up on his posteriors, and at last dejected me with a headlong precipitation into a muddy ditch, and then, with an incredible acceleration of velocity, vertiginated along the arable, impregnated with a grain, which in England feeds the horses, but in Scotland fupports the people*. Annihilation and existence were now fo nearly equiponderant, that they lay in the trepi

*The above is the definition given of oats by Lexiphanes in his very facetious dictionary, and is, no doubt, intended by him for a farcafm against the Scotch; a people he is faid to hold in high contempt, and, in my opinion, very justly too, for most of them, I have been told, are his great admirers, and fo much his very humble fervants, that they think it even an honour to be abused by him. For my own part, the more I ftudy this exalted genius, the more I am forced to admire him. For instance, one should naturally expect wit and humour in periodical Effays, Novels, and Romances; but read his Ramblers and Raffelas, you meet with nothing like it, nothing but what he calleth, ftern philofophy, dolorous declamation, and dictatorial inftruction: whereas confult his dictionary, and there you have it with a vengeance. In fhort, he is author of the firft witty dictionary that ever was heard of. This, however, is not all. Befides being witty and facetious, 'tis alfo national, perfonal, political, and patriotical; in a word, every thing but what it ought to be. For proof of which, befide the aforefaid article of oats, confult his definitions of Excife, Favourite, Gazetteer, Penfion, Penfioner, Revolution, &c.

dations

dations of the balance. I rifqued a subaqueous voyage*, a total interruption of reciprocal respiration, a † comminution of life, in a curt, a forisfamiliation out of the univerfe. But our poet's powers of commiferation being aroused at such a compaffionable object as I then exhibited, fuffered not his ardour for a reciprocation of pleasures and multiplying stipulations to preponderate over his feelings of humanity. He hied with all the ardour of folicitude to deliver me from thofe ftagnated waters of collected impurity, where a frigorifick torpor had already begun to encroach on my veins. He ftoop'd fublimes, and at laft reinftated me, and when my powers of obfervation were refufcitated, exhibited an unusual appearance to my view. A ruddy plenilunar refplendent countenance, a vigorous athletick herculean form, arrayed in a rusty black coat, and dirty buck-fkin breeches. Senfible of the univerfality of

*Ram. No. 109.

Ram. No. 108. Elem. of Criticism.

See Nouradin, the merchant's, dying addrefs to

bis fon Almamoulin. Ramb. Vol. 3. p. 80.

Pleaf. Imag. B. 2. L. 268.

the cause of my prefent infelicities, I rouf ed up all my particular powers of dolorous declamation, and warbled my groans with uncommon elegance and energy*. I éffused the following ejaculation against the whole fpecies of nymphs who enjoy a perpetual fufceptibility of occafional delight†.

"May Lais, Thais, Limas, Lupa, Succuba, Quadrantaria, Obolaria, Euriole, Sthenio, Medufa, Erinnys, Megæra and Tyfiphone-May all these, and all fuch ladies, whether fick or found, high or low, of blood and title, or ditch and dunghill, natives, foreign or infernal-May this glorious group of Torrifmond's angels, these Gorgons, furies, harpies, leaches, Syrens, centaur-making Syrens! paid or unpaid, keeping or kept, on fire or quenched, genevaed or citroned, in clofet or cellar, in tavern, bagnio, brothel, roundhouse, Bridewell, or Newgate.-Oh may they ceafe, from this hour to fing or dance, fmile or frown, please or plague, pray or fwear, our British, unbritish youth, manhood or age, out of their fenfes, *Ramb. No. 109.

Ramb. No. 111.

health,

health, eftates, reputation, human nature, and hopes of heaven!

"And these enchantreffes laying afide their spells, may the bewitched of GreatBritain recover their priftine form, as Circe's herd, at the prayer of Ulyffes. At the touch of my difenchanting pen, may they leap out of their hides for joy; and laying hold on their long-deferted definition of man, reafon and two legs, walk uprightly for the future.

cr

Rejoice with me, my friend! for do I dream, or didst thou not observe? Didst thou not hear? Intonuit lævum. As the dark cloud which caufed it is vanished, and a flood of light rushes in; fo fhall it fare with thee; I fee thy dawning reafon, I fee the break of my moral day. And what I fee, I fhall relate; and what I relate, tho' ftrange, let no man disbelieve*.

66

Concluding thus my ejaculation, the

bard rejoined.

Ah! what, my friend, has private life to do With things of public nature? Why to view

This rant of inimitable nonfenfe, contained in the above three paragraphs, is taken word for word from a celebrated modern. Vid. Centaur not fabulous. Would

C 2

Would you,thus cruellythofe fcenes unfold, Which without pain and horror to behold, Muft either speak me more or less than man; Which friends may pardon, but I never can§.

"Having thus reciprocally rhapfodized, we difparted. The bard retired behind the umbrageous hedge, finally to accomplish his interrupted repercuffions of communicated pleafures. As for myfelf, I was compelled to ambulate to Highgate, in order to evaporate the humidity of my habiliments, and contemper the malignity of frigorifick torpor with culinary irradiations. The Carevanferay to which my erratick steps were accidentally conducted, was the `emblematical fign of fecundity and confequential cuckoldom at Highgate. There, according to the wonted modes and formaHities of the manfion, I became obligated by a double facramental ftipulation in the first place, never to imbibe small beer, whilft I could acquire convival ale, unless the former were endued with higher powers of fenfitive gratification. In the next place, § Vid. Churchill's Conference. Ramb. No. 148.