Oman's or the Black Bull, or take up his abode in the neighbourhood of stagnant drains, and next door to a close of cow-feeders.

I

But I hope better things of the public officers, and from the public spirit of the inhabitants; and I have no doubt, now that the thing is suggested, that if it were properly set about, the Barons of Exchequer would give their aid to its speedy completion. The Palace and its environs have been too long neglected; and I do not flatter myself by saying, that if I, Christopher Columbus, were to be appointed ranger of the King's Park, (and it is my favourite walk,) either with or without a lodging in the Palace, and with any thing of a decentish salary, things would be conducted in quite a different manner. would, in that case, plant a good deal of the rocky banks; cut many delightful terraces on the acclivities, and strew them with shrubberies; sweep away all the awkward dikes; cover St Anthony's venerable chapel and hermitage with ivy; totally remove the stiles, and replace them with swing-gates where necessary; and put a final stop to the demolition of that superb natural mural crown -Salisbury Crags. No great sum would be required for this purpose; and I am quite sure if his Majesty saw the magnificent grounds round his Palace, or if Mr Williams, or that clever young artist Gasteneaux, would take accurate drawings of them in all their delightful points of view, I should not have to wait long for my appointment. I should then take the liberty of writing to the Duke of Atholl, in my official capacity, as ranger of the park, to request the present of a herd of red-deer; and take measures to let Lord Breadalbane know, that a few scores of fallow-deer would be required to tenant the ornamented lawn.

I take it for granted that the chapel royal is to be repaired as projected, and therefore I say nothing on that head; but to compensate the poor owls who would by this reparation be disturbed in their silent, solitary reign," I would remove them to St Anthony's Chapel, and even, with the broken fragments, build them a kind of belfry for shelter, and furnish them with one year's supply of mice. The hawks, the ancient inhabitants of the precipitous cliffs, to which they have a prescriptive and indefeasible right, I would not remove, but protect; and even, by the introduction of different species, have always at command a sufficient number of these graceful animals, for the noble and kingly sport of falconry. Every morning I should mount my poney to see that things were going on to my mind, and every evening I should

I was here interrupted, very much to my regret, by the girl opening my ehamber door. "Who's there-What do you want, Betty?"-" Sir, Mrs Columbus bids me say that she has been waiting supper for you this hour. The eggs are useless already, and the het water's cauld!"--This interruption broke the thread of my ideas; and though I had a great deal more to say on the subject, yet, so difficult is it to recover a train of thought dispelled by other associations, that I must postpone what I have further to urge till another op. portunity.

TREASON.

Treason doth never prosper--what's the reason?
Why, when it prospers, none dare call it treason.

We have discovered a plot. Not a dark-lantern business of gunpowder and matches, like Guy Fawkes's, nor of hand-grenades and sabres, like the Cato-street atrocity - nevertheless it is a treasonable conspiracy, having, fortunately, one point of resemblance to the two plots above-mentioned that it has been discovered and defeated in time. It was directed against ourselves, it aimed at the subversion of our supremacy in the periodical world, and was intended to bring into contempt

us, the contributors' Sovereign Lord the Editor, our Magazine, and dignity. Readers cannot have forgotten an absurd Round-Robin from a shallowpated junto of disappointed correspondents, who had cockered themselves up by a give-and-take system of selfeulogy, till they fancied themselves constrained by an unanimous feeling of their own surpassing merit, to prescribe to us what we ought to insert. We published their appeal, and added notes, by our own individual self, of the most soothing and kindly quality. These gentlemen and ladies, however, are so sore in the chest, with catarrhs, brought on, we presume, by the puffs of flattery, with which they are in the inveterate practice of ventilating one another, that even the emulsion of our notes, soft and tranquillizing, as if dulcified by oil of almonds, could not be swallowed by them without causing strong symptoms of exacerbation in their disordered breasts. Here, however, it is right that we make a distinction-we must not accuse the whole of those who joined in the petition before declared; some were found still bearing true allegiance to us, -to us, their lawful potentate in matters critical, as long as they claim the privileges of that respectable body literate, the contributors to Maga. We do not divulge how many out of the fourteen adhere to their loyalty, because we believe that one or two are in a wavering state, and will probably, when they see the disgrace which the rebels incur, quit the debateable land, and come over and entrench themselves on the right side, where they shall enjoy all the advantages of a plenary amnesty. One of the band, however, was

so pre-eminently true to his original fealty, that it was by his means that we were made acquainted with, and enabled to frustrate, the machinations of the evil-disposed. He boldly rushed into their conclave, seized upon their papers, and transmitted the pestiferous bale to us, shewing himself a very Abdiel,

Faithful found,

Among the faithless, faithful only he.

