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Will. Genitive, - horum, harum, horum. Quick. 'Vengeance of Jenny's case! fie on her! never name her, child, if she be a whore.
Eva. For shame, 'oman.
Quick. You do ill to teach the child such words: he teaches him to hick and to hack, which they'll do fast enough of themselves, and to call horum:fie upon you!
Eva. 'Oman, art thou lunatics? hast thou no understandings for thy cases, and the numbers of the genders? Thou art as foolish christian cre1tures as I would desires.
Mrs. Page. Pr'ythee, hold thy peace.
Eva. Shew me now, William, 'some declensions of your pronouns.
Will. Forsooth, I have forgot.
Eva. It is ki, kæ, cod; if you forget your kies, your kas, and your cods, you must be preeches. Go your ways, and play, go.
Mrs. Page. He is a better scholar than I thought he was.
Eva. He is a good sprag memory.
Get you home, boy.
Mrs. Page. Adieu, good sir Hugh. [Exit Sir Come, we stay [Exeunt.
HUGH. too long.
Eva. No, it is lapis; I pray you remember in what hoa!
He's a birding, sweet sir John. [Within.] What hoa, gossip Ford
Mrs. Ford. Step into the chamber, sir John. [Exit FALSTAFF.
Enter Mrs. PAGE.
Mrs. Page. How now, sweetheart? who's at home beside yourself?
Mrs. Ford. Why, none but mine own people.
Mrs. Ford. No, certainly; - Speak louder. [Aside. Mrs. Page. Truly, I am so glad you have no body here.
Mrs. Ford. Why?
Mrs. Page. Why, woman, your husband is in his old lunes again he so takes on yonder with my husband; so rails against all married mankind; so curses all Eve's daughters, of what complexion soever; and so buffets himself on the forehead, crying Peer-out, peer-out! that any madness, I ever yet beheld, seemed but tameness, civility, and patience, to this his distemper he is in now: I am glad the fat knight is not here.
Mrs. Ford. Why, does he talk of him?
Mrs. Page. Of none but him; and swears, he was carried out, the last time he searched for him
Mrs. Page. If you go out in your own semblance, you die, sir John. Unless you go out disguised, Mrs. Ford. How might we disguise him? Mrs. Page. Alas the day, I know not. There is no woman's gown big enough for him; otherwise, he might put on a hat, a muffler, and a kerchief, and so escape.
Fal. Good hearts, devise something: any extremity, rather than a mischief.
Mrs. Ford. My maid's aunt, the fat woman of Brentford, has a gown above.
Mrs. Page. On my word, it will serve him; she's as big as he is: and there's her thrum'd hat, and her muffler too: Run up, sir John.
Mrs. Ford. Go, go, sweet sir John: mistress Page and I, will look some linen for your head. Mrs. Page. Quick, quick; we'll come dress you straight: put on the gown the while.
Mrs. Ford. I would, my husband would meet him in this shape: he cannot abide the old woman of Brentford; he swears, she's a witch; forbade her my house, and hath threatened to beat her.
Mrs. Page. Heaven guide him to thy husband's cudgel; and the devil guide his cudgel afterwards! Mrs. Ford. But is my husband coming?
Mrs. Page. Ay, in good sadness, is he; and he talks of the basket too, howsoever he hath had intelligence.
Mrs. Ford. We'll try that; for I'll appoint my men to carry the basket again, to meet him at the door with it, as they did last time.
Mrs. Page. Nay, but he'll be here presently: let's go dress him like the witch of Brentford.
Mrs. Ford. I'll first direct my men, what they
shall do with the basket. for him straight.
Go up, I'll bring linen [Erit.
Mrs. Page. Hang him, dishonest varlet! we cannot misuse him enough.
We'll leave a proof, by that which we will do,
Re-enter Mrs. FORD, with two Servants. Mrs. Ford. Go, sirs, take the basket again on your shoulders; your master is hard at door; if e bid you set it down, obey him: quickly, despatch. [Ext.
1 Serv. Come, come, take it up.
2 Serv. Pray heaven, it be not full of the knight again.
1 Serv. I hope not; I had as lief bear so much lead.
Erter FoR. PAGE, SHALLOW, CAIUS, and Sir HUGH EVANS.
