vrs. Page. Fare you well, sir. [Ezit Camus. Enter Falstaff and Mrs. Quickly.
My inusband will not rejoice so much at the abuse
of Falstaff, as he will chafe at the doctor's manying Fal. Pr’ythee, no more prattling :-go.
my daughter : but 'tis no matter; better a little bold: This is the third time; I hope, good luck chiding, than a great deal of heart-break, lies in odd numbers. Away, go; they say, there is Mrs. Ford. Where is Nan now, and her troop of divinity in odd numbers, either in nativity, chance, fairies? and the Welch devil, Hugh ? or death. Away.
Mrs Page. They are all couched in a pit hard! Quick. I'll provide you a chain: and I'll do what by Herne's oak, with obscured lights; which, at I can to get you a pair of horns.
the very instant of Falstaff's and our meeting, they Fal. Away, I say; time wears : hold up your will at once display to the night. bead, and mince.
(Exit Mrs. QUICKLY. Mrs. Ford. That cannot choose but amaze him. Enter Ford.
Mrs. Page. If he be not arnazed, he will be
mocked; if he be amazed, he will every way be How now, master Brook? Master Brook, the mocked. matter will be known to-night, or never.
Mrs. Ford. We'll betray him finely. in the Park about midnight, at Herne's oak, and Mrs. Page. Against such lewdsters, and their you shall see wonders.
lechery, Ford. Went you not to her yesterday, sir, as you Those that betray them do no treachery. told me you had appointed ?
Mrs. Ford. The hour draws on ; To the oak, to Fal. I went to her, master Brook, as you see, the oak!
[Ereunt. like a poor old man: but I came from her, master Brook, like a poor old woman. That same knave,
SCENE IV. - Windsor Park. Ford her husband, hath the finest mad devil of jealousy in him, master Brook, that ever governed
Enter Sir Hugh Evans, and Fairies. frenzy. I will tell you. - He beat me grievously, Eva. Trib, trib, fairies ; come; and remember in the shape of a woman; for in the shape of man, your parts : be pold, I pray you ; follow me into master Brook, I fear not Goliath with a weaver's the pit ; and when I give the watch-'ords, do as I beam ; because I know also, life is a shuttle. I am pid you ; Come, come; trib, trib. (Ereunt. in haste ; go along with me; I'll tell you all, master Brook. Since I pluck'd geese, play'd truant, and SCENE V.
- Another part of the Park. whipp'd top, I knew not what it was to be beaten, till lately. Follow me: I'll tell you strange things
Enter Falstaff disguised, with a buck's head on. of this knave Ford : on whom to-night I will be re- Fal. The Windsor bell hath struck twelve; the venged, and I will deliver his wife into your hand. - minute draws on: Now, the hot-blooded gods assist Follow : Strange things in hand, master Brook! Remember, Jove, thou wast a bull for thy follow.
(Ereunt. Europa; love set on thy horns. O powerful love!
that, in some respects, makes a beast a man; in SCENE II.- Windsor Park.
some other, a man a beast. —You were also, Jupiter,
a swan, for the love of Leda : - 0, omnipotent Enter Page, SHALLow, and SLENDER.
love! how near the god drew to the complexion of Page. Corne, come; we'll couch i' the castle
a goose ? A fault done first in the form of a beast; ditch, till we see the light of our fairies. — Remem- - 0 Jove, a beastly fault! and then another fault ber, son Slender, my daughter.
in the semblance of a fowl ; think on't, Jove ; a Slen. Ay, forsooth ; I have spoke with her, and foul fault. When gods have hot backs, what shall we have a nay-word, how to know one another. poor men do? For me, I am here a Windsor'stag; I come to her in white, and cry, mum; she cries and the fattest, I think, i' the forest : Send me a budget; and by that we know one another.
cool rut-time, Jove, or who can blame me to piss Shal. That's good too: but what needs either my tallow? Who comes here? my doe? your mum, or her budget ? the white will decipher her well enough. - It hath struck ten o'clock.
Enter Mrs. Ford and Mrs. Page. Page. The night is dark; light and spirits will Mrs. Ford. Sir John ? art thou there, my deer? become it well. Heaven, prosper our sport! No my male deer? man means evil but the devil, and we shall know him Fal. My doe with the black scut?
