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I have mentioned, and many others, I got the bet-
ter of my foolish passion, though I could not blot
his memory from my mind. I then had a young
man come a courting in Honiton, whose rame was
John Thomas; and though he was a man of fortune,
the thoughts of the other drew my heart from love;
but by strong persuasions of my friends I indulged
his company for a little time, and faithfully told him,
he might think, as my Father was a farmer he would
give me a fortune, but I would not deceive him, for
he could give me none.
His answer was-" money,
my dear, I do not want; I have money enough
for you and myself too: I have fifty pounds a year,
which my Uncle left me; I have money out at use,
which my Father gave me, which I will call in, if
you will be married, and place you in a shop before
my time is out; for I had rather have you without a
farthing, than any other woman with five hundred
pounds." His generous offer made me indulge his
company a little while, though I could not feel in
my heart to love him; and I reasoned with him the
folly of his wishing to be married till his time was
out, as he was an apprentice to a serge maker. Af-
ter that my Mother died, which made me dead to
the world and the Sunday, I went in to hear the
minister; (Mr. Brown had asked me to go and hear
Mr. Stevens of Axminster.) His text was-Blessed
are they that weep, for they shall be comforted. I
thought he preached his sermon all to me; but the
hymn struck deep upon me-

I ask'd them how they thither came?
They with united breath

Ascrib'd the Conquest to the Lamb;
Their Victory to his death.

They mark'd the footsteps that he trod,
His zeal inspir'd their breasts;
And following their incarnate God,
Possess'd the promis'd rest.

With these hymns, and the sermon, my heart was filled with nothing but heaven, or a strong desire

205

for heaven. John Thomas came part of the way home with me, the last time I ever was in his company; for that night, when I came home, I was freed from the burden of my doubts and fears, by the powerful answer that was given to me in prayer, which is mentioned in my Fifth Book. I then bid Book adieu to the world. After that I went down into the West Country; and Mr. Rigsby made me an offer of his hand and fortune, which was sixty pounds a-year; and said, the first moment he saw me in Black Torrington church, he was deep enough in love with me to be married before he went out of it. But I refused the man, because they told me he had had a base child. All my friends were provoked with me; but I could not bear his sight, though they would persuade me it would be an advantageous match for me; but I told them, I never would be wedded to a man that was wedded to sin; nor have a man for my husband that had the devil for his father; so I left the West Country; and after I was gone Mr. Rigsby came to my Sister Page's to see me. The servant maid told him I was gone home into Devonshire. She said he turned as pale as death-" She is gone! she is gone! indeed she is gone!" I returned to my Father's; and after that he went down to the West Country to my Sister's. My Sister told my Father of Mr. Rigsby's attachment to me. My Father came home in great fury and asked me how I could refuse aman of such fortune? besides he was a handsome, genteel man; and hebelieved I was mad. I told my Father I did not like him. He in heat of anger exclaimed, I don't know what the devil thou dost like! thou shouldest have a man chalked out for thee; and if thou dost not like him he shall be blotted out again. I said a man must be of a more noble spirit than he was for a Husband for me. My Father said, he did not see any of these noble spirited men going; he had seen men of my Sister's liking; but he never saw a man of my

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liking in his life, and he was afraid he never should. It was well for him I was not married, as I was the only one that could go to his house to assist him in distress; for, though they assisted him in money, they could not go to stay with him, as I did. But here I shall leave my Father. After this I went to Sidmouth to my Brother; and Peter West paid his addresses to me. He was a young man of remarkable good character, and one I thought remarkably handsome. Here my heart began to be entangled again in love, which I dreaded. One Sunday evening after we parted I walked my room, with a war in my heart: I was thinking with myself, where is my foolish heart wandering? and was earnest in prayer that the Lord would not permit the love of the creature to draw my heart from my Creator, and that the Lord would not permit me to keep company with any man, that he had not ordained for my Husband. I prayed that that might be a sign to me that he might not be able to come to me for a month. I was answered, he should not come for a month if it was not the Will of the Lord I should have him. The next day my Brother said Peter's courtship was too hot to hold long. I said if it lasted a month it would last for ever. My Brother laughed at my words; but finding Peter came no more, he said then Peter's faith has failed hin; and some laughed, and said Peter was worse than Paul, to break off in that abrupt manner. I said I did not blaine him; for if he thought he could do better, I did not wish him to hurt himself to come to me. But two months after I met him by chance, and he then would have renewed his for mer acquaintance, and said he would never deceive me more. I told him he never should, for no man should deceive me twice; and if he thought himself better he should go to better; for I never wanted any man to hurt himself to come to me: for he was great, and I was grand, and he might raise his

5th Book

colours as high as the skies, but he must take care they did not fall down again; but he did so much, that his friends lamented that they ever persuaded him against me. me. But I refused him in answer to what was said to me in prayer; for his being absent a month was a convincing proof to me I was not to have him; but did not tell him so. He said, these upright men get if you can; but I don't know where you will find them. True I found his words; as true he did mine; for upright men are very scarce. After that, for a short time, I kept "Jee 20% company with my brother-in-law, and then went to Exeter, to the place where I was directed. But, Oh! what a scene of misery broke out there! After living some years in the house, the master of the house declared himself in love with me. No tongue can paint the horror I felt, to hear of love from a married man. I asked him how he could make a profession of religion, and talk of love to another whilst he had a wife of his own. He said his love was not sinful; it was only religious love, which no man that had such a wife as he had, that was roving after other men, could help; and told me ofmany men that he had catched her with-and now to see a mind so mild and heavenly, endowed with every virtue, no religious man could help it. I told him he should not venture in temptation's road; and if his heart was inclined to love me I would leave his house, and gave warning to go away. I went to Mr. Trimlett's to offer. He threw himself into a violent passion, and said if I would stay he never would mention his love more; but if I went, never a methodist should come into his house again; but if I would stay he would maintain the preachers, that he knew I had a great regard for, as I thought the religious men. This made me earnest in prayer, that the Lord would direct me what to do. I was answered, the Lord would direct me and protect me, nothing should harm me; but I should

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not leave the house, for he had ends unknown to me, to keep me in it. So in a state of misery in my mind I staid there some time: sometimes jealous it was a wrong spirit that ordered me to stay there. After that he took a methodist parson into Jandew his house, who declared himself a lover to the wife. in my presence, and despised her husband, and wanted to set all the children against him. This wounded me to the heart; and he himself expressed a jealousy. I thought to get the man out of the house privately, by Mr. Wesley's preachers; so that I went to put Mr. Wills out of the thoughts of his jealousy: but he threw himself in a violent passion, and upbraided me with hypocrisy. He said I was as bad as her to vindicate her: I had upbraided him with crimes he was never guilty of, in his love to me, and was going to leave the house for mentioning it; but now I upheld her in crimes she was guilty of; for he knew his wife too well, and Saunders too. His words cut me to the heart; for I knew I was concealing a much blacker crime than I had reproved in him, but thought I was the wrong person to tell him of it, as it might inflame his mind to renew his former words to me; so I left the house, and went to Musberry with my Brother. But when Mr. Westley's preachers told me that Saunders was turned out of their meetings, and Wills had taken him into his house, after I had tried by every private means to get him out of the house, by writing to his wife and daughter what infamous characters they had got on Saunders's account; and Mrs. Wills did not regard her character, and persuaded her children the same, I then wrote a letter to him, that he had a serpent in his bosom, by keeping of Saunders there. He then threw all his malice upon me; and said his wife was a virtuous prudent woman; and I was a wicked woman to make disturbance.