ery, she ordered the nurse to take it away, for her nerves were torn with its abominable squalling. Soon after, the Rev. Francis Halliday and his lady arrived, their vehicle of conveyance being a common cart; their cushions-sacks stuffed with straw, and their carpet clean dry hay: Mrs Halliday was a tall, masculine-looking woman, very plainly dressed, and, both in personal appearance and apparel, forming a striking contrast to Mrs Baxter, who was dressed in the extreme of the fashion. In a few minutes we sat down to dinner, our attendant being a woman on the wrong side of forty, blind of an eye, and her face not only pitted, but scared and seamed by the small-pox. The table displayed dishes and delicacies, as I thought, unsuitable to the income of a country clergyman, while we were teased with apologies about the poorness of our entertainment, uttered with a languor which seemed to come from the lips of some delicate fair in the last stage of a consumption, rather than those of the Dutch-built vrow at the head of the table. "The dinner'is excellent, and I shall do it justice," said Mrs Halliday, "for my ride has given me a good appetite." "For which I envy you," replied the fine lady; "I am sure, had I rode a mile in such a vehicle, my nerves would have been all shattered; I should never have recovered the shock." "All want of custom, and too little exercise," said the other. "In this rural paradise, with your cows, dairy, and poultry, and the fine scenery for walking, you might get as rich as Jews, and healthy as a milk-maid, Mrs Baxter." "Ah! I wish I could encounter all that; when I walk out with Mr Baxter, I am deaved with the lowing of cows,-the cackling of poultry tear my nerves at home,-the dairy is too fatiguing for me,-I am compelled to go to the kitchen, Nelly is so awkward,-and my maternal feelings oblige me to visit the nursery; so that you see I am fatigued with exertion." Tom, her first born, was seated at table, and she was constantly checking him for some impropriety. "Tommy, my dear, hold your knife rightdon't bawl so for what you wantsee what a cloth you are making!" and many other equally important injunctions. After the cloth was removed, the two parsons resumed their old argument about the innate propensities of genius, over their wine, each tenaciously adhering to his early opinions. We then went out to have a walk in the garden. Mrs Halliday requested Mrs Baxter to shew her the cows, and inquired how many pigs she kept?" Oh! do not mention the detestable brutes,you make me sick with the thought, -I should faint at the sight of them." I happened to mention an acquaintance about whom Mr Halliday was interested, and he requested that I would call on him when in town, that we might talk over the subject. After tea, the parson and his wife departed, seated beside each other in the cart. "My gracious! how vulgar," exclaimed Mrs Baxter, "to see the minister and his lady in a dung cart! but I suppose she still thinks herself on her father's farm; for she can talk of nothing but cows, pigs, and poultry: faugh! I have been told that the parson married her for money; and if so, he is rightly served; for she is neither qualified to be his companion, nor to give dignity to his vocation." 66 On our way home, my mother, smiling, said, "Well, do you find Mrs Baxter much improved since you last saw her?" She is so changed that I could hardly believe her the same woman." Ay, she is indeed changed, and that the poor man, her husband, feels every hour of his life: she affects the fine airs and foibles of a lady of fashion; is proud as a duchess, and, with all her pretensions to delicacy and susceptible nerves, is a gross sensualist; indolent in the extreme, and yet a slave to her passions. Her fondness for her husband, whether real or affected, makes him miserable. He is a popular preacher, and often called out on sacramental occasions; but as she always insists on accompanying him, and is too proud to ride in his own cart, she has compelled him to purchase a fine phaeton and splendid harness. When appointed to represent the Presbytery in the General Assembly, she went with him, and with difficulty he obtained her consent to dine for one day at the Commissioner's table, and she was in hysterics before he came in; he was obliged every day after to come home the moment the Assembly left St. Giles's, and either take her out, or sit, tied to her apron-string, during the evening. He is fond of walking, to admire and contemplate the beauties of Nature, for which the scenery around the manse is well adapted; but he dares not stir beyond the garden, without her by his side. She is too indolent to rise in the morning; but at breakfast she will examine his shoes, to find whether the mud which adheres to them may betray that he has been beyond his limits; she keeps no female servant of more attractive features than the woman who attended us at dinner. In a word, with his small stipend, her nameless caprices, vanity, fantastic follies and extravagance, the good man is utterly deprived of domestic happiness, for he is plunged in debt over head and ears. I have heard that their marriage was the result of first love, contracted when he was at College, before he knew the