The Plays of William Shakspeare

Pro. Come, come, open the matter in brief: What said she?

Speed. Open your purse, that the money, and the matter, may be both at once delivered.

Pro. Well, sir, here is for your pains: What said

she?

Speed. Truly, sir, I think you'll hardly win her. Pro. Why? Could'st thou perceive so much from her?

Speed. Sir, I could perceive nothing at all from her; no, not so much as a ducat for delivering your letter: And being so hard to me that brought your mind, I fear, she'll prove as hard to you in telling Give her no token but stones; for she's

her mind.

as hard as steel.

take this for thy

Pro. What, said she nothing? Speed. No, not so much aspains. To testify your bounty, I thank you, you have testern'd me; in requital whereof, henceforth carry your letters yourself: and so, sir, I'll commend you to my master

Pro. Go, go, be gone, to save your ship
wreck;

Which cannot perish, having thee aboard,
Being destined to a drier death on shore. -
I must go send some better messenger;
I fear, my Julia would not deign my lines,
Receiving them from such a worthless post.

[Exeunt.

SCENE II. The same. Garden of Julia's House. Enter JULIA and LUCETTA.

Pro. He after honour hunts, I after love :
He leaves his friends to dignify them more;
I leave myself, my friends, and all for love.
Thou, Julia, thou hast metamorphos'd me;
Made me neglect my studies, lose my time,
War with good counsel, set the worid at nought;
Made wit with musing weak, heart sick with thought.

Enter SPEED.

Speed. Sir Proteus, save you: Saw you my master?
Pro. But now he parted hence, to embark for
Milan.

Speed. Twenty to one then he is shipp'd already;
And I have play'd the sheep, in losing him.

Pro. Indeed a sheep doth very often stray, An if the shepherd be awhile away.

Speed. You conclude that my master is a shepherd then, and I a sheep?

Pro. I do.

Speed. Why then my horns are his horns, whether
I wake or sleep.

Pro. A silly answer, and fitting well a sheep.
Speed. This proves me still a sheep.
Pro. True; and thy master a shepherd.
Speed. Nay, that I can deny by a circumstance.
Pro. It shall go hard, but I'll prove it by another.
Speed. The shepherd seeks the sheep, and not the
sheep the shepherd; but I seek my master, and my
master seeks not me: therefore, I am no sheep.

Pro. The sheep for fodder follow the shepherd, the shepherd for food follows not the sheep; thou for wages followest thy master, thy master for wages follows not thee: therefore, thou art a sheep.

Speed. Such another proof will make me cry baa. Pro. But dost thou hear? gav'st thou my letter to Julia?

Speed. Ay, sir; I, a lost mutton, gave your letter to her, a laced mutton; and she, a laced mutton, gave me, a lost mutton, nothing for my labour!

Pro. Here's too small a pasture for such a store of muttons.

Speed. If the ground be overcharged, you were best stick her.

Pro. Nay, in that you are astray; 'twere best pound you.

Speed. Nay, sir, less than a pound shall serve me for carrying your letter.

Pro. You mistake; I I mean the pound, a pinfold.
Speed. From a pound to a pin? fold it over and

over,

'Tis threefold too little for carrying a letter to your lover.

Pro. But what said she? did she nod?

Speed. I.

[SPEED nods.

Pro. Nod, I; why, that's noddy. Speed. You mistook, sir; I say, she did nod: and you ask me, if she did nod; and I say, I.

Pro. And that set together, is-noddy. Speed. Now you have taken the pains to set it together, take it for your pains.

Pro. No, no, you shall have it for bearing the letter.

Speed. Well, I perceive, I must be fain to bear with you.

Pro. Why, sir, how do you bear with me?
Speed. Marry, sir, the letter very orderly; having
nothing but the word, noddy, for my pains.

Pro. Beshrew me, but you have a quick wit.
Speed. And yet it cannot overtake your slow purse.

Jul. But say, Lucetta, now we are alone,
Would'st thou then counsel me to fall in love?
Luc. Ay, madam; so you stumble not unheedfully.
Jul. Of all the fair resort of gentlemen,
That every day with parle encounter me,
In thy opinion, which is worthiest love?