(But this we qualify according to the

statement above; nevertheless, he de-
serves to be reported of as)-
Among innumerable false, unmoved,
Unshaken, unseduced, unterrified,
His loyalty he kept, his love, his zeal-
and perhaps it is solely through him,
that we, at this present moment, are
sitting on the throne of these realms
of Maga, (scilicet, the great-chair in
Ebony's back-shop,) and in undisturb-
ed control over demi-gods, angels, de-
vils, and men. Our demi-gods are
those Titans of wit and learning, Odo-
herty, Wastle, Kempferhausen, and
Co.-Our angels are the ladies, whose
crow-quills indite delicate articles on
pink-edged Bath wove, and very pret-
ty reading they are. Our devils ffit on
sooty pinions around the presses of
Messrs Ballantyne ;-and our every-
day subjects are the myriads in the
three kingdoms, whose half-crowns
are, without grumbling, paid monthly
into our exchequer. Yes, to Abdiel,
(for in compassion to some of his par-
ty he wishes not to be named,) we are
indebted for all this; and to a discern-
ing public we commit our vindication
and defence; so to the end that the
community at large may see the vil-
lainy of the designs of these conjura-
tors, (not conjurors we acquit them
of all expertness in that way,) we shall
hereunder pillory some of the docu-
ments in our possession; thus giving
over to utter scorn the railing invec-
tives of these foul-mouthed chaps, their
futile imprecations, and their other
impotent attempts against our peace.

It appears that the lever by which these Round-Robin men, this Archimedes corporate, meant to move the world of Christopher North's renown, was to be a book. By means of a

declaration, that we have both our good, serviceable, thick-soled leathern shoes upon our feet at this very epoch of being calumniated; so what becomes of his condemnation of us to the crippled state of being only able to wear half a pair at a time? Nay, we possess a pair of boots, which we scorn to leave behind whenever we jog over to Glasgow, and which, indeed, have incased these legs, and done good service, within the last three weeks. So you see, deeply-interested and partlytearful audience, how wretched a performer Omicron is in the part of Kehama, being his first appearance in that character. But I see, righteous Public, what your opinion is, and what is his destiny,-you are determined to hiss him off the stage, he is slinking away, well he is done for.

The next production is by a conspirator of a very white-livered complection, who signs himself Domesticus. It is entitled " A Familiar Essay on the Character and Conduct of Blackwood's Magazine, with especial reference to No. LIV." It opens in this lack-adaysical tone: "I was sitting at tea, on the second of September-a balmy evening, and we had the window open, so that a box of mignonette blended its fragrance with that of the nine shilling hyson. This was extremely pleasant; but I cannot say that I think it altogether so comfortable as tea-time in winter, when one nudges close into the corner of the sofa, and has the toast kept hot on the fender; indeed, we do not have toast to tea in the summer, which omission alters the whole features of the thing; however, in spite of all this, it was agreeable enough, and so I expressed myself to Kate-" But there is no end to this. In brief, after wallowing in an ocean of sentimental small-talk, he tells us that the Nos. for August arrive: he falls into a wonderment at not meeting with his "Hearth-Rug Promptings;" then he simmers in a warm-watery transport of rage and grief at discovering the

note which indicates our will that they shall not appear at all; after which he cools down into a fit of the sullens, in which he attempts to pick holes in No. 54, complaining of "that eternal Steam-boat," whining over the strangeness of our admitting the "Travels of Columbus," while his own superfine compositions are black-balled. In fine, what with lifting up his hands in consternation, shewing the whites of his eyes in amazement, and drawing down the corners of his mouth in affected reprobation of all he finds, he works himself into a little heat again, and thus bursts out: "This Magazine is fated to be the destruction of all that is lovely and engaging in the literature of this remarkable era. If infant genius, with the tottering step, and mantling blush of diffidence, ventures to approach, it is mercilessly strangled,-if buds of talent shew promise of bloom in its neighbourhood, they are rapaciously plucked and trampled upon,-if a gem is disclosed, which, in proper setting, and worn on the finger of beauty, would refract the aerial light most charmingly, it is smashed to atoms by Christopher North's heavy hammer, and mingled with the dust. Oh! sickening thought, said I, as I rose and looked out at the open window, and saw not a leaf stirring upon our three poplars, and all nature, indeed, as tranquil as if this domineering Editor did not infest the earth with his hated presence, Oh, my poor heart! I ejaculated, nature truly has bowels of sensibility, but man has none!" These are riddles; but if our refusal to print his articles be kept steadily in view, the halfmeaning of the shadowy nothings is discoverable: but really we can devote no more space to the spooney and his maudlin lamentations. In consideration of his imbecility, we shall deal leniently with him.