Let the sky by his horns. Let's away; follow me. [Exeunt. rain potatoes ; let it thunder to the tune of Green
Sleeves ; hail kiscing-comfits, and snow eringoes ; SCENE III. - The Street in Windsor. let there come a tempest of provocation, I will
shelter me here.
[Embracing her. Enter Mrs. PAGE, Mrs. Ford, and Dr. Caius.
Mrs. Ford. Mistress Page is come with me, Mrs. Puge. Master Doctor, my daughter is in sweetheart. green: when you see your time, take her by the Fal. Divide me like a bribe-buck, each a haunch: hand, away with her to the deanery, and despatch I will keep my sides to myself, my shoulders for the it quickly: Go before into the park'; we two must fellow of this walk, and my horns I bequeath your go ingether.
husbands. Am I a woodman ? ha! Speak I like Cuius. I know vat I have to do; Adieu. Herne the hunter ? — Why, now is Cupid a child of
} Away, away.
coascience; he makes restitution. As I am a true Quick. With trial-fire touch me his finger-end spirit, welcome!
[Noise within. If he be chaste, the flame will back descend, Mrs. Page. Alas! what noise ?
And turn him to no pain ; but if he start, Urs. Ford. Heaven forgive our sins !
It is the fiesh of a corrupted heart. Fal. What should this be?
Pist. A trial, come. Mrs. Ford. 2
Come, will this wood take fire. Hrs. Page. S [They run off
[They burn him with their tapers. Fal. I think, the devil will not have me damned, Fol. Oh, oh, oh! jest the oil that is in me should set hell on fire; he Quick. Corrupt, corrupt, and tainted in desire! would never else cross me thus.
About him, fairies; sing a scornful rhyme; Enter Sir Hugh Evans, like a satyr ; Mrs. Quickly, And, as you trip, still pinch him to your time. and Pistol ; Anne Page, as the Fairy Queen, and iniquity.
Eva. It is right; indeed he is full of lecheries attended by her brother and others, dressed like fairies, with waren tapers on their heads.
SONG. Quick. Fairies, black, grey, green, and white,
Fye on sinful fantasy! You moon-shine revellers, and shades of night,
Fye on lust and luxury! You orphan-heirs of fixed destiny,
Lust is but a bloody fire, Attend your office, and your quality.
Kindled with unchaste desire, Crier Hobgoblin, make the fairy o-yes.
Fed in heart; whose flames aspire, Pist. Elves, list your names; silence, you airy
As thoughts do blow them, higher and higher. toys.
Pinch him, fairies, mutually ; Cricket, to Windsor chimnies shalt thou leap :
Pinch him for his villainy ; Where fires thou find'st unrak'd, and hearths un- Pinch him, and burn him, and turn him about, swept,
Till candles, and star-light, and moon-shine be oul. There pinch the maids as blue as bilberry:
During this song, the fairies pinch Falstaff. Doctor Our radiant queen hates sluts and sluttery.
Caius comes one way, and steals away a fairy in Fal. They are fairies; he, that speaks to them, green ; Slender another way, and takes off a fairy shall die :
in white ; and Fenton comes, and steals away Mrs. I'll wink and couch : no man their works must eye. Anne Page. A noise of hunting is made within. [Lies down upon his face. All the fairies run away.
Falstaff pulls off his Eva. Where's Pede? - Go you, and where you buck's head, and rises.
find a maid, That, ere she sleep, has thrice her prayers said,
Enter Page, Ford, Mrs. Page, and Mrs. FORD. Raise up the organs of her fantasy,
They lay hold on him. Sleep she as sound as careless infancy;
Page. Nay, do not fly; I think, we have watch'd But those as sleep, and think not on their sins,
you now: Pinch them, arms, legs, backs, shoulders, sides, and will none but Herne the hunter serve your turn' shins.
Mrs. Page. I pray you, come ; hold up the jest Quick. About, about;
no higher: Search Windsor-castle, elves, within and out : Now, good sir John, how like you Windsor wives? Strew good luck, ouphes, on every sacred room ; See you these, husband ? do not these fair yokes That it may stand till the perpetual doom,
Become the forest better than the town? In state as wholesome, as in state 'tis fit;
Ford. Now, sir, who's a cuckold now ? - - Master Worthy the owner, and the owner it.