Luc. Please you, repeat their names, I'll shew
my mind

According to my shallow simple skill.

Jul. What think'st thou of the fair Sir Eglamour?
Luc. As of a knight well-spoken, neat and fine;
But, were I you, he never should be mine.

Jul. What think'st thou of the rich Mercatio?
Luc. Well, of his wealth; but of himself, so, so.
Jul. What think'st thou of the gentle Proteus?
Luc. Lord, lord! to see what folly reigns in us!
Jul. How now! what means this passion at his
name?

Luc. Pardon, dear madam; 'tis a passing shame
That I, unworthy body as I am,

Should censure thus on lovely gentlemen.
Jul. Why not on Proteus, as of all the rest?
Luc. Then thus,
of many good I think him

best.

Jul. Your reason?

Luc. I have no other but a woman's reason;
I think him so, because I think him so.
Jul. And would'st thou have me cast my love on

him?

Luc. Ay, if you thought your love not cast away.
Jul. Why, he of all the rest hath never mov'd me.
Luc. Yet he of all the rest, I think, best loves ye.
Jul. His little speaking shows his love but small.
Luc. Fire, that is closest kept, burns most of all.
Jul. They do not love, that do not show their love.
Luc. O, they love least, that let men know their
love.

Jul. I would, I knew his mind. Luc.

Jul. To Julia, Luc.

Peruse this paper, madam. Say, from whom?

That the contents will shew.

Jul. Say, say; who gave it thee?
Luc. Sir Valentine's page; and sent, I think,
from Proteus:

He would have given it you, but I, being in the way,
Did in your name receive it; pardon the fault, I pray.
Jul. Now, by my modesty, a goodly broker
Dare you presume to harbour wanton lines?
To whisper and conspire against my youth?
Now, trust me, 'tis an office of great worth,
And you an officer fit for the place.
There, take the paper, see it be return'd;
Or else return no more into my sight.

Luc. To plead for love deserves more fee than hate.

Jul. Will you be gone?

Luc.

That you may ruminate. [Exit. Jul. And yet, I would, I had o'erlook'd the letter. It were a shame to call her back again,

And pray her to a fault for which I chid her.
What fool is she, that knows I am a maid,
And would not force the letter to my view?
Since maids, in modesty, say No, to that
Which they would have the profferer construe, Ay.
Fie, fie! how wayward is this foolish love,
That, like a testy babe, will scratch the nurse,
And presently, all humbled, kiss the rod !
How churlishly I chid Lucetta hence,
When willingly I would have had her here!
How angrily I taught my brow to frown,
When inward joy enforc'd my heart to smile!
My penance is, to call Lucetta back,
And ask remission for my folly past:-
What ho! Lucetta?

Jul.

Why didst thou stoop then? Luc. To take a paper up that I let fall.

ul. And is that paper nothing?

Luc. Nothing concerning me. hl. Then let it lie for those that it concerns. Luc. Madam, it will not lie where it concerns, Unless it have a false interpreter.

Jul. Some love of yours hath writ to you in rhyme. Luc. That I might sing it, madam, to a tune: Give me a note: your ladyship can set.

Jul. As little by such toys as may be possible:

Best sing it to the tune of Light o' love.
Luc. It is too heavy for so light a tune.
Jul. Heavy? belike, it hath some burden then.
Luc. Ay; and melodious were it, would you
sing it.

Jul. And why not you?

Luc.

I cannot reach so high. Jul. Let's see your song; How now, minion? Luc. Keep tune there still, so you will sing it out: And yet, methinks, I do not like this tune.

Jul. You do not?

Luc. No, madam; it is too sharp.

Jul. You, minion, are too saucy. Luc. Nay, now you are too fiat, And mar the concord with too harsh a descant: There wanteth but a mean to fill your song.

Jul. The mean is drown'd with your unruly base. Luc. Indeed, I bid the base for Proteus.

Jul. This babble shall not henceforth trouble me. Here is a coil with protestation!- [Tears the letter. Go, get you gone; and let the papers lie: You would be fingering them, to anger me.