world; if so, he has paid for his romantic folly." Agreeably to my promise, when in town I called on Mr Halliday, when the door was opened by a maid-servant, half naked, and up to the elbows in soap-suds. She conducted me to the garden, informing me the minister was there. As I passed through the back court, I was fiercely attacked by a brood-hen, surrounded by her chickens; as I staggered to one side to avoid her attack, and afraid of trampling on her chirping brood, which were fluttering about my legs, I landed my foot over the shoe in a dunghill, which I soon perceived lay close to the cowhouse, while the maternal screams of this feathered mother alarmed a sow with a numerous progeny, whose stye flanked the other side of the court, as a counterpart to the cow-house; proceeding, I next frightened a covey of ducks and ducklings, swimming in a wooden trough in front of a pump well, and in their fluttering retreat they besprinkled my clothes and face with a liberal effusion of the foul and filthy element. On entering the garden, I found the parson digging potatoes; the earth was wet, and he was in mud over the knuckles; however, after rubbing his hands on the grass, and then wiping them with a handkerchief, which seemed to have been long in use, he extended a horny fist, like that of a ploughman, to bid me welcome, making an awkward apology that the maid was washing, and as he was fond of potatoes, he came out to dig a few for dinner. I had now an opportunity of observing his dress, every part of which appeared to have seen much service; the crown of his hat had fallen in, and the brim in some places pointed to the zenith, and in others to the nadir; his rusty black coat was out at elbows, and also fringed at the wrists; his vest, from a paucity of buttons, betrayed the secret that his linen was ready for the girl who had acted as porter to me; from some parts of his small-clothes, I perceived they had once been cotton velvet, but the knees and upper parts of the thighs exhibited a lustre which might almost have rivalled Day and Martin's blacking, had it then been invented; his stockings were a mixture of black and white worsted, the heels having been repeatedly darned with divers colours, of which white was predominant, still, from more than one hiatus, the skin was visible; of his shoes I shall only say, they were in keeping with his general costume. On entering the parlour, we found it filled with screens covered with wet linen, and he led me to his study: there we found three or four children clambering on chairs around a large atlas on the table. One was daubing it with gamboge, another pricking it with pins, and a third shading the indentations of land and water with black lead, or defacing them with chalk. I observed the father's face colour; however, he said nothing, but turned out the urchins, and laid the atlas aside. Our interview was long, for the minister had much to inquire; he invited me to stay dinner, which I declined; but he insisted till I complied, lest my obstinacy should give offence. Mrs Halliday now appeared in a very plain dress, and not overclean, and her husband took the opportunity of equipping himself a little more in character. As this was a "chance dinner," it would be invidious to make observations, more especially as Mrs H. lamented that my coming to take pot-luck should have happened on washing-day; I shall therefore only observe, that the dinner was like what I afterwards found the minister's sermons to be, formed of good material, but spoiled in the cooking. I now discovered that this worthy couple both earned the bread they ate; for as I had seen the hus band digging his dinner from the bowels of the earth, so his helpmate's hands now exhibited proof that they had been actively employed in the washing-tub. Instantly on the cloth being removed, the thrifty housewife made some apology for leaving us, and withdrew to resume her labours. As we sat over a jug of whisky toddy, it came to rain heavily, and continued through the afternoon sans intermission. Before tea, in addition to the rain, The wind blew as 'twould blawn its last; the big drops rattled furiously on the windows, their sashes clattering in the frames. The sun was now set, and the parson facetiously observed, that" it was an ill wind that blew naebody good," for he should have the pleasure of my company for the evening, as it was impossible I could go home. As my proposal of going to sleep at the inn would have implied dissatisfaction with my present quarters, I made some apology for the trouble, and agreed to stay; but I soon regretted my consent, for the good lady's countenance changed at my ready acquiescence. The tea was finished, and she went down stairs, where her voice soon rose in no gentle tones; the rain rattled, and the tempest bellowed, but the ebullition from her lungs rose above both; and this din was still farther increased by the screaming of the children, altogether forming a loud, but most unharmonious concert. The minister looked awkward and uneasy, and at last rung the bell, ordering a fire to be lighted in the study, as the night was cold. Mrs H. now burst into the room, in great alarm, crying, that one of the cows was swollen with wet clover, and