Page images


« God

Satan viewing this, draws near, (for word of God is really true in your there are seasons of which, we may case : The sow that was washed, use the words of the Lord Jesus, con- has turned again to her wallowing in cerning Satan, “ this is your hour, the mire, and the dog to his vomit and the power of darkness," (carefully again; all your hopes have been de. concealing his cloven feet and ar- lusive, they were only nature a little raigns the poor soul before him, and excited ; and God knows you are an begins thus to argue with him, Can bypocrite, one that is hateful in his you be a christian, a wretch like you, sight; those about you much doubt where is your love to God? Oh, your sincerity, therefore I advise you says the

poor child of God, I have no to deceive them no longer, but be love, but I feel all enmity. Ah, says seen in your real character, go forth Satan, I know you do, and if you into the world, take your fill of its was a cliristian, you would have faith, pleasures, and I will warrant ye, you for you know it is written,“ Without will be much happier than you now faith it is impossible to please God." At this the poor soul trembles, Pray where is your faith, can you lay and is almost confounded by Satan's hold of the promises of the word of wiles, and says, What a woeful poGod, and take comfort from them; as sition is mine; go forth into the you see christians do. If you belong. world I cancot, I have no relish for ed to God, you will not be in such a its sinful vanities ; and mix with desponding state of mind, as you now God's people I am afraid, I fear they are, a plain proof you do not, or he will soon detect my hypocrisy. And would comfort you from bis word. the poor soul, under these feelings, Oh, says the poor soul, I fear it is all cries out, “Lord, help me,' true, I have no faith, but I am shut be merciful to me a sinner," “ Lord, up in unbelief.

Ah, and nothing save, or I perish. Hold, bold, says awaits you, replies Satan, but to be Satan, and thrusts these words into shut out with all unbelievers, who the soul, “ The prayer of the wicked have their portion in hell fire, and the is an abomination in the sight of heart of the poor soul, seems as if it God.” At this, the poor soul sinks really melted within him. Satan per- down almost in despondency, and ceiving he is gaining ground, renews nothing is heard from him but sighs the attack, with, If you were a christ- and groans, and they only to God, for tian, you would not feel such hardness he himself sits by viewing all the of heart, such wicked and blasphemous malice of Satan, and the distress of thoughts. I wonder how such a being his mystic member. And when be as you can have the most distant

sees the poor soul is well refiped, and thought of being a christian; take a much of the dross taken away, he survey of yourself, is there any thing again appears, again he speaks peace about you, characteristic of a chris- to the poor soul, and heals his tian? And the soul under bis present wounded conscience, by pouring ia circumstances, feels the more he looks some of the balm of Gilead, and into himself for comfort, the more be seals pardoning love to his heart, and is dismayed; and these suggestions sweetly whispers to the soul, “The of Satan, stick like pointed arrows fast blood of Jesus Christ, bis Son, in his conscience, and he again con- cleanseth us from all sin.” Yes, cludes • Well, I fear after all, I am says the dear child of God, I feel it, only a deceiver, I am only an hypo- and breaks out, saying, Bless the crite; woe is me! would that I Lord, oh, my soul, and all that is never had made a profession! Yes, within me bless his holy name." says Satan, it would have been better

Thus, my dear friends, I have for you, if you never had, for the given you a few features of the ex.

[ocr errors]







perience and conflicts of the real child little attention to me. Therefore I of God, and as space prevents me fur- seldom visited home, beiog more tather enlarging, may it please the ever ken with the pleasures of this life, and blessed Spirit, to give thee to see thy had as I thought a greater opportucase and character set forth, and de- nity of enjoying them. But I found a liver thy soul from the power of the bitter in every sweet, for the thoughts enemy, by lifting upon thee the light of the pleasnre were more than the of his countenance, and a Triune God thing itself. There was an aching shall have all the glory, Amen. My void within, for which I could account. dear brother, wait on the Lord ; be of I tried to shake it off, but could not. good courage, wait I say on the Lord, I left off reading the scriptures, and and he shall strengthen thy heart, for read other books, more entertaining