Luc. She makes it strange; but she would be best pleas'd [Exit.

To be so anger'd with another letter.

Jul. Nay, would I were so anger'd with the same!
O hateful hands, to tear such loving words!
Injurious wasps! to feed on such sweet honey,
And kill the bees, that yield it, with your stings!
I'll kiss each several paper for amends.
And, here is writ-kind Julia;- unkind Julia!
As in revenge of thy ingratitude,

I throw thy name against the bruising stones,
Trampling contemptuously on thy disdain.
Look, here is writ-love-wounded Proteus:
Poor wounded name! my bosom, as a bed,
Shall lodge thee, till thy wound be throughly heal'd;
And thus I search it with a sovereign kiss.
But twice, or thrice, was Proteus written down:
Be calm, good wind, blow not a word away,
Till I have found each letter in the letter,
Except mine own name; that some whirlwind beas
Unto a ragged, fearful, hanging rock,

And throw it thence into the raging sea!

Lo, here in one line is his name twice writ, —
Poor forlorn Proteus, passionate Proteus,
To the sweet Julia; that I'll tear away;
And yet
I will not, sith so prettily

He couples it to his complaining names;
Thus will I fold them one upon another;
Now kiss, embrace, contend, do what you will

Re-enter LUCETTA.

Luc. Madam, dinner's ready, and your father stays. Jul. Well, let us go.

Luc. What, shall these papers lie like tell-tales here?

Jul. If you respect them, best to take them up. Luc. Nay, I was taken up for laying them down: Yet here they shall not lie, for catching cold.

Jul. I see you have a month's mind to them.
Luc. Ay, madam, you may say what sights you

see;

I see things too, although you judge I wink.
Jul. Come, come, wilt please you go? [Exeunt.
SCENE III.

The same. A room in Antonio's
House.

Enter ANTONIO and PANTHINO.

Ant. Tell me, Panthino, what sad talk was that, Wherewith my brother held you in the cloister? Pan. 'Twas of his nephew Proteus, your son. Ant. Why, what of him?

Pan.
He wonder'd, that your lordslup
Would suffer him to spend his youth at home;
While other men, of slender reputation,
Put forth their sons to seek preferment out:
Some, to the wars, to try their fortune there;

Some, to discover islands far away;
Some, to the studious universities.

two

For any, or for c1 t.se exercises,

Pro. May't please your lordship, 'tis a word or
He said, that Proteus, your son, was meet :
And did request me, to importune you,

Of commendation sent from Valentine,
To let him spend his time no more at home, Deliver'd by a friend that came from him.
Which would be great impeachment to his age,

Ant. Lend me the letter ; let me see what news In having known no travel in his youth.

Pro. There is no news, my lord; but that he writes Ant. Nor need'st thou much importune me to that How happily he lives, how well-belov’d, Whereon this month I have been hammering. And daily graced by the emperor ; I have consider'd well his loss of time;

Wishing me with him, partner of his fortune. And how he cannot be a perfect man,

Ant. And how stand you affected to his wish? Not being try'd, and tutor'd in the world :

Pro. As one relying on your lordship's will, Experience is by industry atchiev'd,

And not depending on his friendly wish. And perfected by the swift course of time :

Ant. My will is something sorted with his wish : Then, tell me, whither were I best to send him? Muse not that I thus suddenly proceed ;

Pan. I think, your lordship is not ignorant, For what I will, I will, and there an end. How his companion, youthful Valentine,

I am resolv'd, that thou shalt spend some time Attends the emperor in his royal court.

With Valentinus in the emperor's court; Ant. I know it well.

What maintenance he from his friends receives, Pan. 'Twere good, I think, your lordship sent Like exhibition shalt thou have from me. him thither :

To-morrow be in readiness to go : There shall he practise tilts and tournaments,

Excuse it not, for I am peremptory. Hear sweet discourse, converse with noblemen ; Pro. My lord, I cannot be so soon provided; And be in eye of every exercise,

Please you, deliberate a day or two. Worthy his youth and nobleness of birth.

