42 A CHAPTER ON NOODLEISM. animal, we must give a slight idea of its description. The genuine Noodle is generally found to have considerable length of ear; yet although he have indubitable ears, the full grown noodle hears not; neither doth he understand how to draw the most obvious inference from the best attested facts. There is a striking resemblance in the noodle to the jelly-fish; for "amongst other organs," as has been observed of the latter, "these creatures possess eyes, or at any rate, parts that look like a first rude attempt at the manufacture of these organs;" yet are they blind to every kind of truth which does not square with their own narrow and preconceived notions. There is a division in the family of the noodles, by far the greater portion being capable of hoodwinking each other; and thus, when two or more noodles chance to meet, they contrive to entirely shut out from their minds what little light nature may have endowed them with. What strange and wondrous changes we see in the creatures! They are, in fact, like the chameleon, ever changing their hues, or, like the snake, ever casting their skins. Fancy a donkey with a number of little donkeys sprouting from his shoulders and thighs, bunches of long-eared monsters hanging epaulettefashion from his flanks in every stage of advancement, from the mere griffin or green-horn to the perfect old ass. Here a young spooney, almost amorphous, there one more advanced, yet exhibiting neither eyes nor ears for any thing like common sense, clinging to the right arm of a Johnny Raw, better grown, and striving to get away, but his tail not sufficiently organized to permit of liberty and free action. It is true, that although the species are very numerous, the noodle is very minute in mind, having scarcely any capacity for the comprehension of natural facts. But let us not be unjust: "although the multitude, being muddle-headed, love magnitude, the philosopher does not estimate a whale above a minnow for his mere bigness," as Professor Forbes observes; neither, let us add, do we esteem a huge numskull above a diminutive ninny. As to the haunts of the animal under consideration, they are extremely numerous, scarcely any public office or place of general resort escaping their presence. But they are always to be met with, and sometimes very perfect specimens to be found in the offices of the newspapers and other periodicals throughout the kingdom; and we have known instances of several being observed among the contributors and penny-a-liners, and are credibly informed that they not unfrequently crawl up into the chairs of the editors of some papers, which shall be nameless. We heard the other day that the proprietor of the Weekly Dispatch had been seen ejecting a specimen from his editorial bureau A CHAPTER ON NOODLEISM. 43 by the only process known to succeed effectually with the troublesome creature, viz. by applying the point of his dexter great toe to a certain unspeakable part of the brute. We hope, for the honour of the press, the report may be well founded. We must now introduce our readers to a very amusing specimen of the genus noodle, which appears to belong to a class that has been named cephalokena, or "empty-headed," from the extremely minute quantity of brain discovered in the animal. This creature we thought we observed writing in the columns of the Athenæum some time ago; but, as we had never noticed any decided symptoms of having been bitten by these vermin on the part of the editor, we paid little attention to the circumstance. Recently, however, the editor gave tongue in a very suspicious tone; but yet he spoke out in a manly way, quite foreign to the style of the genuine noodle. Thus, in his paper of December 16, 1848, he observes, touching his intention to write down astrology (a task, by the by, that any noodle would undertake at a moment's warning), "constant dropping wears away stones, and constant comment evaporates an absurdity. We shall go on till we have shamed the Stationers' Company, the Astrologers' College of our day." This was all very well, and might be considered a fair declaration of war; but, lo! in the number of the following week, Dec. 23, the Editor's tactics are set aside by a full grown "empty head;" who, in the true spirit of the noodle, accustomed to the difficult task of catching a weasel asleep, actually endeavours to coax the Stationers' Company into the abandonment of their astrological almanac. Had Shakespear lived in our day, and read this clever proposal, he would, no doubt, have exclaimed in his terse way, "very like a whale!" Yes, this creature proposes to the Stationers' Company, in the event of their not being frightened into compliance by the Editor, that they should give up "Old Moore."" I do not think," observes the noodle, no doubt with great truth, for think he assuredly cannot "I do not think its proprietors would sell one copy the less for scratching" Vox Stellarum" from its title-page in years to come, and omitting the "Astrological Observations." Now we are, of course, perfectly disinterested in our hope that the Company will take this advice. True; they might find the sale of "Old Moore" fall off some two hundred and fifty thousand, and we might be compelled to print some two hundred thousand more than we do; but, if the Company choose to follow the noodle's advice, we can have no possible objection. It is of course to be supposed that, in this case, Zadkiel's Almanac would cease to be read; and so astrology would be regularly done for. The thing that penned the above piece of 44 ESSAYS ON THE DRAMA. cajolery is very sanguine in its expectations; for it exclaims, "O Zadkiel! take rope enough, and we may hope, ere long, to see thy yearly prophecy suspended." We have taken "rope enough," we trust, to hang up this particular noodle as an object to excite the laughter of our readers; and we promise them to bind the long ears of the innocent to the altar, and sacrifice it to gratify the scorn of the public, whenever the editor of the Athenæum permits it to write for his columns. We mistake much if we do not eventually, to use the Editor's phrase, "evaporate the absurdity." The creature has no name, but, may be, will become known henceforth as the "Empty Head." It adopts the signature of H. M.; and as it pretends to be a Latin scholar, we may presume that these are the initials of Habet Mendacium, which, perhaps, it will render "Mendacious Harry:" some relation, probably, to a certain well known "Old Harry;" or, it may be, Harry B-m himself, whose nativity we published some years ago, and, having foretold