and lightnings, meteors, &c., used to affect my mind with fearful apprehensions, and often drove me to seek God, for a season.

'Before my conversion, I received, on several occasions, extraordinary answers to prayer, and was clear that I was heard in that I feared, even before there was any appearance or likelihood of my desires being accomplished. It likewise pleased the Lord, gradually to wean me from some of my favourite amusements, before I had any true sense of religion, that of playing at cards in particular. One evening, while my aunt and myself, with two or three others, were engaged in a game at whist, we were dreadfully alarmed with a tremendous and most horrifying noise; I turned pale, threw down my cards, and refused to play any longer. I was, however, persuaded to resume them, but had no sooner begun to play, than I felt as if I were seized with death; and the company became as much alarmed with me, as they had just before been with the unnatural noise we had heard. I have often thought that if I had persisted in finishing the game, I should have died; and I believe I never played at cards above once afterwards, and then it was with fear and trembling. Often I have been seized with terror in the theatre, and dreadful apprehensions of death and eternity, in the midst of my pleasure; and yet, for all this, I continued thoughtless and careless about my eternal state, until I was about eighteen, when it pleased the Lord once more to awaken my conscience.

It was a custom in our family always to read the word of God on a Sunday evening; this had long been an irksome task to me, which I durst not refuse, yet often sought to avoid. One evening, I was reading, at my aunt's request, the fifth chapter of Hebrews, when my uncle began

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to ask me some questions about Melchizedec, who he was, &c., I found myself utterly at a loss for an answer, for although I was conversant with the historical part of the Bible, and the four Gospels, yet I was a stranger to the spirituality of the Scriptures, and altogether opposed to their purity; consequently, I knew but little of the epistles and the prophetic parts, excepting the Revelations. My uncle, being a man of experience and understanding, explained the chapter to me, which filled me with consternation and shame, for having spent my time, till then, in the pursuit of folly instead of true knowledge, and for neglecting the things which pertained to my everlasting salvation: upon which it came powerfully to my mind, “if thou wilt give up thy pursuits, and set thyself to seek God, thou shalt understand far more than this;" my heart replied, "I will, Lord;" and I immediately felt a power to break loose from every entanglement. I sought the Lord that night in earnest prayer, but the day following, I felt a secret shrinking back, and an unwillingness to give up my studies; but resuming my resolution, I determined to destroy every inlet to temptation, lest it should afterwards prove a snare to me. Accordingly, I took all the productions of my pen, and committed them to the flames, not sparing one; I then proceeded to burn my play books, novels, romances, &c., judging it not right to dispose of them to others, when I saw it wrong to keep them myself.

'I now set myself to pray, and read the Scriptures three times a day, and made use of a very good manual we had in the house, for that purpose; but finding very little advantage from a form of prayer, and no light into the word of God, I was led to reason whether what I had felt in my own mind, and the impression I then received, were not altogether a delusion,

and whether the resolution I had made was not founded upon the mere strength of my imagination. But I was enabled to overcome this temptation by reflecting upon the reasonableness of a religious life, and the decided advantage it had over a dissipated one. And from a conviction that what I had been pursuing was a mere phantom, and would delude me in the end, and that the knowledge upon which my eternal happiness depended was the only true knowledge, I concluded that the resolution I had made was both commendable and rewardable, and that, by a steady perseverance in prayer, and reading the word of God, I should finally obtain a competent knowledge and understanding of it. I therefore determined to go forward, regarding it as not a little sin to put my hand to the plough, and afterwards to look back; besides, I feared, lest by mocking God, in going back from my purpose, I might provoke him to depart from me, and leave me to perish in my sins. Sometimes, indeed, through the darkness and heaviness which I felt, and my ignorance of Divine things, I was led to imagine I should never see better days, and was ready to accuse myself for having given up those pursuits, although visionary, which had yielded me some delight. The idea of dragging on such a dull, melancholy life, as I was then commencing, seemed almost insupportable; however, the thought of being excluded from the kingdom of heaven for looking back, weighed much with me, and I durst not be found turning about any more.

'Being tired of my form of prayer, I took the Common Prayer Book, and began to examine the Collects and Liturgy of the Church of England; also the Catechism, Baptismal and Confirmation Services, but still found no relief. About this time, Kempis's Chris

tian Pattern fell in my way, and a few of Mr. Wesley's publications; among which were his Treatise on Christian Perfection, and Mrs. Harper's Journal. I do not remember deriving any benefit from reading the Treatise at that time, but was stirred up somewhere about that period to keep a diary. Soon after, I went to visit a friend near Sir George Cook's, in the neighbourhood of Doncaster; whilst there my uncle wrote to me, and sent me Cornelius Cayley's Echo; but I did not rightly benefit, by it although I read it with great attention and desire, for the veil was still upon my heart, and I found it difficult to read or pray with any comfort or satisfaction to my own mind, nor do I remember receiving any light from God or any help from man for some time.

After my return to Leeds I paid a visit to Bramham Park, where I had a great fight of temptations to encounter. I received the Sacrament for the first time on the Sunday after my arrival; so ignorant was I, that I expected some outward manifestation of God's presence; but being disappointed herein, I began to seek him more earnestly by prayer, and was so far convinced of right and wrong, as to know and feel the friendship of the world to be enmity with God; and although I could not enjoy its company and amusements as I had formerly done, yet I had not sufficient resolution to withdraw myself from them. This brought darkness and guilt upon my mind, from which I found it impossible to get free. On the Thursday following the Sacrament, there was the most dreadful storm of thunder and lightning ever remembered. I expected to be struck dead every moment for having sinfully conformed to the world after receiving the sacrament; and covenanted with God to be his faithful servant, if he would spare

me. I now began to find a little more comfort in reading the word of God, and in prayer, but still did not receive any light upon the Scriptures, which was a source of temptation and discouragement to me.

'About this time, I imbibed some strange notions, rather inclining towards enthusiasm: and met with a Calvinist book, which, though good in itself, said a great deal against inward righteousness, and tended much to put out a degree of light that I had received from a sermon of Mr. Wesley's, which had been peculiarly blessed to me, upon salvation by faith. I now formed a resolution to read no books but what I believed to be written by inspired men: yet I was, notwithstanding, frequently induced to read various authors upon different points of doctrine, which tended greatly to perplex and embarrass my mind. I felt I could not receive the doctrine of imputed righteousness, as the Calvinists hold it, and was often brought into great darkness and distress of mind concerning election and reprobation. After I had walked awhile in this way, without receiving either light or comfort, I began to dispute my state, and consider myself as deceived, and out of the way; yet I durst not turn back, lest I should never be able to find the way of life, and so be cast off by God eternally. I therefore resolved to go on as I had begun, in fasting and prayer, reading God's word, and avoiding every thing I believed to be sinful, or opposed to the religion of the Gospel. But I could not overcome myself with regard to rising early; I often purposed, and as often found myself overpowered with drowsiness, and an inclination to indulge nature a little longer, which brought great darkness and condemnation upon my mind, and caused me to go heavily along, mourning under my load, without any sense of my acceptance