weeping may endure for a night, to me. What a mercy the Lord did but joy cometh in the morning.” not leave me to my own choice. BeOne who Feels the Plague of his Heart. ing now out of my time, and having

done more than was agreed upon, I thought I might find a friend through life. But the person with whom I had been, fell very short in giving what he had agreed upon. This to me

a great disappointment, and If it should please the Lord tu knocked down this building of friend. bring to my mind, the beginning of ship in my mind at oue blow. This his work upon my soul, I will, as the was I believe overruled by the Lord, Lord shall enable me, endeavour to that I should not trust in man, but send you a short account thereof. seek a better friend. I often set up At times I had convictions from a late to work upon a dress for myself, child, as I believe most have. But but when I got to bed, I could not wben I was twenty-one, I found a sleep for such thoughts as these ; heaviness como upon my spirits, How do you know you will ever live which I could not account for. I to wear that? you might die in the often burst into tears, but for what I night. If you go to sleep you may could not tell. The follies of my never wake again. You see how childhood and youth were frequently vain it all is.' Soon after I called to brought to my mind, and when very see my old nurse, of whom I was very sad, my mother's last words would fond. Just before I got to the house, be present with me; · The Lord mark a cold chill seemed to run through you with his grace, if it be his heavenly my veins, and I thought, if she should will.'

Often in contemplating the be no more! when I went in, I found works of creation, I have been so lost she was dead and buried. My spirits as not to know where I was. At sunk and I wished I could get by myeleven years


age, I lost my mother; self to give vent to my grief. I went which was a great trouble to me; to chapel and the minister took for her last words frequently came to my his text,

Search the scriptures.” remembrance, and I wished I had and he made this remark : Some of her to give me that counsel, which I you instead of searching the scripbegan to find I stood in need of. My tures, have laid your Bible upon the father was very fond of me when shelf, till you may write damnation a child, but my leaving home very on the cover. This to me young and on account of ill health home stroke, and I never forgot it. put to a business, which was thought I now began to search the scriptures, would suit my weak arm, and he hav- and I heartly repented having neging married his fourth wife, paid very lected them. One day opening the November, 1845.]

2 M

[ocr errors]



Bible, these words struck my mind, catechism again for my instruction

If you will keep my sabbaths, not but this only added to my misery. doing your own works, nor thinking For when I considered, they promised your own thoughts; then shall this and vowed that I should renounce light break forth as the morning, and the devil and all his works, the pomps thy health spring forth speedily.” and vanities of this wicked world and Now I began to see a beauty in re- all the sinful lusts of the flesh, inligion I had not seen before, wonder- stead of this being my case, I found ing which was the right way, and sinful lusts working in my mind more how we were to know it. At last I than ever,

and the more I strove to came to this conclusion, that as I had subdue sin, the more it worked within. always been sent to church, it was Instead of keeping God's holy will right for me to go, to be true and just and commandments, I found them so in all my dealings, then hoped all exceedingly broad that it was imposwould be right. I paid more atten- sible to keep them. For them to protion to what I heard, and learnt from mise in my name, what, when I was the Vicar, that God had promised come of age, I myself was bound to perto save the Jews, but as for us, he form, was binding heavy burdens indeed puts the cup of blessing into our upon my shoulders which I could not hands and leaves us to determine bear. I suffered so much that I whether we would reccive it or not. I thought it should never be promised then wished I was a Jewess, for I for a child of mine, and wished it had thought if that were the case they were never been for me. But so it was, far better off than I was. At the age and I thought I was bound to perof three and twenty I came to Lon- form it whether I could or could pot. don, and went to live with a profess. This seemed to me a cruel thing, but sor, whom I had known for some years, I must try my best. When I went she told me,

