over her son, and of their (Mary's and Jesus's) submission, which they render you." Here you see he is supposed to submit to his grandmother Ann, as well as to be under the government of his mother Mary. I could tell you strange things, son, about the popish religion, and I intend it ere long; but for the present, I would beg of you to give me some farther account of the different cantons of your devotees. I think they were seven in number. IMP. I shall describe them to you, sir. And it would be proper to begin with the canton of drunkards, because that is the royal canton, where I keep my court; but with your good leave, I shall refer the description of it to the last.

INFID. Son, your will is your law in this particular, take whatever method your thoughts suggest as best.

IMP. Then I begin with the canton of swearers, the most foolish. and unaccountable set of people, upon the face of the earth This canton is divided into two provinces, both which are full of people in the first province dwell the false swearers, and the prophane swearers in the second.

The province of false swearers, is divided into three districts, the first of which is inhabited, by knights of the post, a set of gentry who get their living by giving evidences in causes to which they are perfect strangers. These knights commonly make their court to the c---k of arr-igns, who, they know is best capable of finding them employment. It is not a great many years since, a gentleman walking in the sessions-house, in the Old Bailey, was accosted by one of these knights with, Pray, sir, do you want a witness? Sir, I'll serve you as cheap and as well as any man." Gardiner, bishop of Winchester, formerly was a mighty protector of this order of knights and at this day our good friend, the father of the world, his worthy inquisitors, and not a few right reverend prelates, are head men in the district of false swearers. Many a good Christian, has been brought to the stake, or gallows, by their assiduity, both among papists and pagans; and more especially the former, who are far from being so honest, as the latter; and not by half so consistent.

The second district is inhabited by the mercenary swearers. This is a race, supposed to be descended from the knights of the post; and to be sure there is a great likeness betwixt the two. The mercenary swearers will buy a piece of goods for five shillings, and as soon as a buyer presents himself tells him that, "Upon his life and soul, it cost him six shillings." When he meets with another seller of the same commodity, in order to obtain a good penny-worth he shews him the goods for which he paid five shillings, and tells the stranger, that, "As he hopes to be saved, he gave no more than four and six-pence for it." The dealers in horses, drovers, and butchers, are singularly dexterous at this kind of swearing. In this district, it is a prevalent opinion,

that a man is not fit to live in the world, unless he can swear to a lie.

The third division is inhabited by the foolish swearers, a people the most remarkably stupid, of any under the government of hell; some of them are so accustomed to it from their infancy, that they do not so much as know when they swear, and are as destitute of design in the practice, as the parrot when it scolds the chambermaid, or as many good people when they say their prayers at church. Others seem to have such a low opinion of their own probity, that they imagine no one will believe what they say, unless every sentence is ushered in with an oath in the van, and confirmed by another in the rear. Gentlemen of family, fortune and fashion, are stationed in this class, and are extremely dexterous here. Nor are the officers of the fleet and army less learned, or devoid of those embellishments. The greatest part of the English officers indeed, marine and military, esteem a man not fit to carry a musket, unless he can swear an hundred oaths in a quarter of an hour, without any qualms of

conscience.

The British army so far excels in this fine art, that they can fairly curse the French off the field of battle, without ever striking a blow; so terrified are the French at the oaths of the English. Aye, father, I assure you, that this heroic practice is now so prevalent among the basest of the multitude, that I could pick you out a low-lifed boatswain, who will vie with an admiral; and a dwarfish drummer, who will swear with a lieutenant-general, for any money. Yea, I could pick you out a fellow, who cannot procure whole shoes to his feet, that yet will match any nobleman or esquire in the land at swearing. And, sir, if honour consists in being adepts here, the vilest pedlar may vie with the best of the gentry, and the very footpad may challenge a peer of the realm. The canton of swearers, is a very populous and very honourable place. Here are dukes, knights of all orders, marquisses, and earls. And a very worshipful canton it is too, for numbers of very respectable corporations, and many justices of the peace reside in it.