Ford. Ay, but if it prove true, master Page, Set have you any way then to unfool me again? down the basket, villain : — Somebody call my wife:
You, youth in a basket, come out here! - O, you panderly rascals! there's a knot, a ging, a pack, a conspiracy against me: Now shall the devil be shamed. What! wife, I say! come, come forth; behold what honest clothes you send forth to bleaching.
Page. Why, this passes! Master Ford, you are not to go loose any longer; you must be pinioned. Eva. Why, this is lunatics! this is mad as a mad dog!
Shal. Indeed, master Ford, this is not well; indeed.
Ford. So say I too, sir. Come hither, mistress Ford; mistress Ford, the honest woman, the modest wife, the virtuous creature, that hath the jealous fool to her husband! I suspect without cause, mistress, do I?
Mrs. Ford. Heaven be my witness, you do, if you suspect me in any dishonesty.
Ford. Well said, brazen-face; hold it out. Come forth, sirrah.
[Pulls the clothes out of the basket. Page. This passes! Mrs. Ford. Are you not ashamed? let the clothes alone.
Ford. I shall find you anon.
Eva. 'Tis unreasonable! Will you take up your wife's clothes? Come away.
Ford. Empty the basket, I say.
Ford. Master Page, as I am a man, there was one conveyed out of my house yesterday in this basket: Why may not he be there again? In my house I am sure he is my intelligence is true; my jealousy is reasonable: Pluck me out all the linen.
Mrs. Ford. If you find a man there, he shall die a flea's death.
Page. Here's no man.
Shal. By my fidelity, this is not well, master Ford; this wrongs you.
Eva. Master Ford, you must pray, and not follow the imaginations of your own heart: this is jealousies.
Ford. Well, he's not here I seek for. Page. No, nor no where else, but in your brain. Ford. Help to search my house this one time: if I find not what I seek, show no colour for my extremity, let me for ever be your table-sport; let them say of me, As jealous as Ford, that searched a hollow walnut for his wife's leman. Satisfy me once more; once more search with me. Mrs. Ford. What hoa, mistress Page! come you, and the old woman, down; my husband will come into the chamber.
Ford. Old woman! What old woman's that? Mrs. Ford. Why, it is my maid's aunt of Brentford.
Ford. A witch, a quean, an old cozening quean! Have I not forbid her my house? She comes of errands, does she? We are simple men; we do not know what's brought to pass under the profession of fortune-telling. She works by charms, by spells, by the figure, and such daubery as this is; beyond our element: we know nothing. Come down, you witch, you hag you; come down I say. Mrs. Ford. Nay, good, sweet husband;-good gentlemen, let him not strike the old woman. Enter FALSTAFF in women's clothes, led by Mrs. PAGE. Mrs. Page. Come, mother Prat, come, give me your hand. Ford. I'll prat her: Out of my door, you witch, [beats him.] you rag, you baggage, you polecat, you ronyon! out! out! I'll conjure you, I'll fortune-tell you. [Exit FALSTAFF.
Mrs. Page. Are you not ashamed? I think, you bave killed the poor woman.
Mrs. Ford. Nay, he will do it :-'Tis a goodly credit for you.
Ford. Hang her, witch'
Eva. By yea and no, I think, the 'oman is a witch indeed: I like not when a 'oman has a great peard; I spy a great peard under her muffler.
Ford. Will you follow, gentlemen? I beseech you, follow; see but the issue of my jealousy: if I cry out thus upon no trail, never trust me when I open -gain.
Page. Let's obey his humour a little further: Come, gentlemen.
[Exeunt PAGE, FORD, SHALLOW, and EVANS. Mrs. Page. Trust me, he beat him most pitifully. Mrs. Ford. Nay, by the mass, that he did not; be beat him most unpitifully, methought.
Mrs. Page. I'll have the cudgel hallowed, and hung o'er the altar; it hath done meritorious service.
Mrs. Ford. What think you? May we, with the warrant of womanhood, and the witness of a good conscience, pursue him with any further revenge?
Mrs. Page. The spirit of wantonness is, sure, scared out of him; if the devil have him not in feesimple, with fine and recovery, he will never, I think, in the way of waste, attempt us again.
Mrs. Ford. Shall we tell our husbands how we have served him?
Mrs. Page. Come, to the forge with it then, shape it: I would not have things cool. [Exeunt.