Now was the accepted to rest, I thought how I had got on time, now was the day of salvation," that day, and found myself more beand if I did not turn now, the Lord hind; then I hoped the next day might reject me at a future time; would be better. But alas the stronshe had found many friends by being ger were my resolutions made, the good, and the reason she did not sooner they were broken. This was turn sooner, she never met with re.

my prayer, ' Oh, that thou wouldest ligious people. But as I was with bless me indeed and enlarge my coasts, her, I should be left without excuse. or pardon mine iniqnity and keep me I went with her to chapel, and as she from evil, that it might not grieve kneeled down and repeated the me.' I thought upon the Lord prayers so fervently, I kneeled duwn granting the request of Jabez, and also. But these words came very hoped he would mine. One sunday powerfully to my mind. They hon- afternoon I went on the water with our me with their lips, while their some friends, and was fearful I should heart is far from me.' Indeed my be drowned; I thought if I once got mind was wandering hither and thi- safe home, never to go agaio on the ther, and to me it seemed, instead of Lord's day, and never have. worship, a solemn mockery. I dared One night, I dreamed I was walknot kneel any longer, I tried hard to ing alone in a solitary place among stay my thoughts, but they seemed trees; there was water at my right to wander the more. When we re

hand, resembling the river Thames. turned, her words were, ' How happy I dreamt I was obliged to go through I have been under the word.'

this water ; it was very thick, and a vied her happiness, and lamented how man standing in the middle, stirring miserable 1 had been. I learned the it up; the further I went, the thicker

I en


[ocr errors]
[ocr errors]

it was: this was a great trouble to standing into this scripture,

“ The me, and I awoke. I mentioned my light shineth in darkness, but the dream to my companion, and asked darkness comprehendeth it not.” her what she thought of it? She said, it seemed like the troubled wa.

(To be continued.) ters; you are in a strange way altogether; you moaned and groaned in your sleep, that I was quite disturbed. I thought I was in a strange way indeed, for

my mind was so troubled I My dear Sister in the adorable Lord Christ. could not sleep. Another Lord's day All love, grace, mercy, and peace I visited a friend, who was going to be with you and your beloved spouse reside in France; a young person from Jehovah, in his trinity of perwas there, who talked of plays and sons, now and ever, Amen! A concerts all the afternoon.

I was

most sweet, affectionate, and unctious obliged to seem entertained; but I epistle came to hand on Friday evenfound the words of the wise man ing last, from No.

Street, true ; in the midst of this laughter Portsea, without name or signature the heart was sorrowful, and the end of the writer, and had not “ Priscilla" of that mirth was heaviness. I longed (whom I much love for the truth's to be out of their company, and sake) given me to expect a line or so thought upon

Solomon's words: “ It from yourself; the least of all,” is better to go to the house of mourn- would have been quite at a loss unto ing than to the house of (such) whom to send “ good news.” Be mirth ;" for it brought my burden pleased, therefore, Mrs to acheavier upon me; I wondered how cept my best thanks for your