The galvaniser of frogs comes next, and he endeavours to give us a shock with a sonnet, but his battery is a poor one.

"TO BLACKWOOD'S MAGAZINE, NO. LIV.
"DRAB-COATED book, in quakerly disguise!
Quaker in nought but in thine outward trim,
For neath that sober surtout thou art brim-
Full of all swearing tearing insolencies.
Thou scorn'st good authors, bad dost patronize.
No wonder George Buchanan looks so grim,
A-thinking of the stuff that's under him;

Besides, within a thistle-bed he lies,

!

Meet emblem of the lot which Christopher,
(Because he'll bear no rival near his throne,)
Assigns an evil-starr'd Contributor:-
Hence 'twas Hortensius' fair fame was stifled,
Kit fear'd his sonnets would eclipse his own;
So he suppress'd them, but their thoughts he rifled!"

Suppressed!-What d'ye mean?
■Didn't we print, (we forget in which
No.,) your sonnet " To the half of a
broken pair of Scissars," beginning "Ah
me, thou helplessest of helpless things?"
The reading public did not approve of it
-the thermometer of popular opinion
was down at 32, under its frigorific in-
fluence, so that we were abundantly
justified in stuffing no more of Mr
■Twitch's sonnets down the regurgita-
■ting throats of the literary multitude.
He may have a whole quire of his four-
teeners by applying in Prince's Street;
and, moreover, as to the charge of
- rifling the thoughts they contain, of
our enacting the busy bee in the nec-
tareous cups of these flowers, why,
we can only say this-that Mr Black-
wood has orders to pay a guinea with
every one of these sonnets, in which
Mr Hortensius Twitch shall point out
to the satisfaction of any chance passer-
by the shop-window, (whom he and Mr
B., without collusion before-hand, are
to lay their paws upon for his purpose,)
that there is actually a thought con-
tained! It must be a definite thought,
-one which has been regularly brood-
ed on in Mr T.'s brain, has chipped
the shell in the said sonnet, and there
stands visibly and intelligibly fledged,
and recognizable as a distinct thought
by ordinary capacities. If he can only
point symptoms of approximation to-
wards a thought, Mr B. is, in that case,
only empowered to remunerate the dis-
consolate poet at the rate of half a crown
per sonnet so qualified.

V. D. B.'s share in the crime is of a deeper stain. He is diabolically desirous of setting forth our infirmities

"With all

as matter of merriment.
the fierce endeavour of his wit," not
indeed "making the pained impotent
to smile," but seducing the bystanders
to sneer at a "soul in agony." To
effect this, he misrepresents us most
shamefully. We complain not of his
depicting us as a victim of the gouty
and rheumatic virus, for to our sorrow,
"'tis true 'tis pity, pity 'tis 'tis true,'
that we are enfeebled by its attacks-
but he does this by broadly assevera-
ting that our malady deteriorates our
temper; that we do not bear our fa-
culties meekly under the stings and
arrows of this outrageous foe, that we
are rendered by it peevish, snappish,
testy, tyrannical, unreasonable, and
unbearable. Instead of likening us,
when seated in our divan, to a father
among a devoted family, or to a pa-
triot king presiding over a united peo-
ple-he makes it appear as if we bore
more resemblance to a sour, crusty
pedagogue among an unruly crew of
striplings too big for his management,
-and who, with every inclination to
wield the rod, is fain, out of prudence,
to let "I dare not" wait upon "І
would." Can there be an example of
greater malignity? but fortunately
the venom will do no harm, as the
point of this libeller's shaft is blunt,
and his arm not so potent as his ma-
lice. We laugh at the spleen of the
wretch, and treat our readers to a sight
of the caricature he has drawn, con-
scious that not even an approach to a
ludicrous resemblance can be discover-
ed-it is, however, quite as good as
any dramatic sketch of his which has
heretofore solicited our approbation.

CHRISTOPHER AGONISTES.

Scene-Ambrose's. Time-After Supper.

Chr. (Pettishly.) Plague on those herrings, they were nought but salt

Call you this ale? 'tis innocent of malt-
I'd quench this thirst, if there were wherewithal-

Better than poison'd be, ne'er drink at all.
I'll taste no more of it, this blessed night-
Well, after all, " Death in the Pot" was right.
No doubt this swill, this swipe's so wishy washy,
Was brewed from coculus indicus, and quassia.
(Sighs.) Heigho, heigho-'twould make a Job go mad!

The Odontist. Cheer up, my man, the yill is no that bad.