I have often laughed, to see a delinquent brought before a magistrate, and by him be obliged to pay two shillings for every attested oath, when the magistrate himself, had not manhood enough to maintain conversation for ten minutes, without being guilty of prophane swearing.

INFID. Pray thee, my son, what are the qualifications requisite to a justice of the peace in thy country?

IMP. Two qualifications only, sir, are requisite. The first is, that the gentleman be pretty well to live in the world, and the second, that he shall be an obsequious tool to administration. As to knowledge of the law, love to the people, regard to moral principles, and all such stuff, are altogether out of the question. I

was going to say, it is a very religious canton too, because here you may find a considerable number of reverend parsons, both papists and protestants. As for their oaths in use, they are various, as the fancy of the swearers inclines them. Some swear by heaven, others by the God of heaven; some swear by Christ, others by his blood and wounds; some by St. Peter, others by St. Paul; some by St. Mary, others by her virginity; some swear by the pope, others by his holiness, and by his infallibility; some by the life of their sovereign; some by the life of the devil, and some by their own lives. Some there are who swear by the church, others by the liturgy and mass; and some who, for want of a better epithet, swear by their own eyes and limbs.

INFID. Indeed, son, these are a set of as foolish people, as one I would wish to meet with. The devil himself would not wish them to be more foolish. One would wonder to see men of distinction, who disdain to conform to the vulgar, in other particulars, rank themselves with gipsies, and sturdy beggars, in this most abject and unmanly practice. Sensible people, and some there are still among men, do not esteem a man the more for his acres or pension, but for his virtue and good sense, and hence a swearing gipsy and a swearing gentleman are held as equally dishonourable. But no more of this, I intend not to become a moralist at this time.

IMP. I assure you, profitable as they are to me, I am ready to crack my sides with laughing, to see how foolishly they fight and brawl, curse and damn each other, and how ready they are to forward the devil's interest, notwithstanding it is to their own everlasting ruin.

The second canton is that of thieves, and a very flourishing canton it is, notwithstanding we every session send a freight over the Stygian lake,* who no more return to their native country. This canton being very extensive, is likewise divided into several lesser cantons. The first of which contains the gentlemen thieves. A very courtly, polite, and fashionable set of people. Gentlemen thieves, are such who enjoy places of honour

The author has often lamented the unhappy, and untimely end of the malefactors hung up every sessions; sometimes for things perhaps comparatively trifling, and which in themselves cannot merit so severe a punishment. It does not appear from scripture, or reason, that common theft, should be punished with the gallows, and especially when the matter stolen is of small value. Nor does it appear to be good policy to deprive society of a member, who might afterwards be useful, on account of some rash and unguarded invasion of his neighbour's property. Hang them once, their services are for ever lost to the community. If other methods were taken, villainy would be more successfully suppressed, and the members of society spared for usefulness. The British senators must needs see, that the hanging trade does not lessen the number of rogues. Nor the untimely end of one leave suitable impressions upon the minds of others. To be bound to hard labour for the space of one year, would be more ter rible than to be transported for seven, and besides, use might introduce a laborious habit, which would render stealing unnecessary. I am persuaded, that to a dissolute young man, who hates labour, to be chained to a dung-cart, or placed in some other servile station, would be more dreadful than Tyburn itself.

and trust, and are not careful of their duty to their king and country. It is observable of them, that when they are out of place, they are the greatest enemies to corruption, and the staunchest friends to liberty in the world. They are capable of Do influence but that of patriotism, so long as unprovided for; but the moment their happy stars make them placemen they forget their patriotism, drop their enmity to venality, and seek nothing so much as their own emolument, leaving the public to shift for itself. It is thought that not a few gentlemen thieves live, within an hundred miles of famous Tyburn; and some people farther think, it is great pity that solemn tree is not more frequently graced with them: but in modern times it is quite unfashionable to hang any but the little thieves. Those gentlemen having no principles, above ambition and avarice to influence them, being once in place, are capable of being more injurious to the commonwealth, each of them than an hundred highwaymen; and yet Tyburn is not honoured with a gentleman thief, above once in a century, much to the grief of real patriots.