Ant. Look, what thou want'st, shall be sent after Ant. I like thy counsel ; well hast thou advis'd :

thee : And, that thou may’st perceive how well I like it, No more of stay ; to-morrow thou must go. The execution of it shall make known;

Come on, Panthino; you shall be employ'd Even with the speediesi execution

To hasten on his expedition. I will dispatch him to the emperor's court.

[Ereunt Axt. and PAN. Pan. To-morrow, may it please you, Don Al- Pro. Thus have I shunn'd the fire, for fear of phonso,

burning; With other gentlemen of good esteem,

And drench'd me in the sea, where I am drown'd: Are journeying to salute the emperor,

I fear'd to shew my father Julia's letter, And to commend their service to his will.

Lest he should take exceptions to my love ; Ant. Good company; with them shall Proteus go: ;

And with the vantage of mine own excuse
And, in good time,- —now will we break with him. Hath he excepted most against my love.

O, how this spring of love resembleth
Enter Proteus.

The uncertain glory of an April day ;
Pro. Sweet love! sweet lines ! sweet life! Which now shews all the beauty of the sun,
Here is her hand, the agent of her heart ;

And by and by a cloud takes all away!
Here is her oath for love, her honour's pawn :
0, that our fathers would applaud our loves,

Re-enter PANTHINO. To seal our happiness with their consents!

Pan. Sir Proteus, your father calls for you ; O heavenly Julia!

He is in haste, therefore, I pray you, go. Ant. How now? what letter are you reading Pro. Why, this it is ! my heart accords thereto, there?

And yet a thousand times it answers, no. (Exeunt.

ACT II.

SCENE I. -- Milan. An Apartment in the Duke's

Palace.
Enter VALENTINE and SPEED.
Speed. Sir, your glove.
Val. Not mine; my gloves are on.
Speed. Why then this may be yours, for this is

but one.
Val. Ha! let me see: ay, give it me, it's mine: -
Sweet ornament that decks a thing divine !
Ah Silvia! Silvia!

Speed. Madam Silvia! madam Silvia !
Val. How now,

sirrah?
Speed. She is not within hearing, sir.
Val. Why, sir, who bade you call her?
Speed. Your worship, sir; or else I mistook.
Val. Well, you'll still be too forward.
Speed. And yet I was last chidden for being too

slow.

Val. Go to, sir; tell me, do you know madam

Silvia ?
Speed. She that your worship loves?
Val. Why, how know you that I am in love ?

Speed. Marry, by these special marks: First, you have learned, like sir Proteus, to wreath your arms like a male-content; to relish a love-song, like a Robin-red-breast; to walk alone, like one that had the pestilence; to sigh, like a school-boy that had lost his A. B. C; to weep, like a young wenchi that had buried her grandam ; to fast, like one that takes diet; to watch, like one that fears robbing ; to speak puling, like a beggar at Hallowmas. You were wont, when you laughed, to crow like a cock; when you walked, to waik like one of the lions ; when you fasted, it was presently after dinner; when you looked sadly, it was for want of money · and now you are metamorphosed with a mistresse

that, when I look on you, I can hardly think you my master.

Val. Are all these things perceived in me?
Speed. They are all perceived without you.
Val. Without me? they cannot.

Speed. Without you? nay, that's certain, for, without you were so simple, none else would: but you are so without these follies, that these follies are within you, and shine through you like the water in an urinal; that not an eye, that sees you, but is a physician to comment on your malady.

Val. But tell me, dost thou know my lady Silvia? Speed. She, that you gaze on so, as she sits at supper?

Val. Hast thou observed that? even she I mean. Speed. Why, sir, I know her not.

Val. Dost thou know her by my gazing on her, and yet knowest her not?

Speed. Is she not hard favoured, sir?
Val. Not so fair, boy, as well favoured.
Speed. Sir, I know that well enough.
Val. What dost thou know?

Speed. That she is not so fair, as (of you) well favoured.

Val. I mean, that her beauty is exquisite, but her favour infinite.

Speed. That's because the one is painted, and the other out of all count.