Brook, Falstaff's a knave, a cuckoldly knave; here The several chairs of order look you scour
are his horns, master Brook: And, master Brook, With juice of balm, and every precious flower : he hath enjoyed nothing of Ford's but his buckEach fair instalment, coat, and several crest, basket, his cudgel, and twenty pounds of money ; With loyal blazon, evermore be blest !
which must be paid to master Brook ; his horses And nightly, meadow-fairies, look, you sing, are arrested for it, master Brook. Like to the Garter's compass, in a ring :
Mrs. Ford. Sir John, we have had ill luck; wc The expressure that it bears, green let it be,
could never meet. I will never take you for my More fertile-fresh than all the field to see;
love again, but I will always count you my deer. And, Hony soit qui mal y pense, write,
Fal. I do begin to perceive that I am made an in emerald tufts, flowers purple, blue, and white : Like sapphire, pearl, and rich embroidery,
Ford. Ay, and an ox too; both the proofs are Buckled below fair knight-hood's bending knee : extant. Fairies use flowers for their charactery.
Fal. And these are not fairies? I was three or Away; disperse: But, till 'tis one o'clock, four times in the thought, they were not fairies : and Our dance of custom, round about the oak
yet the guiltiness of my mind, the sudden surprize Of Herne the hunter, let us not forget.
of my powers, drove the grossness of the foppery Eva. Pray you, lock hand in hand; yourselves into a received belief, in despite of the teeth of all in order set:
rhyme and reason, that they were fairies. See now, And twenty glow-worms shall our lanterns be, how wit may be made a Jack-a-lent, when 'tis upon To guide our measure round about the tree. ill employment. But, stay: I smell a man of middle earth.
Eva. Sir John Falstaff, serve Got, and leave your Fal. Heavens defend me from that Welch fairy ! desires, and fairies will not pinse you. lest he transform me to a piece of cheese !
Ford. Well said, fairy Hugh. Pist. Vile worm, thou wast o'erlook'd even in Eva. And leave you your jealousies too, I pray thy birth.
is all putter.
Ford. I will nerer mistrust my wife again, till Page. Why, this is your cwn folly. Did not I hou art able to woo her in good English.
tell you, how you should know my daughter by her Fal. Have I laid my brain in the sun, and dried garments ? it, that it wants matter to prevent so gross o'er- Slen. I went to her in white, and cry'd mum, reaching as this ? Am I ridden with a Welch goat and she cry'd budget, as Anne and I had appointed; too? Shall I have a coxcomb of frize? 'Tis time I and yet it was not Anne, but a post-master's boy. were choked with a piece of toasted cheese.
Eva. Jeshu ! Master Slender, canno! Tou sue hut Eva. Seese is not good to give putter; your pelly marry boys ?
Page. O, I am vexed at heart: What shala lao? Fal. Seese and putter! have I lived to stand at Mrs. Page. Good George, be not angry: I knew the taunt of one that makes fritters of English? of your purpose ; turned my daughter into green; This is enough to be the decay of lust and dance and, indeed, she is now with the doctor at the walking, through the realm.
deanery, and there married. Mrs. Page. Why, sir John, do you think, though We would have thrust virtue out of our hearts by the
Enter Caius. head and shoulders, and have given ourselves without scruple to hell, that ever the devil could have cozened; I ha' married un garçon, a boy ; un pai
Caius. Vere is mistress Page? By gar, I am made you our delight? Ford. What, a hodge-pudding ? a bag of flax?
san, by gar, a boy; it is not Anne Page : by gar, I
am cozened. Mrs. Page. A puffed man? Page. Old, cold, withered, and of intolerable
Mrs. Page. Why, did you take her in green? entrails ?
Caius. Ay, be gar, and 'tis a boy: be gar, I'll
raise all Windsor. Ford. And one that is as slanderous as Satan?
[Erit Caius. Page. And as poor as Job?
Ford. This is strange : Who hath got the right
Page. My heart misgives me : Here comes mas
ter Fenton. and sack, and wine, and metheglins, and to drinkings, and swearings, and starings, pribbles and
Enter Fenton and ANNE PAGE. prabbles ?
Fal. Well, I am your theme: you have the start How now, master Fenton ? of me; I am dejected; I am not able to answer Anne. Pardon, good father ! good my mother, the Welch flannel : ignorance itself is a plummet
pardon! o'er me; use me as you will.
