Midwife. Pray, your lordship, the matter is juft the thing, neither hot nor cold, savproper warmth. Go to well at basinad b.O Luther. But then, and fuppofe, and the like of that, do you mungie, as the saying is, will you have me eat as a pig, with what am I to cut up the haggis? Jackanapes, why don't you lay the cloth and put the bowl, with plates, knife, fork and bread, as is ufual? You know I am particularly fond of a Scotch haggis. Hoft. My lord, you are under a mistakes you ftand not in need of either plate, knife, fork or bread. A napkin under your chin, I grant, may be proper, to prevent drivelling on the bed. Midwife. Ihall be careful to catch the drivel, my lord, fo that your bed will receive none of its contents. Luther. Are you mad or drunk, Nincomnoddy? how dare you bring hither an old BedJamite to produce from the royal philofophers of this our enlightened age and northern hemi fphere one of the moft delicious haggefes my eyes ever beheld, and yet will not prepare the table for my meal, as ufual. I have a great mind, Sirrah, but am a prieft, and muft not give fcandal. My zeal is unfurmountable. 1 Hoft. My lord, you mistake; the compofis tion is not a hagges; it is a clyfter, to be ad miniftered, as the faying is, or the like of that. Midwife. My lord, there is no longer time to parley; now or never, as the old women fay Lutber: Ninny hammer, you have thrown the lawyer into this old woman, to evade sour agreement, according to your folemn promife, guid 1 to to pass receipts and bear my expences and perfoo, living or dead, until I arrive fafe in good Old England, in lieu of which you fofter an old witch, with gim-cum-crack, that cannot be banquetted upon, tantalizing without fruit. I fhall take no ftep until the agreement is figned, the quicker the better; for I will not promise that fhall not lofe my wind, and then you look to it See what a navel you have made me with your cat's head. མ་ས་ Hoft. My Lord Bishop, I beg you will prop and poize yourself in a proper attitude on your quadrupedes, fo that Mother Midnight, I beg ten thousand pardons, Mrs. Mid-cap, Nightcap what numberless mistakes man is fubject to among the number I ftand foremost. Madam, lay the cloth fecure. Midwife. All things are now ready for administration. Pray, my lord, endeavour to rouze yourself, that you may be placed in a favour able and polite state, that The postern exhibit its native drefs, 1999 And be delivered from fuch a pest. 100 Jium bas Com2 Foo Hoft All things in our concerns shall be settled by the lawyer as foon as the operation or onfet is over and a calm enfue.nd o ron al nois Luther Bear teftimony, Mother Midnight, om Night cap, that the Hoft and now pafs receipts,niowfull, from the creation, and that he will discharge your bill, and all and every bill, note, account, and expence, already, or may hereafter be incurred for any matter, caule, or P 3 thing thing whatsoever and wherefoever, docal or ges neral, from the commencemeut of my travels, breaking ground from England, until my fafe arrival, living or dead, to my native and wellbeloved country; and according to these prefents we, Hoft and Luther do interchangeably and with mutual and good fellowship of our and each of our free, cordial, and voluntary will, in this present year 785. So bel it, oF the like of that. Now do your will, when the Hoft has agreed. * ° Midwife. I know not your family connection but, to all appearance, the poor man findscit hard to fcuffle through life, with two naked hands, a wife, and fix children. I will only put this fimple queftion. Is it confcientious, that a poor man that can scarce keep foul and body together, fhould bear the heavy charges of a travelling Lord, and a Bishop forfooth? Aye, marry, fo we will, and a thankey, ha, ha, ha. Hoft. My account against is here stated, with my receipt in full, provided you receive the clyfter, and when delivered, quit my houfe; either accept or reject. Luther. And pay my paffage and expences to England, Midwife. I fhall fplit my old fides, laughing at the miserly poverty of the old Bishop, who Thould fix his thoughts on his grave, and not in other mens pockets. For fhame; fie upon it, ha, ha, ha. Visan diomated (band Luther. But then, and fuppofe, and the like of that, as the faying is, do you mungey and „gatissiq zi douw noualitas as I was going to fay, Nincompoop, ninny hammer, fiddle-dee, dee. Hoft. Let it be fo; I will bear you harmless to England, provided you fail in the next packet. Midwife. My patience is worn out at fo much mifery under a Bishop's garb. I pity the wretch that is under your roof, or subject to your mean, low, niggardly, covetous, and fordid will, however, I will act the chriftian part, turn up topfey-turvy, bottom up; you are big enough to run away with the gates of the city, as Sampfon. Old Hoge is not fo unwieldy but he can, upon an emergency, reft upon all-fours. Bring hither, Mr. Hoft, the bag-pipe and bowl, and, if you please, to lend a hand; bring the receiver near. I fuppofe a large eruption, according to appearances, will burft forth; give me that fafeguard, for fear a mif-hap, as I put on my best bib and tucker, and Sunday gown to appear in the prefence of his lordship. Remove shirt, that master may display the most tremendous face; the delivery is forward, quick, put the cloth clofe under its chin. Haft. Bod-dy-kins, one foot of the raven, or Mufcovy drake, is out; a happy omen, harbinger of a plentiful and rich harvest. Midwife. Your furmife is erroneous; the matter, whatever it may be, is a fixture, reprefenting five fhanks or fingers, (1 fuppofe the mother longed for fome favourite or fweetheart's hand) that is most likely. iLutber. They are plefant to the feel. I often Efpend an idle hour in play with them, it caufes za titilation which is pleafing, P 4 Midwife. Midwife. Now ftand to your tackle, old Harry, have-at-you, I will drive it home, chock and block, and belay; I warrant you a quart of excellent fauce; your bufinefs is an fwered, I will be bound, neck or nothing; Old Nick hates cripples, therefore you fee what an. old woman can do. 1 Hoft. Here it comes, thick and threefold, nothing but brains. I understood the brains belonged to the head; but I find the reverfe of the new philofophers of our enlightened age and northern hemifphere are in their fundament. This accounts for the new, philofophy of this our enlightened age and northern hemisphere. Indeed, Mad dogs they are, puppies of the age, and 44 2543 Midwife. Here are brains enough to enlighten. an army of philofophers, if they fed as hearty as what old rafcal Voltaire. See here, Hoft, what a phenomenon, and the most wonderful fight, a crab for all the world, there is her legs complete, with the mouth champing in the centre, frothing and vomitting out its brains. paneidw JW H Hoft. Or new philofophical God, of this our enlightened age and northern hemifphere, the face is dreadful, and if one may pass his verdict, this beaft has fuffered the rigour and unsted a godlid way oda gribasfabashed, |