Val. How painted? and how out of count? Speed. Marry, sir, so painted, to make her fair, that no man counts of her beauty.

Val. How esteemest thou me? I account of her beauty.

Speed. You never saw her since she was deformed.
Val. How long hath she been deformed?
Speed. Ever since you loved her.

Val. I have loved her ever since I saw her; and still I see her beautiful.

Speed. If you love her, you cannot see her.
Val. Why?

had

Speed. Because love is blind. O, that you mine eyes; or your own eyes had the lights they were wont to have, when you chid at sir Proteus for going ungartered!

of manners.

Speed. O, 'give you good even! here's a million [Aside. Sil. Sir Valentine and servant, to you two thou sand.

Speed. He should give her interes, and she gives it him.

Val. As you enjoin'd me, I have writ your letter, Unto the secret nameless friend of yours; Which I was much unwilling to proceed in, But for my duty to your ladyship.

Sul. I thank you, gentle servant: 'tis very clerkly done.

Val. Now trust me, madam, it came hardly off'; For, being ignorant to whom it goes,

I writ at random, very doubtfully.

Sil. Perchance you think too much of so much pains?

Val. No, madam; so it stead you, I will write, Please you command, a thousand times as much : And yet,

Val. What should I see then?

Speed. Your own present folly, and her passing deformity: for he, being in love, could not see to garter his hose; and you, being in love, cannot see to put on your hose.

Val. Belike, boy, then you are in love; for last morning you could not see to wipe my shoes.

Speed. True, sir; I was in love with my bed: I thank you, you swinged me for my love, which makes me the bolder to chide you for yours.

Val. In conclusion, I stand affected to her. Speed. I would you were set; so, your affection would cease.

Val. Last night she enjoined me to write some lines to one she loves.

Speed. And have you?

Val. I have.

Speed. Are they not lamely writ?

Val. No, boy, but as well as I can do them;Peace, here she comes.

Enter SILVIA.

Speed. O excellent motion! O exceeding puppet! now will he interpret to her.

Val. Madam and mistress, a thousand good

morrows.

Sil. A pretty period! Well, I guess the sequel;
And yet I will not name it :-and yet I care not; -
And yet take this again; and yet I thank you;
Meaning henceforth to trouble you no more.

Speed. And yet you will; and yet another yet.
[Aside
Val. What means your ladyship? do you not
like it?

Sil. Yes, yes; the lines are very quaintly writ:
But since unwillingly, take them again;
Nay, take them.

Val. Madam, they are for you.

Sil. Ay, ay, you writ them, sir, at my request;
But I will none of them; they are for you:
I would have had them writ more movingly.
Val. Please you, I'll write your ladyship another.
Sil. And when it's writ, for my sake read it over:
And if it please you, so: if not, why, so.

Val. If it please me, madam! what then?
Sil. Why, if it please you, take it for your labour.
And so good morrow, servant. [Exit SILVIA.
Speed. O jest unseen, inscrutable, invisible,
As a nose on a man's face, or a weathercock on a

steeple !

My master sues to her; and she hath taught her suitor,

He being her pupil, to become her tutor.

O excellent device! was there ever heard a better? That my master, being scribe, to himself should write the letter?

Val. How now, sir? what are you reasoning with yourself?

Speed. Nay, I was rhyming; 'tis you that have

the reason.

Val. To do what?

Speed. To be a spokesman from madam Silvia.
Val. To whom?

Speed. To yourself: why, she wooes you by a

figure.

Val. What figure?

Speed. By a letter, I should say.

Val. Why, she hath not writ to me?

Speed. What needs she, when she hath made you write to yourself? Why, do you not perceive the jest? Val. No, believe me.

Speed. No believing you indeed, sir: But did you perceive her earnest?

Val. She gave me none, except an angry word.
Speed. Why, she hath given you a letter.
Val. That's the letter I writ to her friend.

Speed. And that letter hath she deliver'd, and shoe is my father; -no, no, this left shoe is my there an end.

Enter PROTEUS and JULIA.

Pro. Have patience, gentle Julia. Jul. I must, where is no remedy. Pro. When possibly I can, I will return. Jul. If you turn not, you will return the sooner : Keep this remembrance for thy Julia's sake.