A Room in the Garter Inn.
Enter Host and BARDOLPH.
Bard. Sir, the Germans desire to have three of your horses: the duke himself will be to-morrow at court, and they are going to meet him.
Host. What duke should that be, comes so secretly? I hear not of him in the court: Let me speak with the gentlemen; they speak English? Bard. Ay, sir; I'll call them to you.
Host. They shall have my horses; but I'll make them pay, I'll sauce them: they have had my houses a week at command; I have turned away my other guests: they must come off; I'll sauce them: Come. [Exeunt.
SCENE IV.A Room in Ford's House.
Enter PAGE, FORD, Mrs. PAGE, Mrs. FORD, and Sir HUGH EVANS.
Eva. 'Tis one of the pest discretions of a 'oman as ever I did look upon.
Page. And did he send you both these letters at an instant?
Mrs. Page. Within a quarter of an hour. Ford. Pardon me, wife: Henceforth do what thou wilt;
I rather will suspect the sun with cold,
In him that was of late an heretick,
'Tis well, 'tis well; no more.
But let our plot go forward: let our wives
Page. How to send him word they'll meet him in the park at midnight; fie, fie; he'll never come.
Eva. You say, he has been thrown into the rivers; and has been grievously peaten, as an old 'oman; methinks, there should be terrors in him, that he should not come; methinks, his flesh is punished, he shall have no desires.
Page. So think I too.
Mrs. Ford. Devise but how you'll use him when
And let us two devise to bring him thither.
Sometime a keeper here in Windsor forest,
In a most hideous and dreadful manner:
Page. Why, yet there want not many, that o fear
in deep of night to walk by this Herne's oak: But what of this?
Mrs. Ford. Marry, this is our device; That Falstaff at that oak shall meet with us, Disguised like Herne, with huge horns on his head. Puge. Well, let it not be doubted but he'll come, And in this shape: When you have brought him thither,
What shall be done with him? what is your plot? Mrs. Page. That likewise have we thought upon, and thus:
Nan Page my daughter, and my little son,
And fairy-like, to-pinch the unclean knight;
Mrs. Ford. And till he tell the truth,
The truth being known,
Ford. Nay, I'll to him again, in name of Brook; He'll tell me all his purpose: Sure, he'll come. Mrs. Page. Fear not you that: Go, get us properties,
And tricking for our fairies.
Eva. Let us about it: It is admirable pleasures, and fery honest knaveries.
[Exeunt PAGE, FORD, and EVANS. Mrs. Page. Go, mistress Ford, Send quickly to Sir John, to know his mind. [Exit Mrs. FORD.
I'll to the doctor; he hath my good will,
SCENE V. - A Room in the Garter Inn.
Host. What would'st thou have, boor? what, thick-skin? speak, breathe, discuss; brief short, uick, snap.
Sim. Marry, sir, I come to speak with sir Johr. Falstaff from master Slender.
Host. There's his chamber, his house, his castle, his standing-bed, and truckle-bed; 'tis painted about with the story of the prodigal, fresh and new: Go, knock and call; he'll speak like an Anthropophaginian unto thee: Knock, I say.
Sim. There's an old woman, a fat woman, gone up into his chamber; I'll be so bold as stay, sir, till she come down; I come to speak with her, indeed.
Host. Ha a fat woman! the knight may be robbed: I'll call. -Bully knight! Bully sir John! speak from thy lungs military: Art thou there? it is thine host, thine Ephesian, calls.
Fal. [above.] How now, mine host?
Host. Here's a Bohemian-Tartar tarries the coming down of thy fat woman; Let her descend, bully, let her descend; my chambers are honourable: Fye! privacy? fye!
Fal. There was, mine host, an old fat woman, even now with me; but she's gone.
Sim. Pray you, sir, was't not the wise woman of Brentford?
Fal. Ay, marry, was it, muscle-shell; What would you with her?
Sim. My master, sir, my master Slender, sent to her, seeing her go thorough the streets, to know, sir, whether one Nym, sir, that beguiled him of a chain, had the chain, or no.
Fal. I spake with the old woman about it.
Fal. Marry, she says, that the very same man, that beguiled master Slender of his chain, cozened him of it.
Sim. I would, I could have spoken with the woman herself; I had other things to have spoken with her too, from him.