his sudden downfall, have never been forgiven. Before we conclude this chapter, we must mention a notable fact connected with the habits of the genus noodle; which is, that the creature is often found to have crossed the breed with the British verbero, or scamp. This class of mixed animals has several orders; but although the principal one, the Bimana, or two-handed noodle-scamps, are remarkable for the resemblance they bear to the human race, they are, however, different in many peculiarities of make from honest men, so as to shew that the one race is quite distinct from the other. This order is, indeed, closely allied to the class of Reptilia; and very dangerous reptiles they would become, if it were not that their true position is known to be among the order of those animals termed the Cephalokenophonia; so called, from their heads issuing forth noise without meaning. They are to be found in the offices of some periodicals which profess to deal in wit and humour, which is now degenerated to mere kenophonia, or senseless cackle. ESSAYS ON THE DRAMA. By CLARA SEYTON. No. I. It has been justly said that the origin of the drama must be sought for in that powerful agent in human nature, the love of imitation: hence, in our efforts to trace its rise, the mind must ESSAYS ON THE DRAMA. 45 be directed to periods the most remote, when civilization had not visited the abodes of man. The rude war-dance, indicating a species of entertainment where the performers formed an exhibition for the amusement of the spectators, has always existed among savage tribes, forming with them the rites of their religion, and which is found to prevail in the early history of all nations. As representations of this rude nature increased in proportion as religious ceremonies advanced, imitative exhibitions became more extensive, and finally constituted that which, in a strict sense, may be denominated dramatic performance. These rites and ceremonies, originating when man was in a rude and barbarous state, are still performed with many nations; for even to this day, at the celebration of various festivals, exhibitions are brought forward of a religious kind, which represent with more or less accuracy the chief particulars of the event about to be commemorated: in short, the elements of the dramatic art have existed among all nations; and every country which has made any progress in civilization has, at the same time, developed this art. As mankind progressed in knowledge, the drama assumed in its character a form differing from mythological representation. Greece, distinguished beyond all other ancient states for the advance of those arts which lead to the cultivation of science and philosophy, is the country to which we must look for the rise and progress of the regular drama; but although Homer had sung with great beauty the conflict of the Trojan war, and Hesiod had breathed forth in immortal song the enjoyments of rural life, yet centuries elapsed before the people of ancient Greece had established the old Greek comedy, and which principally consisted of dramatic songs and dancing. The contents of these songs were mirthful, ludicrous, and too often indecorous. The term comedy signifies village song, but the original meaning has been much altered. To Susarion, who flourished 580 years before the Christian era, the Greeks were indebted for the first regular comic drama. Thespis (of whom we know little more than the name, retained by his descendants, the children of the sock and buckskin, at the present day) was contemporary with Susarion, and added to the interest created by the choral songs, in introducing an actor whose office it was to recite, during the pauses of the singing, verses in honour of Hercules, Theseus, or some other hero of antiquity. The face of the actor was daubed with wine lees, and the simple paraphernalia necessary to the exhibition were conveyed from place to place in a wagon, somewhat 46 ESSAYS ON THE DRAMA. after the fashion of our travelling showmen who frequent the public fairs: with this rude structure on a moveable stage Susarion and Thespis held up to ridicule the vices and follies of their age. At the end of the Peloponnesian war it was strictly prohibited to bring living persons by name on the stage, or to ridicule the government. And a proof of the power of the drama over the human mind at that period may be deduced from the fact, that the comedies of Aristophanes influenced the Greeks in their decree of death to the great philosopher Socrates. Aristophanes, the most popular, and at the same time the most severely satirical, of the Greek dramatists, in his writings held Socrates, his doctrines, and the philosophy of his school, up to the severest ridicule, which, it is said, tended much to alienate the minds of the ever-changing multitude from their great sage. By degrees tragedy became a distinct branch of the art, and its graver scenes served as an entertainment for the inhabitants of cities, whilst comedy retained its gay character, and chiefly served to amuse the country people of Greece. Regular companies of comedians were, at length, established at Atticus, being tolerated by the government. The old comedy of the Greeks was thoroughly national, with something of a political tendency the middle comedy, so called, now began to appear. The oligarchy of that period, writhing under the lash of keen satire, having forbidden the representation of living persons on the stage, the chorus, chief instrument of vituperation, was abolished, and general character represented by masks, not imitating the countenances of particular individuals. Thus, out of the fears of the great men of that day, arose comparative decorum in the compositions of the drama. The names of Menander and Philemon immortalize the new school of Greek comedy. The first of these great men wrote about 300 years before the Christian era. The power of his transcendant wit, the regularity of his pieces, and the greatness of his mind, formed a new era for the Greek stage. Unfortunately only a few of his works remain to us, although he wrote upwards of one hundred comedies. His ideas were considered so delicate and pure, that his writings were placed in the hands of the youth of both sexes. Among the fragments of the works of this great poet which have come down to us, the following, entitled "Worship due to the Deity," gives a beautiful proof how far his soul was influenced by strains of the highest sublimity: "Serve, then, the Great First Cause wherever nature springs, Who gave us being, and who gives us food, Lord of all life, and Giver of all good." |