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FRIENDS' MISCELLANY.

No. 8.]

ELEVENTH MONTH, 1835.

[VOL. VII.

MARGARET BISHPAM'S

Instructions to her Daughters.

I have often thought, whilst in health, of writing something that might serve as an imperfect guide to you, my daughters, to keep you, when you come to have the charge of families, from falling into disorder and confusion, that is to be seen in most if not all that have no steady rule observed in them. As it was not done in health, I now set about it in much bodily weakness, not expecting to be long able to do it.

The fear of the Lord is the first and only foundation to build upon; and though we cannot teach our families that saving knowledge, yet we can teach them as far as we are able to honour and adore the sacred name. Keep none under your roof if you can avoid it, who will wantonly profane or speak lightly of holy things. Teach your children above all things to attend to the spirit of Truth within them. How much pains have I seen taken to instruct children in what is called plain language, and in colours and cuts of clothes: often, it is to be feared, whilst the mind is turned outward to these, the poor soul remains uncultivated and ignorant: and were some of those so instructed to be asked by what means they hoped for salvation, they could give no better reason than the Pharisees of old, "I do such things, thereVOL. VII.-29

fore am better than others;" but know not that saying grace that is the gift of God through faith in his Son. But as for you, do you endeavour to turn their tender minds to God; teach them that all saving knowledge must come from him. Strive to turn their attention to that eye which ever beholds them, and sees their secret thoughts—and this will consequently produce an awe upon their minds that will more safely preserve them from sin, than all the formal rules and restraints you can lay them under.

I have often remarked that parents are apt to be blinded to the failings and weaknesses of their own children, and if they do see them, think when they are older they will see the folly of it themselves, and as much as in them is, try to cover and hide what they see amiss. What strengthens vice more than covering it? It begets infidelity in the mind towards God; his fear is lost, and vice grows stronger and stronger: but on the contrary, when you discover a weakness or error in a child, endeavour to paint it in its true colour; endeavour to beget an abhorrence in its mind towards the wrong. Let not the least leaning toward it escape your notice without admonishing; then if they will not hear, you will be clear. Some of you perhaps may not marry, then you will be more at leisure to attend to spiritual things, and be virgins espoused to Christ. If you should have proposals of marriage, ask counsel of the Lord; implore his direction in a matter of such importance; lean not to human counsel; for such are often deceived, though prospects have looked pleasing.

In regard to family rules, as soon as married form some regular plans for yourselves, as well as those

If the

under you, and cause them to be kept to. civil power is trodden under foot, all goes to confusion. I mean, in the first place, keep yourselves and families steady in attending the public worship of God: let it be seen that you honour him above all; not that I think the worship and adoration of the Most High consists in attending our public meetings only, and riding from one to another, as I have often with sorrow seen some do, leaving their families in great disorder. But, on the other hand, beware you suffer not a worldly spirit to hinder you from attending to that necessary duty, with a view that you may be more fitted to worship him eternally in heaven. I have thought necessary, in my young days, to say to the intruding cares of the world as Balaam did to the Moabites, Tarry here, whilst I go to seek the Lord yonder; and to my inexpressible comfort have found him, when I have gone in this seeking, humble spirit.

Ever endeavour to live in the spirit of prayer. Often in the day, when your hands are usefully employed, lift your souls to the mighty Rock of ages, that he would preserve you from the frailties of nature. This is that watch recommended by our Lord, and to pray without ceasing; not that we should be always on our knees, but that the eye of the mind and soul should be turned to the Lord in breathing after him, the first and last, all in all. This state cannot be attained in noise and confusion: you must first bring the mind to thoughtfulness and meditation on heavenly things. Let this be the food of your souls, and they will become stronger and stronger, and your heavenly Father will give you such saving knowledge of himself as you are capable of

receiving from time to time. Oh! may your souls hunger and thirst after it, and you will be filled, and your countenance will be an awe upon the family, as well as your example a pattern to them; then disorder and confusion will not find room therein. If thy husband fear not the Lord, use thy endeavours with him. How knowest thou, O woman, but thou mayest save thy husband?

In regard to household affairs, I have made some observations that I will put down in writing, that they may be better remembered. Keep to certain rules, as I have observed; first, take proper care of all that comes into the house. If your health will admit, see to the business, and that those who are about you do their duty. If more than one maid, divide the work between them according to their capacities: let each know their business, and see that they do it. Have a certain place for every thing, that they may know where things are when called for, and so not spend a great deal of time in looking for things that they have no certain place for. Have certain times and seasons for doing every thing, that your family may not be at a loss, if you should be sick, how to go on with business. — Good rules in household affairs lessen the work and care of a family, when kept to. Dont give yourselves a habit of speaking cross in the family; scold no body; give orders with mildness; at the same time let them know they must obey: if the command is trampled upon, all order and authority are lost, and harmony therewith. With your children let your word be irrevocable; let no entreaty of theirs suffer you to make a break upon it; for if they once can conquer, you will be rather ruled by the children

than they by you; remember parental authority must be early established, or else the work will be very hard indeed. If your husbands dont join in it, it will make the work harder; yet dont let that discourage, but ever have their future good in view. Outward happiness is very desirable, which few seem to know the means of attaining; it is generally believed to be in outward treasure that we have not yet gained, but this is a delusion. I have believed few have enjoyed a greater share of this happiness than myself; and I have found it to consist in a mind resigned to the will of God; steadfastly believing he will not suffer any thing to befall me but what is some way for my good. If a sparrow falls not but by his permission, and the hairs of my head are numbered, which I cannot doubt, as the Son of God has said so, then how shall I distrust the all-wise Providence concerning me! I do not mean by resignation to the divine will, that we are to let our hands hang down, and say Providence will provide for me if I keep my place. I say you will not keep your places without you exert the capacities and talents that Providence has given you for the support of your families, and the good of the community you live in; but remember to have your eyes to the Lord for all these blessings, and be resigned as to the event. Labour is profitable for all; and the good will be usefully employed in some way or other, for themselves or their friends. Avoid needless visits, and as much as you can, unsuitable company: never give way to gadding abroad; yet I would have you visit friends, and entertain them with a kind heart; but be sure they are well chosen: for a person is known by the company he keeps. Never

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