lying in the field un VOL. XV. able to rise. Although her countenance plainly said, " Get up, gudeman-save crummie's life, An' tak' your auld cloak about you, he replied, "Well, what can I do? send for David Purdie-I'll not go out.' The lady's face expressed resentment at this declaration, and she flung out, slamming the door behind her. I expressed my surprise that he should trouble himself with cows, having no glebe. He replied, that Mrs H. being from the country, had teased him into taking a few acres of land; but that he found it more plague than profit, although she found much pleasure in these rural cares. In a word, I discovered from his conversation, and what I had observed, that both were worldlyminded; but that she rather outdid him, and, according to the proverb, the grey mare was the better horse in his family. We adjourned to the study, where the fire, in the inflated language of Hervey, mocked our wishes, rather than warmed our limbs ; and a very small dipped candle diffused a dim, religious light." This I saw was the usual economy of the house; but the parson ordered an addition to the one, and an exchange of the other. Tidings now arrived that the cow was dead. It was not perhaps possible for a woman of Mrs H.'s disposition to bear such a loss with equanimity; and a scene now took place between her and her husband which did honour to neither. The evening passed heavily, and we retired at an early hour, which I found was the practice in the family. The howling tempest soon lulled me asleep, and a noise in the kitchen below awoke me by day-light. The morning was serene, and the sun just emerging from the sea; I opened my window, to inhale a little fresh air, but was saluted with an odour more powerful than pleasant, which I soon discovered proceeded from the cow-house and pig-stye, in the court under my window, which I hastily closed. I had sat only a few minutes, when a horrible uproar of grunting and squeaking assailed my ears. Peeping from behind the windowcurtain, I beheld the thrifty lady of the mansion in a dishabille which I F cannot describe; her cap did not rival the lily, and her matted locks hung in disorder about her ears; her arms were bare to above the elbows; a petticoat, which seemed a stranger to the washing-tub, by its scanty longitude displayed a considerable portion of a brawny limb; she was slip-shod, and in the act of administering a pail of slops to the bristly fraternity in the stye; and plunging her arms into the pail, she stirred the mixture, before tumbling it into their trough, and then looked at the squeaking tribe with much complacency. Retiring, she in a minute or two returned with a large basin of offals, and calling out, "chuck, chuck!" soon collected a cackling and quacking throng around her, to all of which she distributed their morning dole, with her hand, from the basin. Never had I seen a female in respectable life in a dress, attitude, and employment, less at tractive; and as soon as the minister appeared, I took my departure, resisting every entreaty to stay breakfast. At home, I could not help contrasting the lady I had just left with Mrs Baxter; for never had I seen two women about equal age, and in similar situations in life, more unlike each other in their habits and manners. Ay," said my father, "the parsons have both some peculiar notions, and are very different characters; both marriages, I be lieve, were the result of theories formed in carly life, and both are unhappy." I wish, for their sakes and that of their children, that I could wind up my story, by saying that they had been more fortunate in their respective theories concerning genius; but, alas! both were doomed by experience to see the futility of their speculations. Andrew Baxter adhering to his opinion, that genius would develope itself, by a decided predilection for some profession, kept Tom at school and college, till he be lieved him skilled in languages, mathematics, natural philosophy, and chemistry; still expecting the latent spark to burst forth, and that he would only have to superadd the study of some particular branch, to a mind of such general information; but Tom was now turned seventeen, and had shewn no partiality for any profession, except that of a gentleman. The father, although still confident in his system, conceived there might be no harm in giving Madam Nature a jog on the elbow; and accordingly wrote to Tom, that he must now consult his genius, and decide on his future course of life. Tom had a strong attachment to the lighter species of the belles lettres,had been a member of a debating club, attended the theatre, spouting and supping with the players. He had a manly, handsome figure,-good ear,-clear, but fine mellow voice,and sung with taste. His father made no secret of his doctrine, and Tom now believed that Nature had destined him for the sock and buskin, and that he had only to appear on the boards, to eclipse Garrick, then in the meridian blaze of his glory. Confirmed in this opinion by some of his dramatic cronies, he determined for the stage; but prudently resolved not to make his first appearance where he was known; and as the company were soon to depart for Greenock, he arranged with the manager to