Another class of gentlemen thieves, are our officers by sea and land, who impose upon their king and country, by false musters: and in a very peculiar manner those who make their own fortunes, (no matter whether in the East or West Indies) by the fatigue of their men, who are left to remain in their original penury: these, together with the commissaries for the army, agents for regiments, &c. are all stationed here.

The second subdivision is peopled by what we call the fashionable thieves. A prodigious populous place is this. Here dwell legions of attornies; vermin, who for five shillings worth of labour, will charge their clients near the same number of pounds; and very conscientiously take pay, for wilfully perverting and defeating a just cause. Here you may find gentlemen, who can procure witnesses to swear just as you would have them, and pack a jury that can give a clear verdict, over the belly of the most consistent evidence. Such a jury hath, ere now, saved a noble neck from the deserved cord, through the all-subduing power of money. To this famous division belong the tradesman, who will take more from an unskilful buyer, than he knows in his conscience his goods are worth: a thing very common among dealers. Also the wealthy gentleman, who, in buying will take advantage of the indigence of the seller, and pay, if he can, less than the real worth of what he buys; this practice is now so very near to universal, that tradesmen deal with one another, for the most part, as if they were all known to be rogues and cheats,

If an ingenious mechanic should die for filing a single guinea; an extravagant youth be hanged without mercy, for putting you in bodily fear, on the highway; or a vain girl in the prime of life be executed for stealing a few yards of lace; and others plunder the nation of thousands with impunity, it shows that there must be a defect somewhere.

and he is the best tradesman, that can best guard against the villainy of his neighbours.

Here dwells the careful tradesman, who, if a man once owes him five pounds, would write down five pounds ten shillings. This method is so much in vogue, that many people dare not trust their names on the trademen's books. As for my friend, Sir Roger Latepay, he has had such experience of it, that his wood is in danger. In this fashionable division, dwells the tradesman, who conscious that his own capital is expended, supports his luxury and grandeur, at the expence of his dealers; and many such there be in town and country. The avaricious farmers, manufacturers, and householders, who make their servants and mechanics, work under their usual wages, from the pretence of the deadness of trade, &c. The buyer, who is conscious of his present inability, and spends without any probable view of being hereafter able to pay, dwells in the very heart of this division; and hard by him dwells the father, who to gratify a depraved taste, squanders away his estate, to the defrauding of his wife and children. All of these, sir, are very fashionable people. The third division is that of holy thieves. That is, men whose theft is in holy things. By holy thieves, I mean unholy men, sustaining holy offices. Such is he, who enters into orders, merely for the sake of a good living. All who climb over the wall, and come not in by the door, are thieves and robbers. Thieves, because they steal the portion of the priests; for having no right to the sacerdotal function, their participation of the altar is sacrilegious theft. Robbers, because they make havoc of the church, and deprive God's children of the food allowed them by their heavenly father. Here dwell shoals of popish priests, and very considerable numbers of protestant clergy, of various denominations, as well as the total sum of pagan and mahometan mufties. His holiness the pope of Rome, is indeed president in this division, for he steals the prerogatives of God, and applies them to his own private use.

The fourth division in the canton of thieves, are those whom we call the sporting thieves. Such are card-players, cockfighters, horse-coursers, and gamblers of all sorts. I know of none of my sporting subjects, but what will win if they can, either by upright, or inequitable means. Therefore with us it is an established maxim, that the true gambler is the certain thief. Here too you may find princes, nobles, spiritual and temporal, and judges of every rank. Ha ha ha! how have I been ready to split my sides with laughing, to see an archbishop lay aside kis mitre, and take up a pack of cards; and the sacred judge after having passed sentence on a criminal, lay aside all his solemnity, and put on the sprightly sportsman. Then cried I, O the bench! O the pulpit! O the gambler.

The fifth division in the canton of thieves, is inhabited by