[Giving a ring. Pro. Why then we'll make exchange; here, take you this.

Jul. And seal the bargain with a holy kiss. Pro. Here is my hand for my true constancy; And when that hour o'er-slips me in the day, Wherein I sigh not, Julia, for thy sake, The next ensuing hour some foul mischance Torment me for my love's forgetfulness! My father stays my coming; answer not; The tide is now: nay, not thy tide of tears; That tide will stay me longer than I should: [Exit JULIA. Julia, farewell. - What! gone without a word? Ay, so true love should do: it cannot speak; For truth hath better deeds, than words, to grace

it.

Enter PANTHINO.

Pan. Sir Proteus, you are staid for.

Pro. Go; I come, I come :

Alas! this parting strikes poor lovers dumb:

mother; nay, that cannot be so neither: - yes, it is so, it is so; it hath the worser sole; This shoe, with the hole in it, is my mother, and this my father; A vengence on't! there 'tis : now, sir, this staff is my sister; for, look you, she is as white as a lily, and as small as a wand: this hat is Nan, our maid; I am the dog :—no the dog is himself, and I am the dog, O, the dog is me, and I am myself; ay, so, so. Now come I to my father; Father, your blessing; now should not the shoe speak a word for weeping; now should I kiss my father; well, he weeps on:-now come I to my mother, (O, that she could speak now!) like a wood woman; - well, I kiss her;-why, there 'tis; here's my mother's breath up and down; now come I to my sister; mark the moan she makes: now the dog all this while sheds not a tear, nor speaks a word; but see how I lay the dust with my tears.

Enter PANTHINO.

Pan. Launce, away, away, aboard; thy master is shipped, and thou art to post after with oars. What's the matter? why weep'st thou, man? Away, ass; you will lose the tide, if you tarry any longer.

Laun. It is no matter if the ty'd were lost; for it is the unkindest ty'd that ever man ty'd.

Pan. What's the unkindest tide?

Laun. Why, he that's ty'd here; Crab, my dog. Pan. Tut, man, I mean thou'lt lose the flood: and, in losing the flood, lose thy voyage; and, in losing thy voyage, lose thy master, and, in losing thy master, lose thy service; and, in losing thy service,- Why dost thou stop my mouth?

Laun. For fear thou should'st lose thy tongue.
Pan. Where should I lose my tongue?
Laun. In thy tale.

Pan. In thy tail?

Laun. Lose the tide, and the voyage, and the master, and the service? The tide! Why, man, if the river were dry, I am able to fill it with my tears; if the wind were down, I could drive the boat with my sighs.

Pan. Come, come away, man; I was sent to call thee.

Laun. Sir, call me what thou darest.

Pan. Wilt thou go?

Laun. Well, I will go.

[Exeunt.

SCENE IV. - Milan. An Apartment in the Duke's Palace.

Enter LAUNCE, leading a Dog.

Laun. Nay, 'twill be this hour ere I have done weeping; all the kind of the Launces have this very fault I have received my proportion, like the prodigious son, and am going with sir Proteus to the Imperial's court. I think, Crab my dog be the sourest-natured dog that lives: my mother weeping, my father wailing, my sister crying, our maid howling, our cat wringing her hands, and all our house in a great perplexity, yet did not this cruel-hearted cur shed one tear; he is a stone, a very pebble-stone, and has no more pity in him than a dog: a Jew would have wept to have seen our parting; why, my grandam having no eyes, look you, wept herself blind at my parting. Nay, I'll show you the manner of it: This shoe is my father;- no, this lef

Speed. Master, sir Thurio frowns on you.
Val. Ay, boy, it's for love.
Speed. Not of you.

Val. Of my mistress then.
Speed. 'Twere good, you knocked him.
Sil. Servant, you are sad.

Val. Indeed, madam, I seem so.
Thu. Seem you that you are not?
Val. Haply I do.

Thu. So do counterfeits.
Val. So do you.

Thu. What seem I, that I am not?
Val. Wise.

Thu. What instance of the contrary?

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