accompany them, and make his debut in that quarter. The tragedy of Douglas was announced, the character of young Norval by a gentleman, being his first appearance on the stage. He ranted, looked, and talked like a hero, and was greeted with applause. Had they hooted him from the stage, he might then have made a timely retreat, and saved himself from future ills; but he was now sailing on the summer sea of popular applause, and the Temple of Fame appeared at a short distance, the portals of which he imagined would open at his approach. He now wrote a farce, which he prevailed on the manager to bring forward. The good folks of Greenock were not fastidious; the pit clapped, and the gallery shook with thunders of applause. This was all very well; but although his fame was flourishing almost equal to his wishes, he felt his finances in a galloping consumption; still his benefit was near; he prepared an original comic song, and an address by way of epilogue, all of which were announced in the bills: the house was crowded, and Tom cleared a sum beyond his expectations. To find a greater fool, or one more inflated with vanity than a poet and player, whose acting and writing have both been crowned with popular applause, the lad in the eighteenth year of his age, all his debts paid, and a dozen pounds in his pocket,I say, to find a greater fool than him, it would be necessary to visit a lunatic asylum. Tom hesitated and pondered, whether he should stick to his pen, or continue to tread the boards; but considering them as cousins-germain, and having the precedent of Shakes peare and Garrick before him, he resolved to unite both, and thus have two strings to his bow. He continued with the company till their return to Edinburgh, by which time he had a comedy ready for rehearsal: it was brought out at the opening of the Theatre, Tom appearing as the principal character; but either the muse had been less propitious, or the critics in Auld Reekie were influenced by caprice; the play dragged heavily through the first act, in the second much disapprobation was displayed, and in the third the hapless author was hissed from the stage, in what he believed the best scene in the piece, which was not suffered to come to a conclusion. What a difference in his feelings in two short hours! When he entered the Theatre, the thermometer of hope was just rising to the boiling point-it was now many degrees below zero. Bajazet in the plenitude of his power, and exhibited by Tamerlane in an ironcage, had not more opposite feelings. Longer stay in the metropolis was impossible, and a decent or manly retreat was impracticable, from the state of his finances. Almost frantic, he borrowed, or rather begged, a guinea from the Manager, and instead of returning home, made bad worse, by proceeding to Glasgow, and enlisting as a soldier in a march ing regiment. But Tom had more dexterity in wielding the mimic truncheon on the stage than he had with the musket at drill; he was awkward, and the drill-sergeant tyrannical, and the ci-devant dramatic hero took French leave. Aware that his absence would produce some regret, but with a firm resolution not to return, he contrived to secrete himself till a vessel was ready to sail for the western world. He landed on the shores of Columbia without a guinea in his pocket, and soon found that it was not the market for either poetical or histrionic talent. Jonathan had as little relish for Greek and Mathematics; a stonemason would have been more esteemed than Dr Parr, and a millwright would have taken precedence of La Place. It was before the tarring and feathering scheme that Tom landed at Boston, still considered as the capital of a British colony. Tom's necessities were urgent; he wrote a good hand, and could manage pounds shillings and pence upon paper better than in his pocket. He applied to a store-keeper, was taken upon trial, and gave satisfaction; for although awkward, he was active, and anxious to please. He had been about a year in this situation, and had just come under an engagement for a regular salary, when one morning, being at the quay superintending the unloading of a cargo, he was informed that a British regiment was to be disembarked from some transports alongside. Turning to look, he saw, with no pleasant feelings, the uniform he had lately worn; and in a few minutes his quondam Captain came upon deck, while his former tyrannical drill-sergeant leaped on shore, almost close by his side. The regiment was to be stationed in Boston, and as Tom had much out-of-door business, he found detection would soon follow. Having once seen a culprit flogged for desertion, he had no wish for a practical knowledge of this discipline, and without loss of time fled to the interior, opened a school in a village on the margin of a swamp, which soon affected his health, and he was seized with an irresistible desire to re-visit Scotland, and die at his father's fire-side. By rigid economy and penurious living, he saved money for his passage, contrived to get on board a vessel for Britain, and, after an absence of more than three years, reached the manse, the home of his father, penniless, way-worn, and weary. Here he continued to wander for some time in the sunny vale, |