pulent Grocer's nafal promontory, which, in a moment, fuffufed with fanguinary streams, his plenilunar refplendent countenance, and tarnished gold-laced waistcoat.

"Ferocious inftillations of difcord were

now transfused by a rapid diffemination through the bofoms of the convivial and hitherto pacifick compotators. The Grocer debilitated by the imbecility and decrepitude of age, and the exercitation of his priftine bruifing powers having been long reftrained by the unwieldinefs of corpulency, fuccumbed under the furies of force with the liftleffnefs of languor and defpondency of inferiority. But a Foe to Cattle, tho' a friend to a Grocer, and of equal celebrity for patriotick principles and liberal exhibition of pofterior vociferation, challenged and attacked the twolegged Confumer of Oats. Nor wanted. either Butcher or Consumer, Friends, Allies and Confederates. The former was affifted by the auxiliar virtues and fubfidiary aids of patriots, anterior eructators, and pofterior vociferators; and the the latter by courtiers,

f

2

courtiers, his fellow confumers of Oats, and joint muficians on the Caledonian violoncello. Entirely inefficacious and totally fruftraneous were all the mediatory interceffions and reconciliatory interpofitions of myself, and the fentimental Hibernian, for a suspension of hoftilities, and a general pacification. Finding the hearts of the antagonists irremediably exacerbated with the corrofion of hatred, and reciprocation of mifchief and reproaches, we concluded to repofe in the shades of neutrality, and avoid a fortuitous percuffion under the shelter of distance.

"Thus a combat royal enfued, a circulatory war commenced. Various were the changes, viciffitudes and perplexities from the mutability of fortune, and victory long hung doubtful in the trepidations of the balance and fluctuations of uncertainty*. At laft, by the fortuitous fupervention and. fpontaneous intervention of the bard, in whom conftellated † with equal luftre all. bruifing and poetical powers, who fatiated

*Ramb. No. 295.

C 6

Kamb, No. 201. of

of his fufceptible nymph, had juft made a relinquifhment, the patriotick fifts became preponderant. And now had a total difcomfiture of the rifible Oat-confumers enfued, had not the Caledonian who began the civil difcord, and inteftine conflagrati alarmed two Highland militants then quartered in the Caravanferay by his idiomatical vociferation. Is there nae help here for poor Scotland? bauled he out with reiterated efforts. At laft the variegated militants appeared, making flaming circulatory irradiations with their brandished broad fwords, and emitting terrible facramental denounciations of mortal purpose, of inftant vengeance, death and deftruction. The combatants immediately furceafed, and the Grocer, all terror-ftruck with the dreadful exhibition, occumbed in a fwoon. Our olfactory powers were now overcome by the odoriferous fteams that iffued from him in a moft exuberant effufion, and afforded us a conjectural glimpfe of what had been tranfacted under his fe

Ramb. No. 169.

moral

moral habiliments. A parley then ensued between the Murtherer of Bullocks and Confumer of Oats, and preliminary articles for an amicable congrefs were finally adjusted. The Foe to Cattle obtefted that he entertained no antipathy to the Caledonian emigrant or his country; and the two-legged Confumer of Oats deprecated forgiveness for affaulting his convivial affociate the Grocer, and above all, for infringing the Claim of Rights, the Magna Charta of all true-born Englishmen, with refpect to the liberal, publick and unreftrained exhibition of their powers of anterior eructation and pofterior vociferation; and promised with all the folemnity of ftipulation, that he would never offend in a point of that tender and delicate concernment for the future,

"Thus a perfect harmony, and general tranquillity were happily reftored. And a lafting and permanent pacification, of which the learned Hibernian and myself had been the mediators, and were now the Guarantees, was finally concluded, on terms by which the refpective honours and inter

efts

efts of the belligerant powers were equally confulted. A reciprocal and most amicable intermixture and conquaffation of hands, with the moft refpectful profeffions in the most fonorous periods of everlasting amity, paft now between the Cow-killer and Oat-meal-eater. They vociferated for fupernumerary pots of porter, with all the ardour of impatience, which were introduced and evacuated with all the filent celerity of timet. Finally, of this civil commotion, this national diffention, no confequential traces remained, but excremental effufions in the Grocer's femoral habiliments, cerulean fanguinary fuffufions all around the Caledonian's luminaries,, and a pruriginous, herpetical and incurable eruption of puftules in the digitary interftices, and over the brachial regions which the Murtherer of Bullocks had contracted by too frequent, prolonged and intimate contact with the corresponding members of his novel confederate and con

*Ramb. No. 109.

+ Ramb. No. 2.