kind and they could teach children that infant spiritual favour, which, to unworthy baptism made them children of God, me, was not only a word of encoumembers of Christ, and inheritors of ragement, but also “good news from the kingdom of heaven; I thought I a far country.” And I will tell you was more like a child of the devil, wherefore: “even because our gospel and was afraid the kingdom of heaven came not unto you in word only, but would never be inherited by me. As also in power and the Holy Ghost, I sat, very much cast down and won. and in much assurance, as ye know dered I was so altered, that I could what manner ot man it was the Lord take pleasure in nothing; the more I sent among you for your sakes. And strove to be better, the more I seemed ye became followers of us, and of the to feel sin work within ; I could not Lord; having received the word in think how it was that I should see much affliction, with joy of the Holy this wickedness working within, when Ghost ; what hath God wrought ! these words came to my mind, “ It is Hallelu.Jah ! Amen! From the genelight that makes manifest, and men ral tenor of your most welcome letter, love darkness rather than light, be- it is quite plain the Lord is graciously cause their deeds are evil.” Now a leading you by a way ye knew not ray of light shined within; the same in past days; being conducted now as when a lighted candle is taken with weeping and supplications in the into a dark room ; the light shews all right way to a city of habitation. that is therein. This astonished me Yea, my heart doth indeed (as you very much, and I saw it was this write) love to “ weep with them that light, that shewed all the evil within, weep, and rejoice with them that do and that it came from the Lord, that rejoice.” But tell me, dear friend, I had preferred darkness, because wherefore all this disquietude within ? then I was at ease, but had no under. Your reply, no doubt, will be : "the heart knoweth its own bitterness.” grieved when they cannot find it; and Be it so ; what a proof, then, have how should they, when seeking the you " within ” of eternal life; for the living among the dead ? whereas the · dead in sin” know not anything, faith a living child glories in “is the neither did you a little time back, faith of the Son of God, who loved although, peradventure, you then me, and gave himself for me.” The thought to know everything. But, Lord said unto his disciples, “ If ye now,

God, who is rich in mercy," had faith as a grain of mustard seed, for the great love wherewith he loved ye might say unto this sycamine tree, us, hath quickened you "from a death be thou plucked up by the roots, and in sin to a new and spiritual life in be thou planted in ihe sea, and it Christ!" Remember that this spi- should obey you.” Luke xvii. 6. ritual life is still in Christ, in whom Again, speak we to such unstable perwe live and move and have our being ; sons concerning grace; away they then, it is not in yourself, either in go again into themselves, searching whole or in part. No, indeed, if it as with candles, after this somewbat, was, the devil wruld deprive you in but lo and behold it is not there, one moment (did the Lord permit it), furgetting all the while it is in Christ; but his mighty command to the great Thou therefore my son, be strong adversary is, touch not the life; it in the grace, that is in Christ Jesus." being hid with Christ in God.” 2 Tim. ii. 1. And bere it is the defect of the present

This then is one of the many ways awful day of mere profession ; those the Lord hath in mercy brought you, “ from whom better things are es- my dear sister, by little and little,“ line pected,” are continually looking for upon line, and precept upon precept, something in themselves, in the stead to be more and more out of love with of looking out of self altogether unto sinful self, and righteous self, and to be Jesus," in whom we have all things more and more in love with the alland abound;" hence such are full of precious Jesus, in whom dwelleth all tossings to and fro, ever running the fulness of the Godhead (not the about, but never able to come to a Godhead itself) bodily, and in whom knowledge of the truth, and hence ye are complete, " for he is the head those unskilful ones are filled with of all principality and power.” How doubts, fears, and unbelief respecting immense our unspeakable blessedness, their state before God, even because happiness, and salvation with eternal the “law of the spirit of life in glory in Christ Jesus. Therefore Christ Jesus hath never get made let no man glory in man, for all things them free from the law of sin and

are yours : whether Paul, or Apollos, death ;” but this is not all, for they or Cephas, or the world, or life, or “ love to have it so," and esteem all death, or things present, or things to others who have been delivered there. come;

all are yours and ye are from, merely doubtful characters. Christ's and Christ is God's,” 1 Cor. Those are they who often "make the 21. 23. Oh then to be enabled to hearts of God's people sad,” baving enjoy the life of God in Jesus, to a lie in their right hand, and feeding walk more in Jesus ; yea to " rejoice upon the ashes of their corruption, alune in Christ Jesus, and have no arising from the fiery lusts of " sin in confidence in the flesh.” I trust dear this mortal body.” This they igno. friend, yourself and kind husbabd, are rantly call “ their experience," but through one Spirit living in the corwhich is not God's testimony in the stant, unceasing and uninterrupted heart. Talk to them of faith, they enjoyment of these divine and sacred immediately begin to look for some. truths. If so the Lord hath done thing within themselves, and are great things for you already, whereof

« PreviousContinue »