Page. Now, mistress ? how chance you went not Ford. Marry, sir, we'll bring you to Windsor, to with master Slender ? one master Brook, that you have cozened of money, Mrs. Page. Why went you not with master docto whom you should have been a pander : over and
tor, maid ? above that you have suffered, I think, to repay that Fent. You do amaze her: Hear the truth of it. money will be a biting affliction.
You would have married her most shamefully, Mrs. Ford. Nay, husband, let that go to make Where there was no proportion held in love. amends :
The truth is, she and I, long since contracted Forgive that sum, and so we'll all be friends. Are now so sure, that nothing can dissolve us. Ford. Well, here's my hand; all's forgiven at The offence is holy, that she hath committed: last.
And this deceit loses the name of craft, Page. Yet be cheerful, knight : thou shalt eat a Of disobedience, or unduteous title ; posset to-night at my house ; where I will desire Since therein she doth evitate and shun thee to laugh at my wife, that now laughs at thee : A thousand irreligious cursed hours, Tell her, master Slender hath married her daughter. Which forced marriage would have brought upon Mrs. Page. Doctors doubt that : if Anne Page
her. be my daughter, she is, by this, doctor Caius' wife. Ford. Stand not amaz'd: here is no remedy:
(Aside. | In love, the heavens themselves do guide the state ; Enter SLENDER.
Money buys lands, and wives are sold by fate.
Fal. I am glad, though you have ta'en a special Slen. Whoo, ho! ho! father Page !
stand to strike at me, that your arrow hath glanced. Page. Son ! how now ? how now, son? have you Page. Well, what remedy ? Fenton, heaven give despatched ?
thee joy! Slen. Despatched ! I'll make the best in Glo- What cannot be eschew'd, must be embrac'd. cestershire know on't; would I were hanged, la, else. Fal. When night-dogs run, all sorts of deer are Page. Of what, son ?
chas'd. Slen. I came yonder at Eton to marry mistress Eva. I will dance and eat plums at your wedding. Anne Page, and she's a great lubberly boy ; If it Mrs. Page. Well, I will muse no further : had not been i’ the church, I would have swinged
Master Fenton, him, or he should have swinged me. If I did not Heaven give you many, many merry days ! think it had been Anne Page, would I might never Good husband, let us every one go home, stir, and ’tis a post-master's boy.
And laugh this sport o'er by a country fire; Page. Upon my life then you took the wrong. Sir John and all.
Slen. What need you tell me that? I think so, Ford. Let it be so: - Sir John, when I took a boy for a girl : If I had been mar- To master Brook you yet shall hold your word; ried to him, for all he was in woman's apparel, I For he, to-night, shall lie with mistress Ford. would not have had him.
WHAT YOU WILL.
Oksino, Duke of Illyria.
servants to Olivia SEBASTIAN, a young gentleman, brother to Viola. Clown, VANTONIO, a sea captain, friend to Sebastian. 4 sea captain, friend to Viola.
Olivia, a rich Countess. WALENTINE,
Viola, in love with the Duke.
MARIA, Olivia's woman.
Lords, Priests, Sailors, Officers, Musicians, and Malvolio, steward to Olivia.
other Attendants. SCENE, - A City in ILLYRIA ; and the Sen-coast near it.
SCENE I. - An Apartment in the Duke's Palace.
Duke. If musick be the food of love, play on,
Cur. Will you go hunt, my lord ?
What, Curio ?
Duke. O, she, that hath a heart of that fine frame,
SCENE II.-- The Sea-coast.
Enter Viola, Captain, and Sailors.
enerny io liic.
My brother he is in Elysium.
SCENE III, - A Room in Olivia's House. Perchance, he is not drown'd:
What think you, sailors?
Enter Sir Toby Belch, and Maria. Cap. It is perchance, that you yourself were saved. Sir To. What a plague means my niece, to take Vio. O my poor brother! ard s', porc'arco, may
the death of her brother thus? I am sure, care's an he be. Cap. True, madam: and, w comfort you with Mar. By my trou, sır Toby, you must come in chance,
earlier o'nights ; your cousin, my lady, takes great Assure yourself, after our ship did split,
exceptions to your ill hours. When you, and that poor number saved with you, Sir To. Why, let her except before excepted. Hung on our driving boat, I saw your brother, Mar. Ay, but you must confine yourself within Most provident in peril, bind himself
the modest limits of order. (Courage and hope both teaching him the practice) Sir To. Confine? I'll confine myself no finer To a strong mast, that lived upon the sea ;
than I am : these clothes are good enough to drink Where, like Arion on the dolphin's back,
in, and so be these boots too ; an they be not, let I saw him hold acquaintance with the waves,
them hang themselves in their own straps. So long as I could see.