Fal. What are they? let us know.
Sim. I may not conceal them, sir.
Sim. Why, sir, they were nothing but about mistress Anne Page; to know if it were my master's fortune to have her, or no.
Fal. 'Tis, 'tis his fortune.
Sim. What, sir?
Fal. To have her,
told me so.
-or no: Go; say, the woman
Sim. May I be so bold to say so, sir? Fal. Ay, sir Tike; who more bold? Sim. I thank your worship: I shall make my master glad with these tidings. [Exit SIMPLE. Host. Thou art clerkly, thou art clerkly, sir John: Was there a wise woman with thee?
Fal. Ay, that there was, mine host; one that hath taught me more wit than ever I learned before in my life and I paid nothing for it neither, but was paid for my learning.
Bard. Out, alas, sir! cozenage! meer cozenage Host. Where be my horses? speak well of them, varletto.
Bard. Run away with the cozeners: for so soon as I came beyond Eton, they threw me off, from behind one of them, in a slough of mie; and set
purs, and away, like three German devils, three | together! Doctor Faustuses.
Host. They are gone but to meet the duke, villain do not say, they be fled; Germans are honest
Enter Sir HUGH EVANS.
Eva. Where is mine host?
Host. What is the matter, sir?
Eva. Have a care of your entertainments: there is a friend of mine come to town, tells me, there is three couzin germans, that has cozened all the hosts of Readings, of Maidenhead, of Colebrook, of horses and money. I tell you for good-will, look you: you are wise, and full of gibes and vlouting-stogs; and 'tis not convenient you should he cozened: Fare you well. [Exit.
Enter Dr. CAIUS.
Caius. Vere is mine Host de Jarterre? Host. Here, master doctor, in perplexity, and doubtful dilemma.
Caius. I cannot tell vat is dat: But it is tell-a ine, dat you make grand preparation for a duke | le Jarmany: by my trot, dere is no duke, dat de court is know to come: I tell you for good vill: adieu. [Exit. Host. Hue and cry, villain, go: -assist me, knight; I am undone: fly, run, hue and cry, villain I am undone !
[Exeunt Host and BARDOLPH. Fal. I would, all the world might be cozened; for I have been cozened, and beaten too. If it should come to the ear of the court, how I have been transformed, and how my transformation hath been washed and cudgeled, they would melt me out of ny fat, drop by drop, and liquor fishermen's boots with me; I warrant, they would whip me with their fine wits, till I were as crest-fallen as a dried pear. I never prospered since I forswore myself at primero. Well, if my wind were but long enough to say my prayers, I would repent.
Enter Mistress QUICKLY.
Now! whence come you?
Quick. From the two parties, forsooth.
Fal. The devil take one party, and his dam the other, and so they shall be both bestowed! I have suffered more for their sakes, more, than the villainous inconstancy of man's disposition is able to bear.
Quick. And have not they suffered? Yes, I warrant; speciously one of them; mistress Ford, good heart, is beaten black and blue, that you cannot see a white spot about her.
Fal. What tell'st thou me of black and blue? I was beaten myself into all the colours of the rainbow; and I was like to be apprehended for the witch of Brentford; but that my admirable dexterity of wit, my counterfeiting the action of an old woman, deliver'd me, the knave constable had set me i' the stocks, i' the common stocks, for a witch. Quick. Sir, let me speak with you in your chamber: you shall hear how things go; and, I warrant, to your content. Here is a letter will say someGood hearts, what ado here is to bring you
Sure, one of you does not serve heaven
well, that you are so crossed.
Fal. Come up into my chamber.
SCENE VI. Another Room in the Garter Inn.
Enter FENTON and Host.
Host. Master Fenton, talk not to me; my mind is heavy, I will give over all.
Fent. Yet hear me speak: Assist me in my purpose,
And, as I am a gentleman, I'll give thee
Fent. From time to time I have acquainted you
I'll show you here at large.
[Showing the letter. Hark, good mine host: just 'twixt twelve and
Must my sweet Nan present the fairy queen:
Her mother, even strong against that match,
Fent. Both, my good host, to go along with me:
Host. Well, husband your device; I'll to the
Bring you the maid, you shall not lack a priest.
Fent. So shall I ever more be bound to thee; Besides, I'll make a present recompense. [Ereunt