Mar. That quaffing and drinking will undo you: Vio
For saying so, there's gold : I heard my lady talk of it yesterday; and of a foolish Mine own escape unfoldeth to my hope,
knight, that you brought in one night here, to be Whereto thy speech serves for authority,
her wooer. The like of him. Know'st thou this country?
Sir To. Who ? Sir Andrew Ague-cheek? Cap. Ay, madam, well; for I was bred and Mar. Ay, he. born,
Sir To. He's as tall a man as any's in Illyria. Not three hours' travel from this very place.
Mar. What's that to the purpose ? Vio. Who governs here?
Sir To. Why, he has three thousand ducats a year. Cap.
A noble duke, in nature, Mar. Ay, but he'll have but a year in all these As in his name.
ducats ; he's a very fool, and a prodigal. Vio What is his name?
Sir To. Fye, that you'll say so! he plays o' the Сар.
Orsino. viol-de-gambo, and speaks three or four languages Vin. Orsino! I have heard my father name him : word for word without book, and hath all the good He as a bachelor then.
gifts of nature. Cap. And so is now,
Mar. He hath, indeed, almost natural : for, Or was so very late : for but a month
besides that he's a fool, he's a great quarreller; and, Ago I went from hence; and then 'twas fresh but that he hath the gift of a coward to allay the In murmur, (as, you know, what great ones do, gust he hath in quarrelling, 'tis thought among the The less will prattle of,) that he did seek
prudent, he would quickly have the gift of a grave. The love of fair Olivia.
Sir To. By this hand, they are scoundrels, and What's she?
substractors, that say so of him. Who are they? Cap. A virtuous maid, the daughter of a count Mar. They that add moreover, he's drunk nightly That died some twelvemonth since; then leaving in your company. her
Sir To. With drinking healths to my niece; I'll In the protection of his son, her brother,
drink to her, as long as there is a passage
in Who shortly also died : for whose dear love, throat, and drink in Illyria : He's a coward, and a They say, she hath abjur'd the company
coystril, that will not drink to my niece, till his And sight of men.
brains turn o' the toe like a parish-top. What, Vio
0, that I served that lady: wench? Castiliano-vulgo; for here comes Sir AnAnd might not be delivered to the world,
drew Ague-face. Till I had made mine own occasion mellow,
Enter Sir ANDREW AGUE-CHEEK.
That were hard to compass; Sir A. Sir Toby Belch! how now, sir Toby Belch? Because she will admit no kind of suit,
Sir To. Sweet sir Andrew ?
Sir And. Bless you, fair shrew.
Sir To. Accost, sir Andrew, accost.
Sir And. What's that? I will believe, thou hast a mind that suits
Sir To. My niece's chamber-maid. With this thy fair and outward character.
Sir And. Good mistress Accost, I desire better I pray thee, and I'll pay thee bounteously,
acquaintance. Conceal me what I am; and be my aid
Mar. My name is Mary, sir. for such disguise as, haply, shall become
Sir And. Good mistress Mary Accost, The form of my intent. I'll serve this duke;
Sir To. You mistake, knight: accost, is, front her, Thou shalt present me as an eunuch to him, board lier, woo her, assail her. It may be worth thy pains; for I can sing,
Sir And. By my troth, I would not undertake her sind speak to him in many sorts of musick,
in this company.
Is that the meaning of accost? That will allow me very worth his service.
Mar. Fare you well, gentlemen. What else may hap, to time I will commit;
Sir 7o. An thou let part so, sir Andrew, 'would Only shape thou thy silence to my wit.
thou might'st never draw sword again. Cap. Be you his euruch, and your mute I'll be ; Sir And. An you part so, mistress, I would I When my tongue olabs, then let mine eyes pot see might never draw sword again. Fair lady, do you
Vin, I thank thee: Lead me 0:2. [Wicunt. think you have fools in hand ?